Roy - thanks to a series of events going exponentially FUBAR - is in Dazhen. He wasn’t due back for another three months, but given that he wasn’t supposed to become a fucking vampire for another eighteen or so either, it’s safe to say that scheduling concerns are not his first priority.

I like to daydream about Mustang and Ed's stupid adventures in diplomacy after they've taken control of the country. Emphasis on stupid. Ed is trans because 1) because and 2) silentwalrus' headcanons have seeped into the groundwater at this point.

This person was panting, his shoulders heaving violently as his eyes scanned the room for more threats. His hands were tensed like weapons, hooked black talons extended through his gloves, ready to rip and tear. That was the first indicator that something was truly wrong. Hawks would never willingly use his “unsightly” talons as weapons. The second was that his mouth... his mouth was covered in blood. It streamed down his chin, flecked at the corners of his lips, and coated two large fangs that he had most definitely not possessed at the start of the fight. He bared them at Dabi in a savage hiss. They were long, at least a full inch, and the sight of them awakened some ancient nervous instinct within him, telling him to run or fight, because the creature in front of him was a predator, and it was hungry. Most unnerving of all, though, were his eyes. The eyes that locked with Dabi’s were a startling crimson red, a far cry from their usual gold. Dabi’s breath caught in his throat. ~~~ The mission Dabi and Hawks are on goes south. Dabi learns something he was never meant to know.

Dabi narrows his eyes. "Alright. Let's say you don't die. You still have a limited amount of blood, and a lack of blood flow or oxygen to your brain could probably cause permanent damage that even your immortality can't repair." "I'll stop you before that happens," Hawks says, with way more confidence than he has any right to have. "You have zero self-preservation instincts," Dabi has to point out. Hawks grins at him, shooting him finger guns. "So we doing this, or what?" ~ Dabi is a vampire who's never had human blood straight from the tap before. Hawks is a dumbass college student cursed with immortality. What could go wrong?

Jaskier’s just debating how much trouble he’s actually in when Geralt, marvelously, talks them out of it. After that, well . . . Jaskier still wants to eat him very badly, but he supposes it’d be a bit ungrateful of him. Geralt isn’t very impressed with the song he writes for him, unfortunately—which, rude—but doesn’t try to run off and leave him either, so . . . Well, Jaskier’s a bit smitten. A delicious-smelling witcher who can talk his way out of being murdered is very impressive. And he always has wanted a pet.