“You know,” Zabuza gets out on a laugh, “I didn’t think you had it in you.” Kakashi shoves his knee up higher, slams into him so hard it makes Zabuza gasp. “I'm not the one with it in me,” he says mildly.

Zach is sick so Eugene makes sure he has everything he needs at home, including food. And that's when he realizes.

Ryan and Shane have been together for months now, but somehow a little detail about Shane escaped Ryan. And so they decide to make up for it.

Zabuza steels himself, breathes out. Remembers he can move, that he can speak, and slowly, carefully slides to his knees. Not a position he would take for anyone else, even Mei if she ever wore the Mizukage's hat, not after a lifetime spent clawing his way up from the streets and into a place of his own power. But—gods are something different. They have to be, or they can't offer miracles, and Zabuza needs that miracle right now. “I was told that you help those seeking justice,” he says.

All of this, Kakashi would like it noted, is because he has terrible friends.

So, rather than telling Ryan about his rollercoaster of feelings, he decided to do the next best thing any normal, sane person in love would do: Shane Madej decided to handcuff himself to Ryan Bergara.

“What you’re suggesting is that we have sex in the exact spot where a dude was once brutally murdered with a power drill. That is what you’re suggesting to me right now.” Shane throws up his hands. “Well, sure, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”

So you wanna be podficced? Here's a handy-dandy guide that may help you get your wish. I make no promises, though.

Neji is nineteen. He’s Hokage. The House system has officially been demolished, and the key to his seal, to every Caged Bird Seal, is sitting on the desk in front of him. It feels like freedom, and maybe a little like terror.

Shukaku fixes the timeline. Grumpily. And with a lot of bloodshed.

“Mom! Dad! Father! Someone’s at the door!” “Oh gods,” Sakura mutters, head halfway buried under the pillow. “How did she get your lungs, Naruto?” There's a sound of tired agreement from her left, though Sasuke doesn’t even attempt to pick his face up out of the mattress. “You're the medic-nin,” Naruto says, amused, and pushes up on one elbow to squint blearily at the bedroom door. “Want to draw straws?” “You're already up,” Sasuke probably says, though even Naruto's ears have a hard time catching it. “And before eight they're your kids.”

“Look at you,” Shisui says admiringly, rocking back on his heels and surveying his prize. Sequel to 'if you can find that leap of faith', but entirely plotless.

There's a monster whispering in Minato's head, curled around his soul. It’s vast and hungry and full of fury, radiates it and basks in it and lets it spill over through the bars that cage it. If Minato had one ounce more energy, he would rage too, but— Anger is a luxury right now, an indulgence. He can't afford it.

Heat fic. 'Nuff said.

I have a policy. When I am sent hate, I write them porn. Here's to you, Nonny. Lance and Keith like to make bets. Shiro near always benefits, but this time he becomes a player.

Based on a prompt from tumblr: Prom prompt: Shiro/Ulaz Wait, I think my phone autocorrected that to prom. Well, do what you want... So I did : )

Shiro's heat hits, and Keith helps him with what he needs

The first person Kakashi meets when he staggers out of the house, covered in blood, is Uchiha Obito.

If she isn’t utterly mistaken, there's a flush rising in Orochimaru’s pale cheeks, one she only ever used to see when Jiraiya was being especially handsy during their genin days. It’s been a long time since Orochimaru got over that particular crush, and Tsunade stares at him now, at the averted eyes and rising color and aggrieved slant to his mouth, and feels glee bubbling up inside of her. “Really?” she says, delighted. “Who?”

Sam thumps his forehead with his fist. "Should've bought the Fiesta. It had racing stripes."

Lance discovers he has the hots for Keith. Then he discovers that Keith is, quite literally, hot for Lance.

Matt just wanted to distract Shiro. It worked, but not the way he was thinking.

' "What," Hinata says, "like you're suddenly going to become a kabedon master?" The idea itself is hilarious. Kageyama has all the timing and subtlety of a tyrannosaurus in a china shop. Hinata sees no reason to be wary. "We'll see," Kageyama says darkly. "We'll see." ' -- When Hinata introduces Kageyama to the concept of kabedon, he isn't expecting to create a monster. But all origin stories have humble (sometimes very humble) beginnings...

The lights of Konoha are coming on in the dusk, like stars against the shadows, and Tobirama pauses, standing atop his brother’s carved stone face as he looks over the village. Change has touched every part of it, but at a single glance Tobirama can tell that the foundations are still there. The Will of Fire, loyalty, teamwork, sacrifice in the name of the future. Love is something large, with a thousand facets, and Tobirama only knows very few of them, but of all the world’s wonders Konoha is the easiest for him to love.

“I think,” Shisui declares, and kind of distantly hopes he isn’t about to die a messy death, “that this calls for a kidnapping.” There's a moment of absolute silence. “What,” Utakata demands.

It had been a drunken whim, coming on the heels of his breakup with Yugao, to add his name to the list of candidates for political marriages, and even when he’d remembered the next morning Hayate had waved off the notion that anyone would pick him. Most people are at least mildly alarmed by a shinobi with a chronic illness, after all.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.

Takeshi has absolutely no idea what’s going on, but that’s never stopped him before.

When Ryan comes home, covered in blood, Shane is ready for it.

Orochimaru, Mito has come to realize, has a good many of the qualities that made her brother-in-law so fearsome, and she’s glad for it.

After the incident and leaving the warehouse, Owen sees something. He sees it. But he can't believe it.

When looking into the code Pidge hacked in Shiro's arm, Matt finds something. Shiro sees an opportunity.

Sakumo loses a bet and has to cover the fashion beat for a week. It's not nearly the trial he expected it to be.

Ryan goes on a series of dates with Shane. Friend-dates. For a video, of course. Nothing else. "Oh god, they're definitely in love."

This is about to get very meta but it does not necessarily depict real life events and/or my actual opinions about the lovely fanfic on this site.

Ryan wants to experiment. Shane is more than happy to comply.

Ryan knew there was something wrong from the start. And he loved it.

InkStainsOnMyHands

"Kid," says Tony Stark wearily, "Please gimme a reason Loki's been spotted talking to Spiderman that isn't 'I wanted to be his friend'. Please. Tell me you can do that." Peter hums. "I could?" "And that reason would be the truth?" Peter shrugs into his sweater. "If you wanted it to be the truth it could be." "That right there, that right there, is why I know it's gonna be a lie." *** Peter befriends Loki, and then some.

“You’re good at this,” Gon compliments, after a while. He moves to take a seat by Killua, at the lip of the river. “Catching fish, I mean.” There’s a pause. “Killing fish,” Killua corrects, quietly. For the first time all morning, Killua puts down his fishing rod, faces Gon completely. “You meant to say ‘killing’.”

“Honey,” Wade calls over his shoulder without taking his eyes off their visitor. “Why is there a teenage mutant in our breakfast nook? Not that I’m not happy to see you,” he says to Negasonic, who raises her eyebrows owlishly. Vanessa comes out of the bedroom and hooks her chin over Wade’s shoulder. “Do you think she heard me getting my spanking?” he whispers. “Because that was *private* noise.” “I don’t know,” Vanessa says. “But she looks like she needs some coffee and pancakes, don’t you think?” Negasonic grins. It’s scary as fuck.

Mei’s had dreams that weren’t as good as this.

“I'm so glad you're okay,” Kagami whispers, pressing a kiss to Tobirama’s shoulder blade.

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.” “Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?” “Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks. Oh shit.

To get to the pollen the team needs, someone has to appease the plant guardian. Shiro steps up.

With a shaky breath, Obito pulls his mouth away, wraps his arms around Kisame's chest and presses up against him. “I wasn’t late,” he says, more to himself than Kisame. “I got there in time. I wasn’t late. I saved you.”

“What,” Kakuzu says flatly. The redheaded witch who foiled his assassination sips her tea, for all the world like Kakuzu isn't trussed up like a sacrificial offering at her feet. “I said my husband thinks you're handsome,” she repeats, as if that will remove the sheer insanity from those five words. “I tried to kill him,” Kakuzu says incredulously. “I stabbed him in the chest.”

Andrew’s learned to like cake, he’s learned to like oysters, and he’s learned to like Steven.

Tentacle Gods: do not mix with Hydra.

The youngest prince of Atlantis goes looking for the Sea Witch in hopes of turning human. He never makes it that far.