"Fair sir," said the knight, or Jedi warrior, or whatever the fuck he was, "will ye just?" "Will I which?" "Will you try passage of arms for land or lady or for—" "Seriously? Seriously? What, did someone drop acid in the fake mead at the Renaissance Fair? Stop dicking around, man, and fuck off."

"His life's a fucking space opera. And not even the erotic type that airs on New HBO. No, it's the animated comic type where the captain goes splat against the wall every episode and the pointy-eared bastard quirks his pointy eyebrow and steps on the captain's flattened remains."