CRAAAAAACK! Potential Valdemar AUs

How to build a database to get the right person or people for every kinky contingency. One such task is suggested; readers are encouraged to submit more.

In which xeno/inflation/mpreg/egg-laying is taken entirely too seriously, compulsive world building is showcased, and I pretend really hard that Gamzee might ever be a sympathetic character again. Originally found at: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8447.html?thread=39867903

"We should check on Prospit," Jane says, one week into your probably pointless run through the gas-and-zombies weirdness that Sburb turned out to be.

"My name is Karkat Vantas," you say when the recording starts. "Imperial ID number 4136-1211-15201. I'm applying for status as a pail slave. I'm," you swallow hard to try to clear the lump from your throat, "I'm unfit for standard contribution due to abnormal hemotype, but I want to serve my Empire to the best of my ability. I understand the physical demands of the position and," your voice cracks, "I'm training to be better prepared for them. I swear to cooperate readily and faithfully with my assigned user. I surrender my body to Imperial custody. All hail Her Imperious Condescension, and all hail her glorious Empire."

One is a majorly kinky adult man in his prime, who got to go to nightclubs and met people and had one night stands and learned through trial and error, and is now fairly relaxed about his needs. The other is a teenager who thanks to the internet and his own reasoning has a lot of intellectual understanding and nothing else and zero real social experience, and the same needs and instincts and no outlet for them.

You wake up to the sound of rain thundering hard and heavy against the roof of your apartment building.

Maybe they won the war? Maybe they just managed to slip through the Armada's defenses? Anyway humans land on Alternia. They find nothing but children and teenagers (some of them probably wondering why they haven't been conscripted yet and where the ships are, so technically about to be considered adults but not officially adult yet) Are the humans here to kill the mother grub? take control of it? do damage control now they've won and they're checking how the kids are being raised because sentient being rights and troll societal attitudes suck we're brainwashing them into a ~morally superior way of doing things? oh good lord this explains everything they're raised by animals, the internet and each other what really this is Lord of the Flies as a valid educational method -- WHAT happens to the orphans??? How much do the troll kids freak the fuck out seeing adult aliens? Do they try mounting a resistance? Do any humans adopt young orphans? what? Please no gore and no canon character death, but apart from that anything is welcome. OCs are good, so are age-tweaked canon characters.

So, I wrote some Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn porn based on this amazing post by [personal profile] sinsense about the universe she and others had created where promising rookies in the NHL were assigned an older player to ~kneel~ for as a training measure. GO READ THAT POST it is amazing if you're into that sort of thing.

Semi-related to my feelings about the combine: I snicker every time sports writers talk about a team "topping" or "edging" or "knotting" another team (because I am twelve), but it's those stories about how you can "ruin" a young player that make me think dirty things. Like, obviously letting your whole team gangbang your rookie will ruin him. So you have to pair each rookie up with an older, more experienced player as a mentor (Kaner with Sharpy, AGally with Prust, etc). Because, especially for the highly ranked rookies, it’s a lot of pressure, they can get wound too tight, so they need to be put on their knees regularly by someone they trust. The Bruins didn’t do that for Segs, they let anyone fuck him, and look what happened. The Stars put him with Jamie over the summer and it settles him right down.