"My name is Karkat Vantas," you say when the recording starts. "Imperial ID number 4136-1211-15201. I'm applying for status as a pail slave. I'm," you swallow hard to try to clear the lump from your throat, "I'm unfit for standard contribution due to abnormal hemotype, but I want to serve my Empire to the best of my ability. I understand the physical demands of the position and," your voice cracks, "I'm training to be better prepared for them. I swear to cooperate readily and faithfully with my assigned user. I surrender my body to Imperial custody. All hail Her Imperious Condescension, and all hail her glorious Empire."

You are DAVE STRIDER, former secretarial asset, current forensitech and forever SWAG AS FUCK. You have been asked by your therapist to create a journal, and both of your girlfriends thought this was A REALLY GREAT IDEA DAVE, YOU SHOULD DO IT and YES, THIS IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA. I LOOK FORWARD TO FOLLOWING YOUR TROLLMBLR. Protesting that you already engaged in therapeutic venting through your RAPS and SICK BEATS fell on deaf ears. Welp. Looks like you have a blog. Time to get your socializing on.