"Oh, fuck me," is the first thing Izuna says upon opening his eyes.

“Twenty years,” Orochimaru says, cupping Sakumo's cheek, even though there's nothing soft in his expression. “Twenty years of looking for a way to bring you back, not just find you again. And all it took was a little boy with a handful of inspiring words.”

If this airship lasts through one more round of Fire Country, it will be a miracle, Orochimaru thinks.

It should be easy to judge a man by the shape of his soul, but Strawhat Luffy spits in the face of logic and predictability.

All-Might has a few things he would like to get off his chest.

Midoriya cracks under the weight of things that may be outside of his control. Bakugou addresses the problem by throwing Todoroki at it.

He'd let Levi have as much of his time as he wanted.

in which Tsukiyama is conned into having dinner with Hannibal and is delightfully surprised to find out that it is not in fact beef

Wade Wilson doesn't go to coffee shops.

“Person with designated prior consent in the case of medically severe aphrodisiac exposure?” Hizashi reads off the medical form, his eyebrows rising up towards his hairline. “Hey, Shōta, is this a misprint?" “Just put me down,” Shōta replies, making Hizashi’s brain short-circuit for a moment.

Sanji didn't wonder why he gave himself the challenge. It didn't matter why. ‘Why’ was probably covered by one-upping the bloody swordsman, and maybe there were other reasons - stranger reasons - but that was the only one that really counted, right? It was decided. He was going to get Zoro to appreciate - no, love Sanji's food. If Sanji couldn't do it, then he wasn't a true sea-cook after all.

things you said with no space between us

Adele has some questions about Xander and Xiang's relationship.

Stiles wakes up in a world in which Kate Argent was never born.

Stiles goes to a Halloween party on campus to blow off some steam after a stressful week of midterms. He doesn't expect the party to be crashed by both a supernatural predator and Derek Hale.

Nami's nakama were certifiable. Loony-bin material, every last one of them.

The plan was simple, as good a plan as a clan of shipwreckers and bounty-hunters could ever come up with. Capture one of the weaker Straw Hats, the ones without bounties, and make them beg for mercy until the stronger ones surrendered. Nothing can possibly go wrong with such an easy, straightforward scheme. Time to make some money!

The irresistible troll vs. the immovable hothead - fight!

Maes wakes up in the Elemental Countries after his death, and promptly gets into trouble. Genma gets him out of it.

Shisui is done. Gone. That’s it for him, he’s toast. (Or, Shisui is in love. Naruto is mostly oblivious. Everyone else is entirely convinced that Shisui is a creeper.)

In which Ren can be just as exasperating to Nora as Nora can be to him.

Slight AU. Dorian and The Iron Bull have formed something of a comfortable friendship until an unexpected demon encounter threatens to ruin it all.

"Seriously. How does this not bother you," Alec said, staring at the mirror as he tugged the hem of his primary-colored overtunic into place.

Lyanna Mormont keeps the ravens.

Jeyne Snow and her siblings as the world falls apart around them.

For Kayama Nemuri, fighting and sex have always gone hand in hand.

“You get either one more complaint or one more kiss before I gag you,” Shōta interrupts. “Choose wisely.”

One might think that after spending six years serving as a Galaxy Garrison senior officer, leading dozens of dangerous missions into enemy territory, personally overseeing the deaths of Zarkon’s highest generals, and getting his arm blown off only to be replaced by a weaponized prosthetic against his will, Shiro would be prepared for anything the Universe threw at him. He was not prepared for Keith and Lance.

Ari seeks out the Great One to save his people. He finds more than he ever imagined possible.

Matt has a plan to get Shiro laid; Shiro has a lot of misgivings about this. "Shiro. Buddy. I swear on everything I hold holy—" "You're an atheist," Shiro points out. "—I swear on the grave of Carl Sagan and in the name of Neil deGrasse Tyson," Matt says, not missing a beat, "that if you go home alone tonight, it'll be your own personal decision and not because you won't have other options."

Keith and Shiro play chicken. Sex chicken. Everybody wins. "What do you think you're doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" Shiro has an excellent poker face; it doesn't even flicker when he says, "Demonstrating the male version of the human reproductive system. Why are you doing it on my lap?"

Harmon knows how this goes. He's from Nevarra, and he's read books. Plural. If you want to fight a dragon you need to find a Kindly Mentor who can teach you all their Secret Strategies. So all he needs to do is find this old Tal-Vashoth dragonslayer his cousin keeps going on about, get him to teach Harmon about dragons, convince everyone else to go along with his dragon-hunting plans, fight a dragon, and win. Easy, right? Starring one cheerful qunari grandpa, one grumpy necromancer grandpa, and a bunch of Nevarran mercenaries who are about to have a very educational experience.

Wufei is made to watch and wait.

A follow-up to Would Have, And Did. In which Rilienus' lover enjoys watching him have sex with other men, Rilienus enjoys being the centre of attention, Dorian is in charge of it all and The Iron Bull thinks that's hot. (Also some feelings).

In which an old friend unexpectedly turns up at Skyhold, and Dorian has too many emotions about-- well, everything.

As a last resort, they finally send Mikoto to talk to her. Kushina's not impressed, even though she has to admire their tenacity. They’ve tried three different elders, the woman who works at the ramen stand she likes almost as much as Teuchi’s, and Fugaku. Apparently, after the utter failure of that last one, they're attempting to pull out all the stops.

“I think Keith gets so overenthusiastic about free muffins in the breakroom that he makes half the floor join him in song. I’m frankly terrified of how he’s going to tackle something where his dick may be involved. In a sexy way, I mean,” Zach clarifies. “The point of gay chicken is that it’s not sexy,” Eugene reminds them. “It’s awkward as shit for everyone until one person decides it’s just too awkward to continue.” “And you think Keith will hit that level of awkward before you do?” Ned asks skeptically. “Okay, dude, you keep telling yourself that.”

Join the Try Guys as they plunge headlong into the Archive of Our Own! Will Keith's MCU gangbang wow the masses? Can Zach reconcile his love of Harry Potter canon with its fandom? Will Eugene's cannibal cops serial still work if he files off the serial numbers? Find out as the Try Guys tackle the world...of Fanfiction!

"Tonight, Zach carried me home."

Half the building was dedicated to Becky's workshop setup. It was an industrial space with exposed beams that made it easy for Adele to strip down, throw the silk over a beam, and get herself suspended before Becky came into the room.

In which Ryuji valiantly pretends he's not bi and none of his friends are hot.

Roy gets significantly more than he bargained for with a pair of gold-eyed prostitutes.

Riza takes such immense joy in ruining Roy's life that he can't even bring himself to begrudge her.

Roy growing up with Madame Christmas means he grew up in a brothel. Explains a lot.

The steam was fogging up the bathroom too badly to see through the glass doors of the shower, but Lance didn’t need to see any farther than a few inches from his face right now anyway.

The rhythmic squeaking of the table legs somehow managed to be the loudest sound in the room, which seemed odd to Keith considering Lance was carrying on as unabashedly loud as he ever did

Ryan drops the holy water gun with a shout and stumbles back, fueled by blind panic as he turns and sprints past their sleeping bags for the attic door. Behind him, he hears Shane sigh almost calmly despite his flesh still burning. “Don't— C’mon, seriously, do we really have to make this a whole thing— You've seen horror movies, you know how this is gonna—” Apparently still annoyed, he breaks off, and the door in front of Ryan slams shut on its own. Ryan skids to a stop and reaches for the knob, rattling it ineffectively. “Shit, shit, shit—” “So many horror movies,” Shane says, voice much closer now, and Ryan spins around. “I’m just saying, can we not make this a thing right out of TV Tropes, you know, that’s just boring for both of us.”

AU where Buzzfeed still won’t give us the Unsolved merch we deserve, but this they at least do provide.

Ryan stands sheepishly at the end of his bed and says, “okay, but, like. I might scream.” or ryan has night terrors and shane helps make the world a little less scary.

[a tribute to dornish women; sainted, besmirched, or misunderstood] Doran went still in a temper; cold, steady as the mountain passes in the moments before lightning struck. Oberyn raged, louder than any storm. Elia smiled, thin and small, and struck.