”I’d like to tie you up.” A laugh bubbled out of Wei Wuxian at the unexpected words, and he turned further in his spot to lean over the table and so get closer to his husband. Ink and paper were quickly forgotten on the floor. ”Like with your ribbon? I liked that,” he said, grinning up at Lan Wangji, who was sitting perfectly straight as always. ”No. Properly.”

Lan Wangji has a fantasy. Wei Wuxian gets several clues.

“Please...” Sexual frustration and desperation fill the room, but instead of giving him what he desires, Lan Wangji takes the oil and coats his own hand, staring at it with determination. “I want to know how it feels” Wei Wuxian chokes.

Everyone thinks that the elegant imposing Lan Wangji must be an alpha. Wei Wuxian however will learn the truth once the baby fever hits both of them.

When Wei Ying comes up with a new request, Lan Wangji learns something new about himself: he actually really likes bottoming.

“We have to get up?” Wei Wuxian prompts him. Lan Wangji nods. “Jiang Wanyin said the Wen Clan will be brought in to the conference.” In his arms, Wei Wuxian stiffens. He shakes himself out of Lan Wangji’s hold, sitting upright and brushing his hair back from his face. Incongruous with his love-kissed body and the golden light shining over his skin, his eyes sharpen. A glint, dark as obsidian, replaces the dreamy clouds of a moment before. Lan Wangji mourns the simple happiness, even as he leans in to look at those eyes. “We should go,” Wei Wuxian says. His voice is soft rain, the promise of an oncoming storm. Hanguang-Jun shocks the Four Great Clans by standing beside the Yiling Patriarch and performing a ritual to prove that Wei Wuxian remains on the righteous path. If only every problem could be solved by so simple an act.

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion." Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples. "They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean." At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

The first time Lan Huan sees him, he thinks it’s a trick of the light. The sea glimmers like translucent pearls off of the man’s pectorals, polishes his long wavy hair like jet. But the most fascinating part of him must be the thousands of tiny glittering scales lining his lower abdomen, down, down, down to a pair of translucent olive fins that shimmer like gold in the summer light. Lan Huan breathes in, but the salt spray somehow tangles in his lungs. (Mermaid AU)

Wei Ying has Lan Zhan, and he has A-Yuan, and with his usual generosity, he thinks of a way to give Jiang Li and Jin Zixuan (who have been trying in vain for children for five years) a child of their own. As long as Lan Zhan is okay with it, of course. (Lan Zhan is not okay with it, but he says yes. Lan Zhan just can't say no to Wei Ying, not even when it leads to holding his heat-drunk husband while another man takes him.)

Lan Qiren pens the announcement for the rest of the cultivation world.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t let the Wen Remnants hand themselves over after Jin Zixuan’s death. Instead he makes one last sacrifice to ensure they survive. Months later, a Lan cultivator kneels at the edge of the Burial Mounds, ready to offer himself to the feared Yiling Patriarch. Or: Sacrifice is an old magic, but love is even older.

@stultiloquentia correctly pointed out to me that I forgot to include our discussion of LWJ and WWX’s fashion in my headcanons post from yesterday, which was a grievous oversight that must be corrected, plus I’ve had some more thoughts that need to be recorded.

This AU invaded my brain last night while I was trying to fall asleep, so here’s a bullet list of headcanons so I can get them out of my head/record them somewhere for potential later usefulness. Born out of me reading a thread on Twitter (that I of course can’t find anymore) about the punk group active in Chicago (I think? probably more than one city, but specifically where the author lived) in the ’90s that was organized specifically to keep fascists out of punk clubs. Just zero tolerance for bigotry at punk shows, threw them out of the club immediately, with violence as necessary.

Pale skin, a beautiful face, and dark hair with a Lan headband were all unsurprising, but his ears were capped with blue frills the color of the wall hangings in the Teaching Hall, and below his navel he had a tail, blue and white and tapering to the size of Wei Wuxian’s waist where it dipped below the water. The cold and the shock were finally too much - Wei Wuxian fainted.

Lan Wangji leaned forward to lick the sweat off of Wei Wuxian’s neck. “I am fucking you,” he said as Wei Wuxian started to whine. He took his hand away, blinking his way back into the jingshi. Lan Wangji was laying there as unruffled as ever. “You really like the begging, huh?” Wei Wuxian said weakly. Lan Wangji’s smile was so warm, his eyes so soft. He said, “Wei Ying’s voice is pleasing to me.” --- Wei Wuxian can read Lan Wangji's mind. He's surprised by what he finds there.

Lan Zhan has been in love with his best friend for nearly a decade and despite his attempts, has never managed to confess. Now that Wei Ying's lease is almost up, there's a chance he'll be moving in with him soon, and Lan Zhan isn't sure that's something he'll survive... The impending stress leads to a drink, which in turn leads to a desperate Reddit post that goes viral and attracts attention and advice from... well, none other than Wei Ying, resulting in a series of failed attempts at getting Wei Ying to realize just how Lan Zhan feels about him.

Four times Lan Zhan walks in on his roommate masturbating.

Wei Wuxian is the local malevolent demigod who keeps getting sent virgin sacrifices when he'd much rather be left alone. But then one day, the villagers offer him a virgin he just can't resist...

It wasn't unusual for Lan Wangji to find Wei Ying asleep in unexpected places.

The tentacle climbs up Lan Wangji's forearm and tugs him closer. This time it's his turn to shiver. The feeling is — like nothing he's experienced. Cool and slippery, strong but not the strength of muscles. Soft. He wants to feel it all over. (Wei Wuxian accidentally gets cursed, which results in an impromptu sex vacation. It goes great for everyone involved.)

“All you need to do is be a good boy. Can you do that for me?” With Lan Wangji’s eyes covered, Wei Wuxian cannot help but take note of the way it highlights his other features, such as the gentle slope of his nose, the sharp angle of his jawline, and his plush full lips, just waiting to be kissed. “Yes,” Lan Wangji replies, a beat quicker than usual. He tilts his head up in a silent request. “Wei Ying?” Wei Wuxian crawls up Lan Wangji’s body until he hovers above him, close but not enough to touch. Despite still being fully clothed, Wei Wuxian can feel Lan Wangji’s bare skin radiating heat. “What do good boys say when there’s something they want?” “...Please.”

Lan Wangji discovers a kink. Wei Wuxian narrowly avoids discovering Lan Wangji's kink.

“Well I have to entertain myself somehow while His Excellency is off tending to official cultivator business all day,” Wei Wuxian says with a pout. “Besides, crafting talismans to show your husband just how good he makes you feel isn’t against the sect rules. I checked." The twinkle in his eye is shameless, and Lan Wangji loves him for it. - In which Wei Wuxian makes a sensory-sharing talisman and Lan Wangji makes some self-discoveries.

nirejseki

Wei Ying had been saying something. “I didn’t even like him! It’s just --” “His dick was so big, yes, you’ve said. Several times.” Lan Zhan’s voice was a little strained, probably because he was holding him up while they waited for the elevator in Wei Ying’s building.

sat down to write a lil vignette-sized cql fic but the fic is a fake excerpt from a made-up academic article about the work of a pretend poet who wants it

Lan Zhan’s expression had turned in on itself, more determined now. He leaned in and traced a line of carefully spaced kisses down Wei Ying’s collarbone, lingering over each one. Wei Ying would have been squirming, if he could feel it. Demanding more, faster, asking to be overwhelmed. He wondered if his heart was beating any faster. He felt as if a heartbeat was somehow shaking even his paper body. Imagination rather than a trace of the spell, he was fairly sure. There was nothing in the magic that should let a scrap of paper feel yearning. Or: Wei Ying and Lan Zhan do some experimenting. For SCIENCE.

Lan Qiren had spent so long trying to save his nephews from his brother’s mistake – he would not now allow them to fall into their mother’s. (in which Lan Qiren notices that there's something wrong with Nie Mingjue...but no matter what it sounds like, he can't believe his nephew would poison his own lover)

Wei Ying's fertile mind was always pleasing to him, even when he did not recognize all the fruits that grew there.

Cloud Recesses, Gusu, age 15 “You don’t think they’re really going to make us wake up at mao hour?” Wei Wuxian whined. “Or sleep by the end of xu hour?” “They’re not going to make us do anything,” Jiang Cheng groaned. “It’s just that activities will be ongoing when they’re awake, so if you miss them all by sleeping until si hour, that’s your problem. It’s not like we made them do anything when they were visiting us at the Lotus Pier…” “What are you talking about?” Nie Huaisang wanted to know. “You all most certainly made poor Lan-xiong stay up past his bedtime when he was visiting the Lotus Pier – and the same for the rest of us, too!” Wei Wuxian, who had led most of the forcing-to-stay-up-late nonsense, coughed. “Yes, well…speaking of Lan Zhan, do you think he’ll be happy to see me?” “No,” both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang chorused.

It started with Jiang Cheng being a sticky child, refusing to leave his jie’s side even when she sat for her embroidery lessons; with him being noisy and troublesome and the teacher just shoving the needle and thread into his hands with a muttered comment about it being good for men to know how to repair their own clothing – as if a future sect leader would ever need to know something like that. His mother covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laughter when he presented her with the results of several weeks’ worth of effort: it was just barely recognizable as the world’s ugliest duck. “A symbol of loving devotion,” one of her maids said.

“It’s impossible,” Wen Qing said, her voice flat and eyes icy. “Literally impossible. It would kill you both.” “But –” “If you don’t care about your own life, at least care about his,” she said, and Wei Wuxian fell silent; she’d hit him right where it hurt the most, and he turned and stormed away. Wen Qing waited, watching as Wen Ning ran after him, distressed by his distress, and when he was finally out of earshot, she said, “You may regret that, one day.” Behind her there was a rusty bark of laughter, if that horrible twisted sound, low and grating and rasping at the throat until it bled, could be called a laugh. “I won’t,” Jiang Cheng said. “Thank you for lying to him.”

Wen Qing: okay so like Wen Qing: were either of you going to warn me Wen Qing: that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were Like That? Jin Zixuan: oh no Lan Wangji: I take it you had your first Family Dinner. Lan Wangji: I apologize for the lapse.

Five people who (sort of) learn how Wei Ying became pregnant, and one person who doesn't. (Alternate title: How Lan Qiren lived on in ignorant bliss)

When the Yiling River rages out of control, the townsfolk decide that a living human sacrifice is needed to appease the dragon that dwells in the river, and Lan Zhan bows to his fate.

"I will live in thy heart sleeve, (never) die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes, and moreover, I will go with thee to the extremely boring cultivation conference." –The Yiling Laozu, probably. Wei Wuxian needs a new workshop. Lan Wangji has room in his qiankun sleeves.

Lan Wangji is going to die. Lan Wangji is going to die, and it isn’t even a hyperbole; she is entirely ready to collapse in her seat like a marionette with its strings cut off. The vibrator inside her pulses, and Lan Wangji can barely stop herself from lurching forward and letting out a loud groan. She resists a glance at the row of seats behind her; she knows that Wei Ying is there, watching, and she isn’t entirely sure she isn’t going to come at the sight of Wei Ying’s lazy little smirk. Truly—the things Wei Ying has made her do—shameless. (or; Lan Wangji wears a vibrator to class at the behest of her fuckbuddy Wei Ying, and it ends up a lot hotter and more emotional for both of them.)

Indulging oneself in pleasure is forbidden at the Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian doesn’t realize how serious they are about that rule until he’s sent to the cold springs, however. Alternatively, this is what it feels like to take Lan Wangji to pieces.

Under normal circumstances, he would have never thought of trying something like this, but his husband had run off his mouth while they were being intimate and it had made Lan Wangji very aware of a desire he had never known he had. It was something he had been unable to put out of his mind for over a week. The thought of it made his body warm and eager, and the images his mind conjured were more than enough to make him seek pleasure at odd times, to Wei Wuxian’s great delight. Tonight, he’d surprise him by making his words come true.

Wei Wuxian's messiness comes back to bite him in the ass, a thousand years later. *** "Why are vampire stories always I Want To Drink The Sexy Neck Milkshake and never two vampires texting about the passionate letter one wrote to the other in 1863 but never sent that the other just saw in the Smithsonian’s fall exhibition on Love Through the Ages and what the fuck, Claude, why didn’t you say anything" AU, but with immortal cultivators.

The resentful energy occupying Wei Wuxian's body like an enemy army is very interested in giving him Lan Wangji, tied up with a bow. Wei Wuxian is hoping that Lan Wangji (who is far too noble and very keen to save Wei Wuxian's misguided soul) doesn't find out about any aspect of that.

The Jiang Sect was famous for it's marvelous creations. Lan Wangji is just as enthralled as everyone else until he gets a closer look.

On the morning of his birthday, the Chief Cultivator, Lan Wangji, wakes up on time, as always, and finds his normally-fast-asleep husband wide awake and wearing nothing but a ribbon. He does not leave his bed for another shichen, missing breakfast; he will need to make it up to his family later. He does not care. He knows it will be the only good gift he receives today.

The first time Wei Wuxian sees Lan Zhan naked in the Cold Spring behind Cloud Recesses, she's totally blindsided. Lan Zhan is meditating, tips of her hair trailing through the water when Wei Wuxian arrives and starts to strip down. Her eyes are closed, and her tits are floating in the water in front of her. Several things strike Wei Wuxian in quick succession. Five times Wei Wuxian notices how absolutely enormous Lan Zhan's tits are, and one time she does something about it: A fill for a prompt in the MDZS/CQL Kink Meme.

“Tell me I’m beautiful, Lan er-gege!” “You are well aware you are beautiful,” Lan Wangji says. Wei Wuxian trips over Jiang Wanyin and sends both of them to the ground in a tangle of limbs and bruises.

“Lan Zhan,” he says, gentle, the words like knives on his tongue. He holds Lan Zhan steady as he leans away, with a sense that he’s shaping fire with his hands, a great force bending to his will. They could burn down the world together, he thinks, and then where would they be.

“Really? Right now?” Wei Ying whispered, and Lan Zhan could only nod, a reckless pulse throbbing in his veins.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian got together, of course. They're still figuring things out. Just gratuitous porn. Sometimes that's all you need.

Wei Ying was sprawled on the floor in front of the oscillating fan when Lan Zhan got home from work.

It isn't even an accident, precisely—that might be the most humiliating thing about it. Lan Wangji had tasted the tea, expecting it to be precisely what it revealed itself to be; Lan Wangji had wanted to feel its effects, to gauge them, although he had expected them to be mild. He had brewed the tea himself. An entirely uncoerced and foolish act. Lan Wangji has a misadventure with an aphrodisiac. It works out for everyone.