CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

Homo sapiens domesticus Humans (Homo sapiens domesticus) are short-lived primates of the family Hominidae, and the only existant species of the genus Homo. They originated in Africa, and spread to other continents of planet Earth within a megavorn. While fractious and warlike in their wild state, they are easily trained to a useful function.

kchanlp: NaruSasu + Itachi. Maybe hipster? In which big brother has to teach Sasuke how he should first and foremost close the goddamn door when his goddamn boyfriend is in his room doing goddamn... things.

"So, honeybee. I think I found a third for that idea you had. Well, third and fourth.” “Which idea? FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE—“ Some turd tried to sneak up and shank him from behind. Mituna nuked him into orbit, then turned his attention to Latula. “The helmsman idea.” He froze. That idea. Oh fuck. Ohhhh, FUCK. He thought she’d maybe forgotten that one.

"I ain't opposed to getting my wetware wet," she says. You think you could almost make out the words just from the movements of her lips against your ear, and that gets all down your spine even as part of you writhes in annoyance at a seadweller without any modifications beyond the cosmetic using the word wetware. Fuck it, it's still hot.

Their first date is objectively pretty great. But later, when Bucky comes after Steve slides inside him and slaps him on the ass, Steve knows this is going to be fun.

The youngest prince of Atlantis goes looking for the Sea Witch in hopes of turning human. He never makes it that far.

“All you need to do is be a good boy. Can you do that for me?” With Lan Wangji’s eyes covered, Wei Wuxian cannot help but take note of the way it highlights his other features, such as the gentle slope of his nose, the sharp angle of his jawline, and his plush full lips, just waiting to be kissed. “Yes,” Lan Wangji replies, a beat quicker than usual. He tilts his head up in a silent request. “Wei Ying?” Wei Wuxian crawls up Lan Wangji’s body until he hovers above him, close but not enough to touch. Despite still being fully clothed, Wei Wuxian can feel Lan Wangji’s bare skin radiating heat. “What do good boys say when there’s something they want?” “...Please.”

Xiao Xingchen’s hip jerked toward the wand, but against the wide fix of the spreader bar between his knees, he had little leverage. Song Lan just moved the wand with him.

When the Yiling River rages out of control, the townsfolk decide that a living human sacrifice is needed to appease the dragon that dwells in the river, and Lan Zhan bows to his fate.

Mingjue has been working too much, so Huaisang brings him lunch and a special surprise. Huaisang's motives aren't entirely altruistic...

What's a little breaking and entering, between a person and their absolute object of affection? And who would take a gift horse in the mouth by walking away when the opportunity presents itself so beautifully, so perfectly, so temptingly, so- you get the idea. Or do you?

When Song Lan comes back to the dorm room for the evening, he finds a present on his bed wrapped up just for him.

Meng Yao had spent years not thinking of Jin Zixuan as anything other than an obstacle in the way of his ultimate goal – his father’s recognition, himself as the heir and eventual master of Lanling Jin – and he bitterly resented Wen Ruohan for trashing all that effort. It was impossible to think that way with Jin Zixuan shivering in front of him, chained down to the floor of the palace within the Nightless City. And yet, it was equally impossible to act to save him - Or was it?

Having a crush on your roommate is really embarrassing, except that's apparently the opposite of a problem. Jiang Cheng can't deny that's pretty convenient. Wei Ying holds it up, a series of straps and buckles and velcro and wow, really a lot of leather. It has absolutely no conceivable form beyond tangled. Nie Huaisang opens the door at exactly the moment that Wei Ying holds the thing up to Jiang Cheng’s chest, as if he’s trying to imagine how exactly it would fit onto a person, and it falls into a tangled pile between them while they stare at Huaisang in mild mortification.

Jason, on a mission, gets captured. Tim, working undercover, goes to get him out. There's...a side benefit.