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Doomed Dave: take this one for the team.
[http://archiveofourown.org/works/171481] - - public:opalsong
Making a dick joke was a strategic error. You put the subject on the metaphorical table. You're now thinking about troll dick.
The Trouble With Unicorns
[http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/trouble-with-unicorns-audiobook] - - public:opalsong
"If you'd been lectured by my father for four hours on your thirteenth birthday about all the many disasters that occur to a realm when you muddy the succession with bastards, you wouldn't have been very quick to dive into bed with the nearest servant girl, either," Arthur muttered.
Unicorn Bait
[http://archiveofourown.org/works/5593030] - - public:opalsong
Kon is bored easily, and Tim is skittish.
His Radiance
[https://archiveofourown.org/works/13923000] - - public:opalsong
It's not that Cullen's a virgin, he's just never done this before.