Eight (short) Hanukkah fics featuring the Bats

Meonji

“Bring me the Joker’s head on a platter,” Jason says, and he doesn’t mean anything by it, not really. It’s the kind of thing he jokes about when he’s overwhelmed, and he’s overwhelmed by Tim a lot. Tim’s intensity makes Jason turn flippant, makes him counterweigh the seriousness with comments about his own torture and death, like that will somehow lighten the mood. Jason says all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons. He doesn’t expect anyone to listen.

“Bring me the Joker’s head on a platter,” Jason says, and he doesn’t mean anything by it, not really. It’s the kind of thing he jokes about when he’s overwhelmed, and he’s overwhelmed by Tim a lot. Tim’s intensity makes Jason turn flippant, makes him counterweigh the seriousness with comments about his own torture and death, like that will somehow lighten the mood. Jason says all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons. He doesn’t expect anyone to listen.

There's a heatwave in Gotham and Tim is suffering. Danny's there to lend a helping hand, but uh. Tim grabs hold. And won't let go. This could be a problem, but Danny's just gonna roll with it and see what happens. Maybe he'll even get a very hot guy's number at the end of the day.

"It's just basic coping skills," Jason scoffs. "Have none of you ever met someone with ADHD before?"

It's a generally accepted fact amongst the members of the bat family that Alfred's cookies are the absolute best and that the last cookie is the best of all. The last cookie is coveted and fought over. The last cookie is important. When the Justice League needs to summon the Ghost King and every offering has been rejected, what else is there to try?

Five times Tim Drake gained an unrequited soul bond and the one time he didn't.

Jason knows his thighs are thick as hell ever since the Lazarus Pit cured his childhood malnutrition and he put on fat and muscle as he was able to grow up to his full potential. It makes finding pants that fit a bitch and a half. So, when he feels like making himself feel nice he wears thigh highs. Of course that's right when Dick and Tim have to drop by.

Kon is in desperate need of a bit of relaxation. Maybe his method of choice is a little unconventional, but hey, getting fucked until even his Kryptonian biology is exhausted is a harmless way to get there.

Jason has an offer for Tim.

Tim Drake stops stalking Gotham’s nocturnal wildlife when she goes to college. Unfortunately, they don’t return the favor.

Jason Todd is a hunter, one of the best in the business. Dick Grayson is an incubus, one of the most powerful there is. Somehow, they still manage to be something resembling...friends.

Jason, on a mission, gets captured. Tim, working undercover, goes to get him out. There's...a side benefit.

Jason's had worse heats. Don't ask him when— but he's sure he's had them.

“Oh, come on. You know I’m half-Kryptonian. I can hear your heartbeat. I could smell you getting wet like a slut and making a mess of your boxers when you saw Tim’s cock.” “Watch your mouth, Lex-brat,” Jason growls dangerously. “I'm pretty sure I'm not the slut here.” Kon gives him the finger. “Come sit on my face and watch it yourself, coward.”

A series to follow Apollo, Midnighter, Slade and Jason pucking and fucking. Follow Apollo, Midnighter, Jason Todd, Slade Wilson, Mark Grayson, and Dick Grayson through the world of this lovely hockey AU. A world where all the hockey fandom tropes meet DC! Goalie nesting, winner's room, kneeling, poaching... if we can dream it up, it'll be here!

“Baby, you have no idea how this is going to play out,” Tim murmurs, voice a low rumble that makes Jason shiver with arousal. He casts Tim a dark, challenging look, and growls back, “Try me.”

Dick pulled a face at the new paperwork. “Why do we gotta lie on this stuff, anyway? People aren’t gonna know what I can do exactly when I’m Robin...” “But they’ll suspect,” Bruce answered, typing something on his computer. “This way, if they think Richard Grayson isn’t all that impressive of a metahuman, it’s more cover for Robin flying through Gotham.” “Hmph.” --- In an AU where small, token superpowers are common enough to have their own optional line on forms alongside name and age, it's totally coincidence for Batman to have picked up a circus kid capable of flight. And a tire thief with super strength. And a- well, alright, the pint-sized photographer with not-actual-invisibility makes for a pattern, but even so. (He still tells the Justice League he doesn't allow metahumans in Gotham, though. Somehow with a straight face.) Series

To be clear, Cassie is Wonder Girl. Very much so is she Wonder Girl. She likes being called that; she likes being called “she”. She likes being Amazon-adjacent enough to almost count as a sister to Themyscira. She doesn’t always like . . . other things associated with being Wonder Girl, though. Or even being a girl at all. Anyway, that’s why she just broke two pairs of scissors trying to get her stupid fucking hair to just fucking cut already in one of Titans Tower’s communal bathrooms. One of the girls’ communal bathrooms, which isn’t really helping how she feels right now.

The problem is, there are too many Alpha's. Too many Alpha's on the League, and too many Alpha's at home. But Bruce, as always, has a plan to fix that.

"You're so fucking stubborn," Hood says. "It's infuriating." Red bristles, but fighting's like foreplay when he's got this much adrenaline. "Yeah?" He taunts. Can't help himself. Hood's grip around his wrist tightens, and it only serves to remind Red how fucking strong he is. Red's pulse somehow gets even faster, beating in his ears so loudly that he isn't sure how Hood doesn't hear it. "Yeah," Hood agrees. Tim's watching his mouth as it forms the words. "It drives me fuckin' crazy, babybird."

“I want you to bitch me.” Tim reacted to the word so strongly he nearly fell off his chair. “Kon you- you can't say that!” It wasn't a word one should bring up in polite company, Tim had learned early on. Kon rolled his eyes emphatically. “Fine. I want you to help me transition my dynamic into one that more closely resembles how I feel inside. Happy?”

Jason's plan to meet and school his replacement is going great, until it isn't. Tim Drake isn't exactly what Talia told him… he's better.

“Welcome to Red Hood’s Apothecary,” Jason says, coolly. “What can I do for you?” The stranger comes up to the counter, and Jason shudders. The man is short and slim, but there’s an aura of power around him that calls to Jason’s demonic nature. That can only mean one thing. Witch. And one trained by someone skilled. In fact, Jason is pretty sure that he recognizes Bruce's style all over the guy's warded clothes. Acid bubbles in his belly. His replacement has no business looking so good.

"Timmers sucked me pregnant," Jason blurts, and Tim watches in morbid fascination as Bruce goes through the five stages of grief in a millisecond. "I thought you said you weren't… sleeping together," Bruce says reproachfully. "He means that I, uh, impregnated him with my teeth. When I drank his blood. No sex involved," Tim explains. "It was an accident. I didn't even know I could do that."

Tim knew his evening would be interesting—going undercover as a woman always is. Still, he didn’t expect ‘interesting’ to include getting fucking propositioned by Jason Todd.

When Jason leaves the League, Dick Grayson is the furthest thing from his mind. He has Talia’s blessing and a step-by-step plan to make Bruce pay as well as to rid his city of the Joker. There’s no place in his thoughts for quippy acrobats, not when his every waking hour is tinted green with dreams of revenge. He doesn’t think that anything can possibly break through his single-minded focus… Then he catches footage of Nightwing fighting thugs on the streets of Blüdhaven with none of his usual grace. Fuck, but he can’t leave Dick behind to fend for himself. Not when he can’t be sure that Dick will survive long enough to still be around by the time Jason is done dealing with Bruce.

Tim gives him an incredulous look. "Is this really the way you guys do things? I'm sorry, but do you really think it's okay to marry someone you barely know and create an entire person—a baby, one that's going to need someone to look after it for 18 years or longer—just for money?!" "That's not…" Jason makes a frustrated sound. "Look, you're 19, right? We can talk about the intentional baby acquisition when you're legally old enough to drink. By then we'll know if our marriage can sustain a child. But I think it's worth a try." - After civilian Tim Drake gets trapped in the Bat Cave following multiverse shenanigans, he enters an arrangement with the crime lord Red Hood in an effort to gain access to a trust fund with some very particular requirements.

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not much of a hunter when I'm not fighting crime," Dick replies with a rueful grin. "Hunter?" Tim tilts his head to the side with a frown. "Right. I guess I should have specified since we’re both Os." His lips curl back to show his fangs. "I don't want you to chase me, Wing. I want to chase you."

All in all, their arrangement lasts for a few months. Months of filthy fucks, cutting words, and hasty walks of shame. Months without Tim letting Jason kiss him once. Months of Jason staring at the ceiling in soiled, cooling sheets after Tim's departure, gut-wrenching loneliness and self-loathing burning in his chest. Until one day, the dam breaks.

"They're watching me," Jason says, when Daisy Mae has left. "Who, the drag queens?" Tim says. His face is an inch from Jason's chest, and when the strobe lights flash their way he can see a drop of sweat moving down Jason's pecs. His mind feels staticky, bouncing from general outrage to a general desire to put his mouth on Jason's skin. He's too horny to be rational about any of this. ++ Tim goes to a gay club and finds himself embroiled in one of Jason's cases. Glitter is involved. Also crises of morality. Also booty shorts.

Jason comes across Tim on a covert mission, and in order to keep up the disguise, the two end up in a rather compromising but enjoyable position. What's more shocking to Jason though, is when Roy asks Jason to bring Tim home for the night, when the mission is done.

Tiny Tim: all i want is for someone with a monster cock to fuck my brains out until im drooling, is that too much to ask? He sets his phone down and makes it about 5 seconds into reorganizing the granola bar shelf before realizing his fatal error. With a feeling like ice water being poured down his back, Tim snatches his phone back up and has to input his password 3 separate times before he calms down enough to type it correctly. Oh. Fuck. Tim is mentally adding this whole situation to the Top 10 List of Worst Things That Have Happened to Him Ever when he sees a new notification come in, not from one of the group chats this time. Jason Todd: wanna fuck? Or, Tim accidentally sends a text message to the wrong group chat, but it all works out in the end.

After everything Jason did, can Tim actually want Jason as his mate? Is that even in the realm of possibility?

“Why are there reporters-” Dick stopped. His eyes locked on the TV. “Oh, look at that Drake- you’re trending on social media.” Damian offered far too coolly to be any form of casual. XxX In which Tim's nudes get leaked online and he is surprisingly casual about it

“So what were you thinking? Fake financial distress? Fake injury?” “Fake boyfriend,” Jason said.

(573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point...

"Tim?" Jason asks cautiously. It's possibly the first time he has ever used his replacement's first name. Out loud at least. Or where he could hear him. Another whine and the big black dog opens an eye, gazing warily up at Jason. "Okay, you're awake. Not exactly sure what the protocol is here but if you know you're Tim Drake, whine twice for me."

“I’m fine,” Tim says - audibly, with his mouth and everything. Jason stares at it. “You sure?” Jason asks, tamping down the strain of panic rising in his chest. He’s pretty sure they’ve got a telepathy situation on their hands, and he fucking hates those. He’s not even beginning to think about the… content of the telepathy.

Tim and Jason go undercover as a just-married couple celebrating their honeymoon in order to catch a high-profile drug lord. Hand-holding, kissing, secret rendezvous and bed sharing ahead. OR: The JayTimWeek prompt I never posted, filled with all of my favorite tropes, inspired by Lana Del Rey’s song - Honeymoon

Tim gets off on getting off in public, and Jay happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. …Or, actually, maybe it's exactly the right place at the right time.

The news that Timothy Drake, Gotham’s cryptid millionaire, has shot the Joker dead during a public live-stream hits the world like a freight train—and that is just the opening salvo of his bugfuck plan. Maybe there exists, in the multiverse, a configuration of Jason Todd who will weather this with decorum, dignity and self-respect. This version of Jason Todd decides that the life of an academic is not, really, all that rewarding. In contrast, the life of Timothy Drake’s live-in house-husband is looking more appealing by the second.

Tim and Cass (and to a lesser extent, Steph) share everything. That’s just a fact. Clothes, safe houses, gear, food, showers, toothbrushes— —and sexual partners.

Tim Drake leads a...mostly normal life, helping people get the best insurance they can afford. Soon though, he finds himself embroiled in a plot that involves Robin trying to take him down, and Batgirl possibly helping. Add to the mix Red Hood using him for information, and a strange young man walking into his office under false pretenses, Tim finds that his mostly normal life is about to completely change. Tim knew there were worse jobs in Gotham than insurance agent, but he’s hard pressed to think of another at the moment. As he shoots off an email to a client about looking into their claim asap, he hears the glass door to the small insurance office open and watches Stephanie Brown,the goddamn Batgirl, walk into the agency and catch his eye. He puts 'masked vigilante' at the top of the list.

When signs of a blackmarket organ trafficker floats up in Gotham Harbor, Jason and Tim find out that the victims had one thing in common: they both worked at a gay strip club. Determined to root out the traffickers, both decide to go undercover to solve the case. The only problem? Neither knows the other is working the case.

Tim gets tired of constantly having to remove all the bugs Batman and Oracle plant in his apartment, so he cooks up a scheme to make them regret ever listening in. But he'll need some help, of course.

Maybe it was because he didn’t have time to read the gossip columns; maybe it was because he seriously underestimated the audience’s power to “Ship It”, but Bruce didn’t *immediately* cotton onto the fact that his scheme made half the country think that his son was in love with, well, his *other* son.

“Sometimes when Bruce is being an asshole, the best response is to be an asshole right back,” Jason says, dropping down next to Tim and propping his boots on the milk crates he uses for a coffee table. “I used to go hang out with all the bad kids so I guess you’re already on the right track.”

“Can’t believe a pretty thing like you has to come begging to the Red Hood,” he says against Tim’s neck. “Thought they’d be lining up down the block for you. Thought Daddy would need to get the shotgun.” “You’re the one with the shotgun,” Tim points out. ++ Tim’s benched with a broken arm and starts playing Jason’s personal Oracle. Things escalate.