Jack thought his first year in the NHL would be 100% about hockey, but the reality is so much more complicated. (AU where the Goodbye for the Summer comics didn’t happen, because I had already written 80K words of this. But just because it’s canon doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy long, angsty, get-together stories, amirite?) Alternate summary, courtesy of Dracavia: What if Bad Bob didn't say anything at graduation?

There was an empty bed, a bassinet, and a recliner. There was a sink, a window overlooking the city, and a small table. But none of those things registered because Nicky was standing in the middle of the room shirtless, with the tiniest baby Alex had ever seen cradled to his chest as he swayed. ———— Nicky adopts a baby and Alex falls in love.

The ESPN hockey anchors take a cheap shot. Bitty takes one back.

When Dan Erikson is assigned to write an article about Jack Zimmermann's years in college, he thinks he knows what he's getting into. Then he meets Professor Simpson, Jack's photography professor. [also known as: Good Guy Reporter Dan Erikson]

Soft hockey boys just trying to make it work.

Five people (well, technically six) who already knew Sasha and Nicky were together and the one person they surprised.

Alex loves his kids, he really does, but he also might kill them. That is, if they don't put him in a goddamn early grave first. (Cop bribing, theft of public property, and how to photoshoot your dick properly in order to seduce a teammate: all part of a captain's responsibilities to his rookies.)

Connor knew that some people started dating before they got their soul marks at twenty-four. He just never expected those people to be anyone he knew.

Jack invites Bitty up for a visit while he's training in Toronto over the summer. To the utter surprise of nobody who's ever met him, Bitty spends a lot of time baking.

Connor’s experienced some weird fan interactions since he’s joined the NHL, but nothing surprises him quite as much as when a little girl raises her hand during a fan Q&A and asks him if he’s married. Not because it’s a particularly outlandish or rude question, but because his first instinct is to say “Yes.”

Nicky quickly typed 'Need to reschedule, the children need me tonight' before re-pocketing his phone and turning to an expectant André. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to go home and cook us dinner,” Nicky started, and André made an excited noise. “And you,” Nicky continued, “are going to bring Tom over to my house at 8 and we’ll all spend some time together.” A guide by the two dads of the Washington Capitals.

Connor McDavid is not the next, next one. He's the only one. For Dylan and his super chaffed dick. (A story about awkward relationship conversation, feelings and the sheer amount of blackmail material Alex DeBrincat has on McJesus and Baby Stromer.)

Dylan and Alex agree to be in a promo video for the Winter Classic. There's... a lot of footage that had to be cut out.

Dylan can argue all he wants, but Alex is pretty sure it will work.

The way to a hockey player's heart is through his wings, and the way to a goalie's heart is through his bower. Or: five times PK saw Carey's bower, and one time they saw someone else's.

Nolan knew that - eventually - he’d either have to give up his summer routine or bring Travis in on his secret.

When Nanako got home from work, her son was asleep on the living room sofa. This wasn’t particularly unusual, as Langa was known to nap occasionally, sometimes in odd places. The unusual part was the boy lying underneath him, gently combing his fingers through Langa’s hair as Langa buried his nose in the boy’s t-shirt. The boy had a fond expression on his face, a small smile resting on his lips. Or, Nanako finally meets Reki and she can't stop smiling.

Nolan flips to his messages, but as expected, it’s mostly just unoriginal openers—who’s going to respond to sup, honestly—and unflattering dick pics. He rolls his eyes and goes back to the profiles. He comes across one guy, just a scant two miles away, who actually has his face in his profile picture, which is a refreshing change. He’s cute, longish dark hair with a sneaky smile, and his name is Travis. Nolan has never started a conversation with anyone before, but again: antsy and horny. He debates for an embarrassingly long time over what to say and finally settles on something simple. And dumb, probably, but the magic of anonymity is that he doesn’t really give a shit. And at least it’s miles better than a dick pic of a soft dick, which Nolan didn’t know was actually a thing until he got more than one. The bar is low, is what he’s saying here.

Theon loses a bet that means, for the first time, Jon gets to fuck him, rather than the other way around. He assumes Jon will treat him as roughly as he's always treated Jon. This proves incorrect.

“I see hearts. I sing people their deepest desires. You, for example.” Gabriel rolls his head to the side, damp curls bouncing over his eyes as he looks up at Jack. “You’re an adventurer. You want a new challenge, a frontier to try yourself against.” He reaches up one dark-clawed hand to trace it down Jack’s face. He’s as mysterious and mesmerizing as any of his promises, and Jack doesn’t pull away.

Bly's new wife is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, and she's graceful and charming and funny and so far out of his league that he's about to die.

Various short smutty Tumblr prompts from July (oops). Pairings and prompt will be noted in the chapter titles.

Jon joins his king, and brother, in bed. And his queen.

“This is incredibly sweet,” Obi-Wan observed with a fond smile. Cody was currently telling the cadets a story and they listened excitedly to his every word. “He just exudes ori’vod energy. The younger ones can’t help themselves,” Alpha replied. “It’s been like this his entire life.”

Five times Tim had a wet dream about his best friend, and one time he didn't.

“You know, just out of curiosity,” Red Robin begins, and Jason twists to face him, “are you from Gotham?” “What gave it away?” Jason drawls as fire sirens start up in the distance. “My anger issues, or my apathy in the face of the new supervillain flavor of the week?” (Or: That time Jason moves to New York and becomes a meme.)

One shots of my favorite rare pair

Midoriya jokingly says, "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go apeshit?" Everyone's too focused on Iida telling him off for swearing to notice Shouto in his corner of the lunch table, mulling over his words. He is tired of being nice. He does want to go apeshit. Or: the one where Todoroki Shouto finds his personality, bit by bit, through the power of memes and friendship. (background momojirou; tsuchako, shinkami, kiribaku if you squint)

“No.” It’s a fair response. “And you found him because…?” An even better response. Hawks isn’t in the mood to answer it though. “I heard a cry; I was first on scene.” Naomasa nods and everyone else buys the tale. They’re all looking at one thing only. Specifically, the A-Rank villain known as Dabi who is, for all intents and purposes, currently five years old. aka, Dabi is turned into a child and suddenly turns a lot more talkative, leading to some (possibly unwanted) revelations.

“Bakugou?” Bakugou shuffled on his feet, hovering over Kirishima and looking at the ground with stormy eyes. He glanced up to glare at Kirishima, a silent dare to call him out on his odd behavior no doubt. Kirishima forced himself not to tense. Whatever Bakugou wanted, he was about to show him and Kirishima had to get this right. Bakugou was all about showing and not telling. Kirishima nearly bit his tongue to keep in a squawk of surprise when Bakugou suddenly dropped to his knees next to him, shuffling forward until he could press his forehead to his thigh and hide his face against Kirishima's leg. Kirishima opened his mouth, questions on the tip of his tongue, and he barely managed to catch them before they could be given voice. Bakugou was trembling minutely, his entire frame so tense his muscles were twitching under Kirishima's gaze. “Just. Don't say anything,” Bakugou muttered, hands clenching in his lap tightly. “Please,” he whispered, a short choked sound.

Kaminari walks up to Todoroki in the hallway after class and says, “Dude, I need your help.” Todoroki checks over his shoulder, twice, to verify that Kaminari is indeed talking to him. “Why?” “Yesterday you asked Shinsou-kun if he was Aizawa-sensei’s son,” Kaminari says, as though that explains anything at all. “...yes?” “Make a hero conspiracy YouTube channel with me.”

Shouta’s plan had been ill-defined and desperate from the start, but he figures the important shit boiled down to, “Change as little as possible, make sure Midoriya doesn’t get himself killed, and stock up on lychee jelly pouches because that flavor got discontinued three years from now.” Keeping it simple’s always better, and he’s normally good at improvising. Somewhere along the way, he must’ve fucked up since now he has: A quirkless problem child hanging off of his every word His best friend going through a sexuality crisis thanks to said problem child’s mom His other best friend clinging to him like a security blanket Some two-bit mob boss threatening him with bouquets of daffodils To wring the number one hero’s fucking neck for not telling him anything useful before sending him decades into the past All he did was walk Izuku Midoriya home. It wasn’t meant to turn into whatever mess this is.

In which Aizawa brings an extra kid to mountain training camp, leaves his sleeping bag at school, and ends up sharing a futon with Yagi Toshinori for three agonizing nights before everything folds.

For most people, dying and waking up in your eight-year-old body is a second chance at life. For Dabi, it is a chance to make his shitty father’s life a living hell. Or: Dabi sucks at this whole time travelling thing. In his defence though, there’s really not much a kid can do in the grand scheme of things… or so he thought.

“Give me an update, Nedzu,” Aizawa spits into his phone as he yanks the car door open, “What do we know?” “At around four o’clock today, the pro hero Hawks was doing an impromptu signing for fans when a member of the hate-group known as the Creature Rejection Clan pulled out a gun and shot into the crowd. Like any hero, Hawks took the bullet himself, rather than risk civilian injury.” “And how exactly did that lead him to kidnapping Tokoyami?” Or Hawks gets hit with Trigger and it brings out his bird instincts. Tokoyami is there for all of it.

“What’s got you so jumpy, hero?” Dabi sneers, and Hawks answers him. “I got hit with a truth Quirk.” Hawks swiftly contemplates every decision that has gotten him to this moment, starting with his own birth, and regrets all of them. Dabi’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas Day and Hawks is the present he’s been waiting all year to unwrap. “Really?” He purrs, “Well, isn’t that incredible.” ~~~ Hawks gets hit with a truth quirk right before a meeting with Dabi. Dabi thinks it'll be fun. It isn't.

Levi Ackerman has made a career out of anticipating the unexpected, but he's found himself in a position he never could have predicted: getting divorced. Single again for the first time in ten years, he’s listless and untethered during the initial separation. He's got a lot of issues to work through and–on a leap of faith–decides to seek the help of a very different kind of professional.

Sir Nighteye's quirk was a deeply useful one, with a rich history of helping solve cases, assist investigations and offer support to friends and acquaintances. It was, absolutely, not intended to be misused and abused for something like this. "Can you explain why you’ve seen fit to consort with villains?” “Consorting? I’m not-” “Okay, fine.” Mirai huffed, impatient. “Why are you fucking villains-” Hawks made a noise like a car trying to restart. This was going well. (In which Nighteye survives, inadvertently discovers a conspiracy, emotionally adopts a small child and an utter dipshit, and fights the Hero Commission in hand to hand combat...completely by accident)

Ryuji asks Akira for dating advice. Practice makes perfect.

“Can't kriffing believe he sent a Naboo to kriffing Tatooine,” Owen says, too loud, but—they're in the middle of the wilderness. There's no one who’s going to hear him except the Force, and if it does hear him, he hopes it turns around and beats some light-bedamned sense into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s skull. In his lap, fully entranced by the corner of the blanket Owen has him bundled in, Luke coos, beams, and flips his tail. The fancy, flowing, colorful fins slap Owen’s thigh, and he sighs, tugs the bottom of the wrap down to hide as much as he can.

There are plenty of fabricated stories about Dirtyhands and the Wraith. Kaz and Inej don't mind making up a few more. Five times Kaz and Inej lie about how they met, and one time they don't.

This is so not Hawks's day. Rumi is getting antsy with his stalling, frowning as the faint light that filters up to them puts a gleam in her eye. Hawks needs a plan fast, and one that will convince the League he's at least tried to play their side when they inevitably show up to see him and Rumi wrecking the absolute shit out of their pet monster. "Okay," Hawks says, "This is gonna sound real weird, but I need you to punch me in the face. It's for - " CRACK!

Waking up two years before their adventure even began was a surprise. The Straw Hats have to find each other again and make their way back to the New World and their dreams. Dealing with younger, weaker bodies and the weight of future knowledge they will find it's not as easy as a simple do-over. Every change has an effect on themselves and on the world. This story will quickly diverge from cannon. It will mix up, move around and ignore entire arcs. These guys are not looking for a boring adventure when they already have answers. What's the point in doing it all the same?

Everyone wants to marry Zoro. Hypothetically. Sanji can’t believe everyone would pick that useless patch of growing mold over him, and considers killing Zoro. Not hypothetically. He has a list on why Zoro would be the Worst Husband Ever, not that he spends a lot of time thinking of a (purely hypothetical!) situation where he is married to Zoro, fuck you very much. (a.k.a, the one where Usopp invented Fuck, Marry, Kill.)

It becomes the Question—the one every vod is talking about from the bridge of the Negotiator to her dark bowels where the laundry rooms churn and chug along: who takes care of the General? -- In which Obi-Wan is touch starved and his men take notice.

The first time Luffy walks into the Baratie with Usopp and Zoro during lunch rush, Sanji has to go stand in the walk-in freezer to scream into his hands. He wants to tell Zoro to get the fuck out. He cannot tell Zoro to get the fuck out, because that’s unreasonable and rude. Just because Zoro is—unfortunately—Sanji’s type in men doesn’t mean Sanji can act like a child around him. See, Sanji wasn't gay until he met Gin. Gin wasn't gay, either. What they did together was everything from "practice" to "just some fun" to "giving a friend a hand" (or mouth, or hole). But they certainly, absolutely were not boyfriends because Gin was straight and Sanji was straight. It was perfect, until Sanji had to go and ruin it by liking it too much. He flew too close to the gay-sun and his not-gay wings of wax melted, go fucking figure.

“Sergeant, are you hurt, too? No? Are you sure?” A pause. “Fine, sit down and take his hand,” the medic orders. Every medic has his own strategies to care for his brothers. These are medic Boil's.

Depa takes one step into the council chambers and stops dead, clapping a hand over her mouth.

Twenty is probably too young to die, even for a shinobi, but if anyone can kill Sakura with sheer attractiveness, it's Kori.

Eight (short) Hanukkah fics featuring the Bats