“So,” says Sheriff Stilinski, raising one eyebrow. “You decided not to play video games at Scott’s, after all?” “Uh,” Stiles says. His eyes are wide and caught-out, and he’s got his arms wrapped around two giant tubs of popcorn. Beside him, Derek Hale—the same Derek Hale that the Sheriff last saw in his interrogation room—is handing a $20 bill to the cashier and clearly trying to appear as casual as possible. He fumbles the change three times before he gets it into his pocket, though, so it’s a lost cause.

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

Stiles is in the sparse woods on the slope beside Beacon Hills Cemetery, which wasn’t where Scott said he’d be at all, which is why it takes Derek an hour and a half to find him by following the grease-boy-whiskey scent of the Jeep’s meandering path.

The pack takes a trip to IKEA. Stiles slowly loses his mind.

The first time Stiles dresses Caleb up in a ridiculous outfit Derek thinks it’s a joke. He comes home from work one day and is greeted by the sight of their newborn pup in a zebra onesie complete with ears and a tail.

"If the explanation for making me late for work is that you guys were using me as a human stick in an epic game of werewolf fetch," he says, "I am going to be pissed." --- Four times the pack used Stiles as a stick, and once he got them to fetch Derek.

Stiles looks up. Slowly. “Holy shit,” he says. The tentacle is attached to more tentacles which are attached to a giant glowing squid thing. “That is not the droid we were looking for.”

There's a pattern Sheriff Stilinski just can't ignore.

The Mending That You Need: “He’s not my boyfriend, Stiles. He’s a man from a club. I couldn’t call him, if I wanted to.” The One Where Derek Almost Dies: "You remember that one time you got shot and almost died in my car? And that other time when... well, you were shot then too and almost died in my car... again. What is it with you and almost dying in my car?""

“Blue Wolf, come in, Blue Wolf. You should really thank me for suggesting the pink tie, as it’s clearly bringing all the ladies to the yard.”

"I'm stronger than I look."

Twisted Gifted: Some gifts really need to be returned. Truths, Lies and the Tipping Point: The news report seems more interested in the argument between the team during the fight than the way they eventually won. And then it gets worse. Minions First: Technically, and she will use this contextually with the phrase "meet cute" in the future, the first time Darcy Lewis ever talked to Clint Barton was in a storage closet.

In which Scott notices Derek and Stiles, gets very confused, and tries to be a good friend.

"He misses his regular appointment to get shorn because he's too busy trying to keep Scott out of trouble and he starts to look a little bit like a hedgehog. By the time he misses the rescheduled appointment though, his hair's grown out enough that he really can't be bothered."

The thing about gymnastics is that it's a lot of work. And time. And busted muscles, And calluses everywhere. (Yes. Even there.) And having no social life whatsoever. All that for the distinction of being really good at gymnastics. Which does not exactly bolster Stiles's already tenuous masculinity.

Stiles has been getting gifts lately… a lot of them.

In which Stiles explores a few off-label uses of mountain ash.

Stiles would have asked who in their right mind thought a kissing booth was a good idea for a fundraiser, except – oh, right – he’s on a lacrosse team populated entirely by male models.

It all starts with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pez dispenser.

But no one said anything about sisters. Wherein Derek drunk dials Stiles, Stiles didn't know ANYONE was that interested in his moles and Laura can't stop laughing.

The third time, Stiles says, “You’re such a good boy,” while Derek’s quivering at his feet. It’s kind of tentative; his voice rising at the end like it’s a question, but the sound Derek makes in response…oh my God. And now Stiles really understands. He gets it.

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

Stiles is at the Hale house, lounging on the front stoop watching Isaac, Erica, and Boyd wrestle, when the baby comes running out of the woods. - Derek becomes instant father to a magically appearing baby and falls in love. Stiles can’t take the cute and worries Derek’s heart will break if he loses the kid.

In which Derek and Stiles are essentially a married couple. Except they're not actually dating.

The first day of Junior year for Stiles isn’t just spent going over course syllabi, but also finding out that while he had been shipped off to family for the summer, that the werewolves in town had an Alpha pack to deal with. Heavily frustrated, Team Human figure it’s long past time that they start taking their own safety into their hands.

The day starts with a wild goose chase. Given the past year, Derek figures things can only get worse.

In which Stiles is so over this peril business and Derek's baking has completely disrupted his entire world view.

"Dude," Stiles is saying. "It's only going to work if you look like you don't hate me." "I don't hate you," Derek grits out, and pulls Stiles uncomfortably close, until there is a knobbly elbow digging into his side.

A reading of verity's story. The first time they had sex, it was the full moon, and things went very quickly...

"Stiles’ first memory of his mom is green. Her green eyes, her green dresses, her green scarves, her green blouses and her green barrettes."

"The thing is, Stiles has no interest whatsoever in going on a TV dating show. Deep down, in his heart of hearts - and publicly, to anyone who is foolish enough to bring up the topic - Stiles thinks it's kind of pathetic. Because it's all fake, for starters, like all "reality" TV is fake, but also he thinks the people who go on those shows are more interested in attention than love, so what's the point? It's like narcissistic masturbation with some television exhibitionism thrown in for good measure. And letting the entire nation - nay, the world - mock your lack of pick-up prowess? Noooo thank you."

In which Derek and Stiles are college roommates, and everyone saw this coming before they did. “How do you even get up there?” Scott asks skeptically. Loft beds are tricky enough on their own, he doesn’t know what possessed Derek and Stiles to push theirs together. Why would anybody try to create a king-sized loft bed in a teensy tiny dorm room?

“Derek,” Cora growls from halfway across the Quidditch pitch, her bat paused mid-air like she’d been about to go for a swing. “What the holy hell is your weirdo Gryffindor boyfriend doing?”

Derek is only too aware of his destiny - choose a calling, ascend to the pantheon of gods that the rest of his family is a part of. Trouble is, though, he can't seem to decide where to focus his strengths, shies away from the power and responsibility thrust upon him and prefers to escape and to watch the progress of humanity throughout time. He feels a bigger affinity with the humans than with his own kind, and revels in watching the fragile, mortal creatures he loves so much embody all the traits he holds dear. It's a passing hobby, that is, until he catches a glimpse of someone who demands his attention like no other.

Four Times That These Awesome and Patient Ladies Tried to Get Those Two Goofs to Just Kiss Already and One Time They Finally Made Out