Tony Stark meets a recently thawed out Captain America.

What it says on the tin, but strangely less cracky.

take superheroes, add baby, stir (until what have I done)

Steve closes his eyes in 1945 and wakes up in 2012. Well. They certainly didn’t put that on the recruiting poster. [Companion to The Minor Fall, the Major Lift.]

Short stories from the Toasterverse, because the author gets panicky writing long form stories built around plot and has to finish something in order to function. Phil has problems with these people. So does the Author.

His power's running low, the arc reactor flickering. Cold, rancid sewer water is rushing into the fissure at his torn up shoulder, filling up the gaps, rising along his neck in frigid fingers. He's been like this before.

"Do you think this is still a training exercise, or did we just get our asses handed to us by actual bad guys?" asked Clint. Tony, Steve, Clint and Bruce spend quality time together in a cave. Tony does not build another arc reactor (even if he sort of needs one). Steve is all Protective Leader. Clint is terrifyingly good with a knife. Bruce bleeds and snarks. There is banter and embarassing amounts of schmoop and the boys get very touchy-feely.

Steve Rogers is always the groomsman and never the groom. Tony Stark hates feelings and ancient alien prophecies. Or, five weddings Captain America attended, and one he crashed. Not necessarily in that order.

Steve dares to stick his head into the workshop on a Tuesday which had so far been filled only with paperwork, and as soon as he actually comprehends what he's seeing, he kind of just wants to forget the filing and the G-33 forms and just stay down there forever.

This is how they piece it together and make it work.

In which everybody loses their powers, Tony goes a little bit crazy, Natalie: Super PA! makes a reappearance, Clint shows off his super ninja spy skills, Thor fucks off back to Asgard, Steve is a tactical genius, Coulson not-so-secretly loves terrible television shows, nobody should ever be allowed to name anything ever, and there is an evil magical cult.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

On the plus side, marriage is bound to be easier than proposing.

Tony was pretty sure nothing like this had ever happened to him before.

When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right. That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

As good as you get: "The problem was, really, Kris Allen was a tease." If You Can't See Where It Keeps Its Brain: "The Sorting Hat has its own agenda." I Woke Up In Love This Morning: He was hazy, half-asleep and incredibly comfortable and still half-lost in the most amazing dream. Five Reasons Xander Harris Hates Pete Wentz: If the Bandom'verse and the Buffy'verse all occupied the same 'verse, this is exactly what would have happened. red, red, gold: "Her name is Tasha Stark, and you won’t break her."

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

Steve Rogers is a good man and when he feels he owes an apology, not even exhaustion and double-vision is going to stop him from giving it.

Tony, Steve, Clint and Bruce spend quality time together in a cave. Tony does not build another arc reactor (even if he sort of needs one). Steve is all Protective Leader. Clint is terrifyingly good with a knife. Bruce bleeds and snarks. There is banter and embarassing amounts of schmoop and the boys get very touchy-feely.

Tony is enlisted to help Steve Rogers acclimate to the modern world. Expect humor, friendship, muted drama, and page after page of awkward conversations. As of now, slash if you squint.

Few people ever see inside Tony Stark; fewer can stomach what they find; next to no one claims to still like him afterwards. So Tony hides, closing all the doors and battening down the hatches, using charm and confidence as armor when he's not in the suit. To Tony's horror, Steve somehow manages to see inside him anyway.

The news report seems more interested in the argument between the team during the fight than the way they eventually won. And then it gets worse.

The glass case that holds Captain America's uniform and shield is filled to the brim with what looks like a bright orange gelatin.

OR: Five Times Everyone Else Noticed Steve and Tony Were Married and One Time They Noticed It Themselves In which Steve and Tony are married, except they're not, Natasha wishes for popcorn, Bruce has to share a lab, and everyone learns to never hide Thor's PopTarts.

From the Avengers Case Files of Phil Coulson: Grocery shopping is necessary, Tony's a little too proud of his tech, Captain America's lost on the streets of New York, and sometimes social injustice just happens. Phil Coulson's the one who's got to write this nonsense up, and he is not their PR Manager.

Steve takes Tony back to his apartment to recharge and get warmed up following a fight with a supervillain. PG-13-rated shower sex ensues.

Every fandom needs a High School AU. It's practically required by law.

Notes: The Helicarrier! You want hysterical and perfect characterization, look no further. This fic was just begging to be read. It has such amazing dialogue, and it genuinely made me laugh out loud while I was reading it, and it also happens to be by one of my favorite folks on tumblr (seriously if you are not following lucy re-evaluate your life).

It was supposed to be just an assignment. Falling for the person she was supposed to protect wasn’t really in the plan. But when do plans ever stay the same?

Steve hasn't always had this ridiculous crush on Tony Stark. (Or, the one where Steve is his polite old self and doesn't really hate Tony Stark (unfortunately), Tony is a child progidy and apparently a cab driver now, too, and high school is still high school, even when you are the son of a billionaire.)

So gyzym wrote a bunch of Steve/Tony kidfics on tumblr, and I podficced them, because they're adorable and lovely and squee-ful and just so, so perfect. And then there were four more and I pounced on them!

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

In which Coulson is his frighteningly competent self, but this time, the Avengers notice.

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

Stephanie Rogers isn't happy to be in the 21st century, but she's even less thrilled to be on a team with Antonia Stark who seems as spoiled and self-centered as people come. She and Tony do their best to ignore each other, until their mutual insomnia (read: nightmares) causes them to bond over the new American pastime: late night television watching.

It's Fashion Week in New York and everyone who matters is here to judge and be judged. Clint's been steadfastly ignoring the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach all day. He adjusts the silvery gray jacket Tony had thrust at him earlier and smooths out an imaginary crease in his linen pants. Tony is an amazing artist, not just when it comes to fashion, but in everything he does. Clint has no doubt he'll be fine. But try telling Tony that today and you'll get hit. Hard.

Frigga is sure that her youngest son is not lost to her forever. He just needs one chance to prove that he can be saved, that he is worthy of being saved. Midgard was the making of Thor, perhaps that may be where some of the answers lie . . . there and in the heart of Jotunheim.

He's met Toni Stark. He's seen the best that this century has to offer, dolled up in impenetrable sunglasses and a lipstick-stained grin, and he knows that this world isn't going to save itself.

Everyone in their life has had a little case of hero worship. A tiny crush on a celebrity. A teenage infatuation. Dummy Stark-Rogers is not any different. And the Mars Rover Curiosity is a stunning piece of tech.

Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

Choices: "Sylar's on a quest for powers, but Gerard just wants to help." You Know These Words (Like an Old Country Song): "Movieverse. The one where Clint Barton used to be a Hunter. A crossover of sorts with Supernatural." Spin and Rinse: "Set in the early van days, Brian forces the boys to stop at a laundromat."

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

"Tony Stark sometimes doesn't make the best choices with his health. Tony is usually bad at communicating. Steve usually doesn't end up in medical, but there are always exceptions. "Phil Coulson is the one who has to write up this nonsense, and he can't keep the Avengers out of medical."

Stop the Presses: "Kavanagh gets his revenge. Written for the Documentary Challenge in SGA Flashfic. Posted January 2006." Sandcastles: "Home is what you make it." Golden Rule Days (Our Modern Family Belongs To Us): "How Kat Barton comes to realizes that her very large “family” maybe isn’t normal—but that’s what makes it awesome. Movieverse. Inspired by workerbee73’s Career Day, but it got out of hand. >_>" Momentum: "It doesn't matter who you are; eventually, everyone's past catches up to them."

Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School.

A series of days in a new life. Captain Steven Rogers gets a little help adapting to the 21st century from Darcy and Wolverine, and Tony wonders when exactly he turned into the mature person in the room.

Steve and Tony accidentally start a national do-gooders association and fall in love.

Twisted Gifted: Some gifts really need to be returned. Truths, Lies and the Tipping Point: The news report seems more interested in the argument between the team during the fight than the way they eventually won. And then it gets worse. Minions First: Technically, and she will use this contextually with the phrase "meet cute" in the future, the first time Darcy Lewis ever talked to Clint Barton was in a storage closet.