“It’s like, his little hornzorz!” Latula says. She rips open a new pack of Flamin Hott Fire Crispoz with extreme prejudice, manic with food dye and pity.

“Okay,” he says, “Do it again.” “—————,” replies Karkat.

You get culled.

What if the universes collided and a bunch of Steves ran into each other. And for whatever reason, they all had sex. As one does when meeting several of your alternate universe versions.

First snippet, for asukaskerian. Hell yes, I will write the cuddly after-porn bit for these two! Unf. I am picturing them probably in similar circumstances here as in Asuka’s Uniform Kink pesterlog. :3

It was so much easier to be celibate when you were dead.

Someone demanded human/troll kismeses having anal sex, with those headcanons: #1 Since trolls have nooks, anal sex is regarded as strictly taboo. Or not even taboo, perhaps just really odd and kinky, like, why would you put that there??? #2 Anal sex is strictly reserved for the caliginous quadrant, as a means of showing dominance over your partner. I don’t mean non-con or even dub-con; after a bout of fighting or arguing or whatever, the winner can choose to propose it and the loser can choose to accept it as an expression of rightfully-earned submission.

First Mugshot pic of the awesome collab I’m doing with Scifigrl47!

OMG THERE NEEDS TO BE FIC WHERE THE SHERIFF RELATES DATING TO FISHING. AND STILES WANTS TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT.

The trollmance novel turns from soap opera to smut in 30 seconds.

BUT WHAT IF INVESTIGATION FOR MARRIAGE FRAUD:

AS IF I COULD RESIST THE CHANCE TO WRITE DANNY TAKING STILES’ VIRGINITY.

about a reverse little mermaid

Do you remember the first time you saw the stars? The first time you looked up and realized there were an infinite number of worlds that humanity had left to discover? I don’t know how old I was when I first yearned to go up there; it’s all I’ve ever known. And I can tell you this — even though I have seen more worlds than I ever imagined, even though I have sacrificed so much to do this, I have never lost that desire to explore, or that profound amazement that I feel when I look up into the infinite wonder of the skies. - Captain Manon Rhéaume

I’m talking about daemons as in the His Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman, or the Golden Compass movie if you’ve seen that. What daemons do everyone have? What happens to daemons during a drift? How do pilots’ daemons act around each other? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.

j wanted super drift compatable davekats

Asuka I wrote you a thing. It’s a slight AU playing with the idea of the kids having minor holdovers of their game powers. Not enough to affect day-to-day life, but just enough. All ficlets take place before they’re pilots. For some of the iffier powers I made guesses about how they would translate, most notably Dirk’s. He is the ghost in the machine. 8|

You know you’re staring as he straps into the interface

SXIZ IS TALKING TO ME ABOUT WHAT IF DIRK/JAKE D/S WHERE JAKE TIES DIRK UP AND JUST TELLS HIM HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIM BECAUSE IT MAKES DIRK FLUSTERED AND THAT’S HOW HE DOMS HIM HE MAKES DIRK FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEELINGS I’M GOING TO FUCKING PASS OUT

Pepper is BFFs with one of Neal Caffrey’s aliases because ~art luv~ and they meet and hijinks with Extremis and theft.

Show of hands, who didn’t read it as a porn prompt? anyone? anyone? bueller? Contains sort-of-public sex, oral and penetrative sex, some slurry retention.

It’s not like it’s rare at his gigs for someone to sidle up to the booth and go, “Hey! Nice music!”, grinning and interested. "If you’re hitting on me, queue’s on your left," Dave replies, and then he looks.

bkprsn101 (18:16:50):I had, like, five minutes bkprsn101 (18:16:57):and then there was Dave/Naruto Askerian (18:17:04):i’d say i’m sorry but i’d be lying

noviblue asked: 1. Bro/Signless (my rarepair

"Holy crap", the guy says, sprawled on Dave’s bed with arms akimbo. Dave swallows a smirk, and pushes his hand off so he can lay down beside him, side by side. No contact though, they’re both too warm and sweaty.

Steve has some unique needs now that he's a super soldier. (Vampire AU.)

So now I’m thinking about Derek owning a queer bookstore in Beacon Hills (because he wants to stay near his pack and the family home) after he gets his degree. And he’s not unhappy, exactly, he just spends a lot of his time by himself because his store is small and he can’t afford to pay more people to work there and still cover his costs, and if sometimes he gets lonely then that’s what his books are for and why he has a big sister who’ll prod and nudge him out of his shell and a little sister who’ll make him take her out for lunch

your tags are rude and i am upset (yes please cam stiles blowing himself hello) - winterkiss

Thom is many things (arrogant, impossible, brilliant, a terrible brother, he supposes he could carry on all day), but he has never been stupid. He is aware from the moment the Conté Duke’s eyes open that he should have left them closed; there are some things that anyone can see, Master of the Mithran Light or no. "Ah," Roger says, "Trebond,” and Thom shudders.

So, yeah. This is longer than 500 words. I started writing and immediately got sucked into (super basic) world-building and (minimal) scene-setting, which is exactly what this exercise is supposed to prevent. When I realized what I was doing I said well shit and skipped straight to the porn, which, unsurprisingly, also didn’t limit itself to 500 words. And then that little scene-setting bit was up there just looking accusingly at me, so I finished it off to some extent, and that’s what you have here: a little chunk of set-up and a little chunk of smut, extremely sloppily stuck together. Maybe I’ll make this less sloppy some day. It was terrific fun to write. This is a post-Sburb universe reset where the game made a little mistake and accidentally swapped the players’ species on the way out. Whoopsies! There’s possibly some body-dysphoria business going on if you’re sensitive to that, but nothing too extreme.

GDI BECKY HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION But yes Stiles totally does this.

It’s not even a big deal. Frankly, Derek doesn’t understand what Laura’s problems is when she’s the one who used to tease him so much about his compulsive gym rat routine.

Derek can handle this. He can. “You can do this,” he says, to his pale and pinched-looking reflection, to the faint bags under his eyes and the tension creases at the corners of his mouth. If he says it enough times it’ll stick sooner or later.

fuck okay so I'm not sure if you're taking prompts but have you seen that video of hoechlin twerking(?) and then doing A BACKFLIP. ?!!? hmm so in summary like cheerleader au where derek is on the fucking cheersquad and yes. butttts.

This is how they learn they are not pretty things, not soft things to be easily broken, or idly touched. Not little girls anymore.

i have a leverage ot3 headcanon where parker, hardison, and eliot end up taking on apprentices as the years go by and eventually retire somewhere warm and sunny. eliot really never expected to live long enough to retire and it takes him a good long while to get used to it.

"The Story of Steve 'Walking PR Nightmare' Rogers, and How For a Short While He Single-Handedly Destroyed the Emotional Health of Eva Laura Ortiz, His Now Ex-Publicist"

Last fall I spent a little time plotting, “Sherlock is hired to take down Leverage and ends up having a very Scandal-in-Bohemia-like experience, wherein the crew gets the drop on him and gets away clean and he belatedly realizes he’d been on the wrong side all along and thereafter develops an aversion to working for bankers.” But I was so tied up in other projects that I never got far with it.

If the request meme thing is still on may I request some harleybert sandwiches with Vantas-filling?

Christophe goes through his planned day like normal. He didn’t tell Yuuri this, but noon in Japan is five AM in Switzerland. He was not up when Yuuri called. The cause was worthy.

iNow that everyone has been revived after getting ‘good’ slaughtered by victuuri in ep.10, do you have some time to talk about Otabek Altin? The precious cinnamon roll and Yurio’s new friend? Let’s get to know this Dark Horse.

“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”

“No,” Venom snarls out loud to the street, where the old woman–jesus christ. Where the old woman has just collapsed into dust, leaving nothing behind but her cart and her purse. A car slams into a lamppost, the driver’s seat suddenly empty. Someone is screaming, and they aren’t even screaming at them. “I said no.”

You’ve just aided an old woman knitting by the side of the road, and she reveals herself as a goddess in disguise! Having passed her test and earned your place as the goddess’s chosen hero, she brings you back to her dwelling to choose a magical weapon or item, only to discover that a thief has completely cleaned out her stash! The only magical gift she has left is the pair of knitting needles she was using in her “old lady” disguise.

basically i want 50k of lan xichen courting jiang cheng into being his jaeger co-pilot (and another 50k of them becoming boyfriends)

This AU invaded my brain last night while I was trying to fall asleep, so here’s a bullet list of headcanons so I can get them out of my head/record them somewhere for potential later usefulness. Born out of me reading a thread on Twitter (that I of course can’t find anymore) about the punk group active in Chicago (I think? probably more than one city, but specifically where the author lived) in the ’90s that was organized specifically to keep fascists out of punk clubs. Just zero tolerance for bigotry at punk shows, threw them out of the club immediately, with violence as necessary.

@stultiloquentia correctly pointed out to me that I forgot to include our discussion of LWJ and WWX’s fashion in my headcanons post from yesterday, which was a grievous oversight that must be corrected, plus I’ve had some more thoughts that need to be recorded.

sat down to write a lil vignette-sized cql fic but the fic is a fake excerpt from a made-up academic article about the work of a pretend poet who wants it

Nie Mingjue A northern soldier. Old with a grey beard, Baxia took his head clean off.

[*standing alone and stunned with an armful of Feelings™* Uhhh…] This is not what they wanted, and it’s almost enough that they both know that. Yanli knows that it’s not fair, because she has come out with the better half of the bargain–she gets to stay at Lotus Pier with her brothers, her people, her home. Jin Guangyao has been married off, outside of his Clan, practically abandoned to the plain faced sister of a Sect Leader; the second choice after his older brother’s engagement to her fell through with devastating finality. She doesn’t know if that bothers him–it would have driven A-Cheng to near lunacy, had the same happened to him. But Jin Guangyao has been patient in all of their meetings, his manner pleasant, his smile gentle.