“-my mother was not Lyanna fucking Stark!” Jon exclaimed, before turning and kicking, vehemently at the sofa, enough to leave brown dustmarks on the purple cloth. He turned back to her, lifting a finger threateningly. “I don’t care what you say. But our father would never- never- sleep with his sister, in fact I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because guess what, Sansa? You should already know that!” [Sansa tries to tell Jon who his mother is. Jon thinks he’s an incest-baby. Which........ isn’t wrong.]

“I just told the scribes to send various copies around the realm. A couple of months should suffice for people to decide whether they wish to join,” Aegon says, and – Jon reads the first half of message. Then reads it again. Then a third time, and at that point he can’t think he hallucinated it as much as it seems the most likely explanation. “Your Grace, you didn’t just organize a tourney for my hand.” Or: in which Aegon decides that it's time his adoptive father moves on with his life and finds himself a nice guy to settle with. It's just his luck that Aegon is in the perfect position to make it happen.

MSNBC Breaking News: Heir to Stark Fortune Snubs Merger with Billionaire Walder Frey; Frey Retaliates with Vicious Attack on Twitter.

“You held your vow to my girls,” she croaks, and now she’s… half-smiling? Gods, what? “You did your best. I am thankful for it. I want to repay you as a last gift for your service.” Brienne nods, barely. “My lady…?” She’s aware she hasn’t said anything other than that until now, but what should she be doing? “You must choose. You want him, for what he’s worth, or his head?” Wait. Gods, is she telling Brienne that she’s willing to kill him for her or to just leave him to her if she wants him back?

Theon has some interesting family traits. He didn't expect Robb to be quite so understanding.

in which Ned doesn't die but wargs into one pigeon instead. Incidentally, it doesn't stop him from preventing a war and saving both his family and the entirety of Westeros.

in which Tommen discovers a new favorite band, Tyrion pays Jaime a favor, Jaime gets to reconnect with at least one of his children, Brienne is a responsible adult who might want to act up on a few fantasies, Loras and Renly are pro enablers and everyone is down with some healthy dismissal of gender roles.

“Excuse me,” Tywin Lannister grits through his teeth, “my son is doing what?” Stannis tries to not sigh loudly. It would not do in front of the Hand of the King. “You have the raven, my lord. He says he wishes to resign from the Kingsguard as he has not been here for a full year and does not plan to come back, and that he’s perfectly happy roaming the Stormlands and the Trident along with the last Evenstar.” “The last Evenstar.” “Yes.” “The abomination.” Stannis shrugs. “Technically she is one, but I can assure my lord Hand that she is actually quite competent to discuss with.” He’d know. She had better ideas for actually helping the commoners than most of his advisors. He wishes he could make her one. “Competent. She’s an abomination.” “She’s a useful one,” he shrugs. “Also, your son does not seem to agree.” Or: in which Jaime goes to Tarth to slay a supposed monster terrorizing the Stormlands to do something honorable with his life. It doesn't go like that at all.