Patrick answers his phone by reflex, but he can't pry open his eyes, so he has no idea who he's talking to. Or not talking, exactly, because all he can manage is a sort of groan. OR: the one where Tazer and Kaner have a baby via Stanley Cup

Geno can't. Sidney won't.

Sidney Crosby gets hit on the head and wakes up with extra memories.

Geno can't. Sidney won't.

Ringing the changes on phone sex.

Sidney Crosby gets hit on the head and wakes up with extra memories.

"I'm a good boyfriend," Cougar said.

"I'm a good boyfriend," Cougar said.

Andrew’s learned to like cake, he’s learned to like oysters, and he’s learned to like Steven.

He saw the horn poking out from the pony's head, golden and straight and somehow delicate-looking despite the empty tuna can hanging off of it. The unicorn horn. "The fuck," Sidney said out loud, his eye skipping from the horn over the greyish-white body to the graceful gold-toned hooves.