"This is totally worse than the time they didn't tell me Cadbury chocolate is so much better here because they wanted to keep it all for themselves, the assholes. Flying broomsticks."

Saving And Being Saved: "Five boys and Battle School. Nobody is satisfied, but one can imagine Graff doesn't care." Fangs Up: "Someone finally takes notice of the fact that Gabe Saporta says he spoke to a snake." One Man Band: "It takes Spencer a while to figure it out, but he doesn't let it change how he behaves when he does." Patrick Stump's Strip Joint, or The One Where They're All Strippers Apart From Patrick Who Has Taken Up Handicrafts (Not Like That): "The one where they're all (pretty terrible) strippers, Patrick owns the strip joint, and his therapist has suggested he take up a hobby."

As good as you get: "The problem was, really, Kris Allen was a tease." If You Can't See Where It Keeps Its Brain: "The Sorting Hat has its own agenda." I Woke Up In Love This Morning: He was hazy, half-asleep and incredibly comfortable and still half-lost in the most amazing dream. Five Reasons Xander Harris Hates Pete Wentz: If the Bandom'verse and the Buffy'verse all occupied the same 'verse, this is exactly what would have happened. red, red, gold: "Her name is Tasha Stark, and you won’t break her."

The problem with teaching someone with a deeply vindictive personality Occlumency was the inevitable problem of his using it to evil ends. Or, Remus Lupin, Sultan's Pleasure Slave.

"Magic is a touchstone in John Sheppard's life."

“Derek,” Cora growls from halfway across the Quidditch pitch, her bat paused mid-air like she’d been about to go for a swing. “What the holy hell is your weirdo Gryffindor boyfriend doing?”

"'4 and 14 adopt a newborn baby together. What do they name it, how do they raise it, etc, etc. Do they eventually get it siblings? Do they ditch it in a dumpster on prom night because its not as fun as they thought?' THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. And yet, I am oddly charmed by it."