Merton and Stiles met in a chat room. Merton knows the 'script' Stiles is writing about a human and his troubles with a werewolf pack isn't a script at all. But how does he approach the subject without making himself sound crazy in the process? A very important question will finally be answered. What makes a pack?

Eyes ahead.

Teen Wolf/SGA team-fic, with Lydia being awesome. “This is a terrible idea,” Stiles tells the room again. “You’ll all be sorry when Derek pushes me off a cliff.”

In which there are parties, awkwardness and orgasms.

“You really are good at that,” Dylan says, echoing his thoughts. “Good at what, exactly?” Chris says, lifting one finger to his mouth and licking it, which makes Dylan’s eyelashes flutter. “All of it,” Dylan sighs. “All of it. All the parts.”

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

Gyzym's not!fics are addictive, I swear. So here are four more, kinda-sorta in the Bedtime Stories 'verse, but this time with bonus Teen Wolf! The titles are pretty self-explanatory, the links are to the texts on gyzym's tumblr, and I haven't linked to their individual downloads because that made the page really confusing - the files are clearly labelled, so if you don't want one, you can just delete it from the group folder.

Natural Selection: "BEACON, also known as the Bureau of Enforcement, Armed Combat and Offensive Neutralization (it sure is offensive, Stiles thinks) has established the Avengers Initiative in order to, uh, fight crime. And rampaging alien hordes. And stuff....And somehow, in the middle of all this chaos, the Hulk and Iron Man find love." Kids From Yesterday (OR, Mohawks for Everyone): "Okay, this bandom family stuff is unreal. Who needs to make this shit up?"

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

"Does it change you, being turned?" Patrick asks. "I mean, obviously the physical stuff, but does it change who you are?" Erica takes off her helmet, then leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "It depends on how much the physical stuff makes you who you are, I guess."

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

"What? Why would-- Derek, why would your daemon encourage mine to touch you?" Stiles fakes calm well, but his heart gives him away. "Because Luminera is a deviant." He shrugs. He accepted Luminera's reckless behavior years ago.

Stiles’ first memory of his mom is green. Her green eyes, her green dresses, her green scarves, her green blouses and her green barrettes.

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon)

Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

Stiles turns to look at her, schools his face into an expression of exasperation, but then there’s a rush—a current, a wave, a familiar tendril of smart, precise, hot pink and sharp heels and wicked smartness—and—

Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

"Stiles’ first memory of his mom is green. Her green eyes, her green dresses, her green scarves, her green blouses and her green barrettes."

The study group finds a new show to watch: MTV's Teen Wolf.

"Stiles is Brian, Derek is Dom and Scott is Mia. That's where it gets weird."

Five times Stiles served mostly normal drinks in a coffee shop.

Stiles is wandering the corridors of Stargate Command in search of caffeine and calories when he meets Major Ford.

The second time Derek and Stiles meet is in a gay bar. A wizarding gay bar. It's very sparkly. Series

Stiles is ten when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seem to continue indefinitely. "Then he's facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There's Mr. Hale asleep - he hopes asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that's his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man's chest so he knows he's alive, but he's not waking up. He shoves away his hood so he can shout, "Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there's a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!" Nothing, he's not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breaths like they're having the most peaceful of rests, and Stiles is going to cry. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" There's a moment, where all Stiles can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it's all back and both of the men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet. "

"Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon)."

Stiles gets kidnapped by crazy hunters. It's super.

“Derek,” Cora growls from halfway across the Quidditch pitch, her bat paused mid-air like she’d been about to go for a swing. “What the holy hell is your weirdo Gryffindor boyfriend doing?”

Stiles Stilinski is a spark. [AU after Thor]

After the events with Deucalion and Jennifer Blake, Derek goes on a search for his biological family. He, Stiles, and Cora head to New York City to try to find the family he doesn’t remember. It turns out that there was a lot to his adoption that he never knew.

A warlock and a banshee walk into a coffee shop... Life, death, courage and everything in between.

Short fics originally posted to my Tumblr, edited and collected here.

Derek knew the moment he agreed to participate that he was going to regret this.

The one where the Talia Hale is the sister of Morticia Addams and the Hales are a little kookier than they were in the show. Also, you know. Alive. This is Derek's story.