Apocalypse AU / a.k.a bb!Survival / a.k.a. cockblockalypse! Arthur learns how to survive ... with Eames.

College student Adam Lambert doesn't really believe in the magical powers of knitting needles until he meets Kris Allen, knitting shop owner by day and gay erotica writer by night. Kris is an enigma wrapped in an adorable package and Adam finds himself wanting to strip away his layers (literally as well as figuratively), but at the end of the day will that be enough to make Adam mess with his carefully laid plans, or will his desire to "make it" stand in the way of true love?

For this prompt on the kink meme: Chris was fine with Kurt getting his first kiss with a boy before he did, and he was fine with Kurt getting a boyfriend before he did. But when he reads the script for the senior prom episode (a.k.a. the one where Kurt and pretty much all of ND book hotel rooms and go all the way), he decides that he's had enough of being jealous that his on-screen alter ego is getting all the action. After a long and thorough process of deciding who the lucky recipient of his V-card is going to be (seriously, he made flowcharts), he decides on Darren, who -- after being reassured that Chris hasn't fallen madly in love with him, he just wants Darren to fuck him in the ass -- Darren happily obliges. Hot first-time sex ensues.

"Fair sir," said the knight, or Jedi warrior, or whatever the fuck he was, "will ye just?" "Will I which?" "Will you try passage of arms for land or lady or for—" "Seriously? Seriously? What, did someone drop acid in the fake mead at the Renaissance Fair? Stop dicking around, man, and fuck off."