Alternate names – ‘this human emotion called ‘butt-touch,’’ ‘but who tops,’ ‘parkourstuck’ Steps 1. Be Dave Strider, human, tricker extraordinaire and minor GrubTube sensation. Meet some douchebag at a practice session. 2. Be Karkat Vantas, troll, traceur with a few tricks and an ornery fucker with something to hide. 3. Step into the trick, keep your core tight, and flip. 4. Keep flipping. 5. Now kiss. Tips -Drink plenty of water. -Don’t slow down as you’re approaching the obstacle! That’s stutter-stepping, and you will fuck up hard. -Knees up, shoulders back. -Quit worrying already and touch his hot butt.

The halls of the Gods are empty, echoing with unheard prayers. The forces of corruption and decay are growing in power. Soon they shall sweep across the world like an unholy plague. From the deep caverns beneath the majestic Dragonshard Mountains, across the mighty Greenweald Forest, to the fair city of Porthaven on the storm-wracked coast, there are fourteen people with the mark of a divine ruler on their skin. They do not know it, but they and only they can save the world from apocalypse and ruin. So naturally, they're going to spend as long as possible arsing about slaying monsters and looting ancient temples. 'Cos, you know, adventurers.

Companion Pieces to "In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family was Assigned by Nick Fury)" Sometimes I write foolish things (disclaimer: I always write foolish things) and sometimes there are lines, or actions, or interactions that only make sense to me. Because I have reasons for almost everything. And some part of me is waiting for someone to ask me about the bizarre little things I put in my stories. Occasionally, someone is dumb enough to do just that, and then I babble at them on my Tumblr (http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com). I BABBLE SO MUCH. This is a compilation of all the short stories of why characters react the way they do in my stories. Some are drabbles, some are character studies, some are short stories. Some are edited, some are stream of consciousness. All are foolishness. I like it that way. And I love answering questions. 8)

Erwin believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that Levi had climbed that wall.

On any given day, Sherlock might come out of the bathroom smelling like an Alpha on the hunt (Alpha #8) or an Omega in heat (Omega #9), a Beta brooding (Beta #3), or like no gender at all. The last one was his actual scent, which wasn't so much scentless as confusing. At least in an adult. If Sherlock and John were the sort of people to read Mills and Boon novels, they could have said that what occurred was because destiny intervened and set two destined lovers in their one true pairings' path. It was the lasagna.

Fenris has kept busy since the events at Kirkwall. Tracking Tevinter slavers in the South leads him to the Temple of Sacred Ashes the night before the Conclave. From there, everything begins to fall apart. OR: Fenris is the Inquisitor and he has no patience for Venatori bullshit.

"Reborn!" "You weren't taking your training seriously, and I decided to take a leaf out of your current favourite manga, Dame-Tsuna. You should recognise the game." "You didn't." He'd been reading Sword Art Online, and of course Reborn would think that full immersion into a video game was a fantastic idea.

Dragon's fire is not so easily extinguished; when Zuko rediscovers a lost firebending technique, shifting flames can shift the world...

In one world, the Tenth Generation escape to a world of heroes. In this reality, they flee to a world of Pokemon.

or, Catharsis: The Fic In which Wei Wuxian, shortly after being called into Mo Xuanyu’s body, is further forced into the past, where he proceeds to tumble his way into absolutely nailing a time travel fix-it.

Wei Wuxian was fully prepared to be rejected – no matter what Jiang Cheng said about the Sunshot Campaign caring more about defeating the Wens than anything else, the fact remained that his cultivation was most decidedly abnormal and unorthodox, the sort of thing the cultivation world most scorned. He’d already decided that if they did that, he would return to his previous approach of stalking the Wens from the shadows, fighting them in his own way, on his own. Instead, he walked into the command tent, Chenqing gripped tightly in his hand, and Nie Mingjue didn’t so much as blink, just said, “Can you do anything but ambushes?” and the next thing he knew, it was three shichen later, he’d shared far more than he’d meant to about his new cultivation style, and there were eight different plans of attack that would greatly increase his effectiveness on the battlefield. It was – exhilarating, actually. (in which Nie Mingjue and Wei Wuxian become sworn brothers)

Nie Mingjue leaves his first Discussion Conference as a Sect Leader early, desperately needing to find some fresh air and possibly something to hit. Instead he finds a small, dirty child that reminds him of his brother, cowering away from some dogs - Maybe he should take him home.

She has no throne. Girls without thrones should not have knights, but hers won’t go. Princess Zelda – the girl who killed Calamity – would love to fade into legend, but Link’s bought a house, he’s fighting off monsters, and he’s selling giant horses to strangely familiar Gerudo men. She'll never have any peace now.

The thought had been niggling at the back of his mind quite a bit lately. He wasn’t showing Shang Qinghua proper obeisance, was he? They’d grown so comfortable in their roles - Mobei-Jun as Shang Qinghua’s king, and Shang Qinghua as his dutiful servant - that they hadn’t thought to… stop. It was how it had always been. But things were different, now, weren’t they? They’d been different for a long time now. To ignore that wasn’t proper. That stops now, Mobei-Jun decides. His ancestors would be rolling in their graves to see him ignore the proper rites of courtship - the fact that he and Shang Qinghua were already mated besides. He was not raised to be some kind of country rube, as much as being sequestered so far up north might imply otherwise. Shang Qinghua was his partner, and, with all factors properly calculated, the more powerful of the two. It was only proper that Mobei-Jun display an appropriate level of submission to his better. -- Mobei-Jun realizes with increasing clarity that he wants to serve Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua does NOT pick up on it.

No one knows what the Council is hiding, but the effects ripple throughout the galaxy. Anakin knows he is loved. Former slaves are freed. A long-lost Master and his Padawan are returned to the Temple. No one understands how Obi-Wan Kenobi does these things, but they are grateful for it anyway. A time-travel story from the points of view of everyone but the time travelers.

Proud Immortal Demon Way's fanfic selection is vast, terrible, and filled with things much worse written than the original work itself, and that's saying something. Shen Yuan was just enough of a masochist to willingly, after another stupid update where Luo Binghe has to papapa another sister for some ludicrous reason that doesn't even make any sense, decide to delve into that lurid cesspool of creative death and unbeta'd pornography far more explicit than anything Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had ever written. Which is how he finds himself in a fanfic called Proud Immortal Demon's Milky Way.

Quinlan finds a man frozen in carbonite on Geonosis. That's just the start of his problems.

High Sage Kenji blesses Fire Prince Zuko with the resilience of the reed, who bends in the wind and never breaks. When he is done, Fire Prince Ozai narrows his eyes, seemingly displeased by this blessing. But Kenji does not speak for himself; he is only a vessel. * The newly-crowned Fire Lord Ozai offers his firstborn son to service in the temple. This turns out to be a catastrophic mistake.

Shang Qinghua goes to take a self-indulgent peek at his baby protagonist son and gets a kick to the shrivelled heart for his troubles. He gave up on changing the story years ago! Yet he finds himself helping his protagonist son's adoptive mother anyway. Just this one change won't matter too much, right? One little change leads to more. Shang Qinghua never meant to care, but he becomes invested in making sure that his new family survives the looming plot. With the changes to the world cascading around him, with his position as a traitor pulling him between his sect and a certain ice demon, and with the protagonist growing up so quickly, how is one displaced author meant to ensure that everything turns out all right? A Pre-Canon to Canon Divergence story.

AU based on The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir (familiarity with that story's not required). Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming.

In the first months of the war, A'Sharad finds a whole tribe of his people viciously slaughtered, with only one survivor. What begins as an investigation to find the culprit and a mission from the Council to support Tatooine's petition to enter the Republic rapidly turns into something else entirely, though, and A'Sharad, his padawan, and their tiny clone squad find themselves caught up in mysteries that can be traced all the way back to the start of the Republic.

Shang Hua really lucked out being reborn as the much-coddled son of one of the most ferocious demon matriarchs of the north. There are only a few, minor, inconsequential downsides.

In which Midoriya Inko happens to be the reincarnation of one Izumi Curtis- and the world will never be the same.

He saw the horn poking out from the pony's head, golden and straight and somehow delicate-looking despite the empty tuna can hanging off of it. The unicorn horn. "The fuck," Sidney said out loud, his eye skipping from the horn over the greyish-white body to the graceful gold-toned hooves.

In its early stages, this project appears to be achieving the initial goals, and has greatly expanded the availability of samples for study across a broad range of disciplines. Inspired by metamorphosis by ionthesparrow.

Smut ficlets, mostly Mpreg related, but knowing me it will likely spiral.

When Dark Woman orders him to fall in the name of finding the Sith Lord and ending the war, Jon obeys the way he always does. If it's in the name of saving more lives, he can believe it's worth it, no matter what he has to do. Rex and Cody getting dragged down with him was never something he intended.

They were made for the Jedi. That’s the party line, anyway, and Rex says, “Yes, sir” because he was trained by the best, but he doesn’t believe it. And then Knight Kenobi becomes part of the 501st. He wears beskar’gam and headbutts droids and one time he confesses that the last time he fought in a war, he had to leave the Order to do it. Rex still doesn’t believe that he and his brothers were made for the Jedi, but he thinks maybe, this Jedi was made for them. Or, the one where Torrent is Like That, and Cody blames them for all his premature gray hairs.

Boba Fett likes to be in control. Din Djarin feels more out of control with every passing day. Giving control over to Boba would make both of them happy. Din just doesn't understand why that has to be so complicated. (Or, rebuilding an entire culture is hard. Boba helps, more or less.)

Travelling endlessly through the untamed territories of the Outer Rim, renowned bounty hunter Din Djarin meets a lot of people. Some of them are more interesting than others. And some of them have a truly awe-inspiring number of ponchos. Cal Kestis is a remnant of a decimated Order, but there's plenty of hope for the future. It's time to rebuild, and perhaps make some new friends along the way.

Jango Fett makes a comeback as Mand’alor during the Mandalorian Civil Wars by reviving an archaic tradition – rescuing an enemy in battle in order to wed them into one’s clan. Such was often, in the past, how the ending of feuds began. So he rescues Lady Satine Kryze and her Jedi Protector, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. As for marrying them into his clan – well. Clan Fett is a Clan of exactly one, at the moment. He’s thought this through. Really. Not getting more than he bargained for with two catty and lovesick teenaged revolutionaries at all. It’s fine. Things are fine. He is completely in control. (Is he, though?)

Sent to scout Ferelden for the Arishok, Saemus and Ashaad end up taking shelter with the Avvar. Then they sort of...forget to leave.

In which Jon Snow, a Brother of the Night’s Watch, breaks no vows but somehow ends up with a family anyways. (An AU where instead of meeting Ygritte, Jon runs into Tormund and his daughters first.)

“When the Night’s King rides,” the giant said, each word slow as cold honey pouring, “the King in the North must answer. The King in the North…whose name is Stark.”

The deep satisfaction of having made the right choice; of having found a clear-flowing wellspring of true honor to protect.

Fox has seen many things seized during raids. Illegal weapons, Spice and other assorted of banned drugs, slaves, carnivorous beasts trained for the fighting rings, the list goes on. Nothing prepared him for finding beskar among the crates of contraband and bad life choices.

Despite the council's objections, Qui-Gon takes a new and promising padawan before Feemor is a made a Knight. Left adrift after failing his Trials, with nothing to do but wait and try to adjust to his new situation, Feemor makes the trip back to his homeworld, only to stumble over a strange old lightsaber in an ancient Mandalorian keep. Tarre Vizsla has spent a long time waiting for a Jedi to take up his blade again, but even with the Darksaber finally out of Mandalorian hands, the Mandalorian civil war is spiraling rapidly out of control. As a former Mand'alor, Tarre has an obligation to his people - one that Feemor is going to have to fulfill in his place.