In a timeline where the Vulcans never allowed Earth freedom from their oversight, Jim Kirk doesn't fit in. All he needs to get away is a fast ship and a crew as crazy as he is; luckily, some things are universal constants. Notes: An AU expanded and continued from a shorter fic, which has now become the prologue. Fic and part titles variously come from songs by the Tragically Hip, Iggy Pop and Bob Dylan and a quote you may recognize from TOS.

You know of those stories where the transporter sends Kirk or Spock careening into another universe where everything is weird? Well, this isn't one of those. No, this is the story where the transporter makes everything weird in its own universe. Though it skipped the gender-change trope. No, this is a new one. Add on sex, political negotiations, angry admirals, and an unexpected marriage and things get quite complicated.

As a half-Vulcan, Spock never expects to imprint. It's rare enough for a full-blooded Vulcan to imprint, so why should he have it easy? But he does imprint – on the delinquent who sabotaged his Kobayashi Maru. And everything he once knew is about to change.