Okay, team, let's go steal the Earth.

So Brian's driving and ingenious use of that vault to take out their pursuers in the big chase scene at the end was pretty hot. Dom thought so, too. After Brian comes back and saves him and they drive off together, Dom makes him pull over and they have dirty, sweaty, rough sex on the side of some deserted road. and Brian is the one in complete control of Dom...maybe Dom just climbs right on top of Brian and takes a ride...

A frog, a sorcerer, a sword, a porch, and a conversation in the dark.

Some choices, once made, cannot be taken back.

"Once upon a time in Fire Country, O my Best Beloved, three Ninjas went on a D-rank mission to retrieve a Cat..." A tale in the style of Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories. Very silly.

Team 8 in a quiet moment during the timeskip, with lots of speculation about the origin and nature of the Aburame clan's bond with their kikkai. Fluffy enough to rot your teeth.

Kakashi held up a hand. “We’ll pretend this never happened.”

"One has to wonder if it's all the perverts you're attracted to, or just the crazy ones.”

The dust settled slowly. Dirt coated the bodies strewn about like discarded clay dolls, clung to Naruto's skin like another layer of clothing. His blood pounded in his ears like frantic drums, and the sickly sweet metallic scent of blood hung thick in the air over the muted undertones of upturned earth. His fingers hurt from where they were clenched tight around the scrap of green fabric. He took in one choked breath, then another. Only forty seconds had passed.

Shikamaru was never napping in this particular area of the forest ever again. In fact, he might never set foot outside his apartment if given a choice and the ability to sneak quietly away without being spotted by the two high-level jounin below him. They looked to be distracted, but there was no way in hell Shikamaru was risking being caught catching them at what they were doing.

Temari couldn't bake worth shit. It was commonly known among the village that Temari wasn't exactly a girlie-girl, but before their marriage Shikamaru'd had no concept of just how much the traditional wife he would be.

Gaara's breath breezed soft against Lee's thigh. "Hold still." Lee did her best to stop moving, but it was difficult.

Gaara calls the shots; Lee gets the attention; but Sakura inevitably gets what she wants.

"Temari, if you make me kiss him, you will regret it." Gaara's voice brooked no opposition.

The first time rain and Temari’s visits coincided, she stood in Shikamaru’s garden for three hours before coming in, soaked, shivering, and grinning from ear to ear. Her clothes were plastered to her body, every curve revealed, ponytails weighed down and dark with water, dripping all over the floor of the entrance with complete disregard for the mess.

Temari and her family, before and after the demon.

A musing on the social and legal construction of childhood in hidden villages. Downbeat and philosophical.

Sakura at work, because damn it, medic-nin should be scary to fight.

“So what the fuck even was that last night,” Letty said to Mia, the next morning, after the guys went off to the garage. “Do they do this—” “All the time,” Mia said.

Some villains have the kinkiest superhero traps.

It was seven forty four PM, not that Iruka was watching the clock at all. He'd be an idiot to watch the time and expect Hatake Kakashi to show up for a date at eight o'clock.

Spring fever can be a distracting ailment, even for Shinobi.

"...any of your parent’s friends have any kids of less than, say, six years of age?" "No, not that I know of." "Huh-huh.” A suspicion suddenly crystallized in Tsunade’s mind. Between her fingers, her punch glass started to crack.

She's the extractor, not that she looks it. Most people walk on by her without realizing that she can–and will make their lives agony beyond their imagining to get what she wants. She comes in looking like little more than a florist's daughter: low necked shirt, mesh, a short skirt and a bundle of flowers wrapped up. Her gloves are long and made of thick leather which the poison can't quite get through. She plucks a hybrid rose and examines it a moment. Let the prisoner think a geisha has come to him; she's had training in that manner as well. Unlike Sakura who wore her heart on her sleeve, Ino could be the honeypot, the poison thorn.

This day may have arrived sooner than she originally thought, but Yoshino couldn't have said she was all that surprised.

In the aftermath of war, Temari stands beside him, steady. And Shikamaru finally understands.

Shikamaru walks into a trap

After Hobbs caught them in Rio, they didn't get ambushed, and they didn't get away. (AU diverging from Fast Five.)

Obito snatches up the abandoned bottle, jogs three steps, and hurls it with all the force he can manage at the back of the white-haired litterer’s head, snarling, “Hey, asshole! It’s called recycling!”

“Oh my god, Obito, I don’t care that you keep turning our roommates into mindless zombies devoted to serving your will, but in the name of everything holy, at least stop putting them in thrall when you're singing Taylor Swift songs in the shower.”

He was a chuunin academy teacher, not a courtier trained in statecraft and diplomacy.

“Are you kidding me, O’Conner?” Brian had the nerve to glare at him. “I’m not doing it on fucking purpose!” “For Christ’s sake,” Dom said. “Fuck you, Toretto, you’re the one who drove us between skyscrapers,” Brian said.

Arya Stark is his best friend, and she has never wanted to be treated like a lady. But sometimes Gendry forgets.

15 texts that were never sent in Westeros.

Catelyn Stark leaves King's Landing telling even her old friend Petyr Baelish that she is taking her daughters back to Winterfell. Instead she takes them, without telling Ned, to Dorne because if anyone will believe a tale of Lannister treachery it will be the Martells of Dorne. She realizes, as she reaches the gates of Sunspear, that she is really no better than her father was all those years ago.

When King Robert shares plans to make Sansa Stark his mistress when she comes of age, Ned Stark defies the king and sends both of his daughters to Dorne--Sansa married to Prince Oberyn, Arya betrothed to Prince Trystane. Over the course of years, a plot begins to take shape to rid the royal family of some of the wickedness that has set in like rot.

“Dorne,” the woman whispers softly, “does not take orders from this boy king.”

Tywin Lannister died without any other heir than Tyrion Lannister and his young wife Sansa, and rather than continue the mad fighting in Westeros Tyrion severed all ties and declared Casterly Rock neutral until a single King sat unquestioned on the Iron Throne. The fighting still continues, but House Lannister now takes in war orphans who are raised by Lady Sansa--it is this custom that first draws Daenerys Targaryen to Casterly Rock.

This is literally like a history essay because I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.

Prince Doran does more than keep the Marcher Lords at bay in exchange for Myrcella Baratheon's hand for his son Prince Trystane--he sends an army to defend King's Landing, and in the same stroke take every scrap of glory from Tywin Lannister and every scrap of power from Queen Cersei.

In an unguarded moment, Oberyn asks if Sansa's parents ever gave one another surprise gifts. For the first time in a long time, Sansa remembers her family when they were whole and happy. In the "For Fear Tonight is All" universe.

Cloud's kind of a dork and so is Sephiroth and they keep on having late night showers together, and it should be weird and awkward (like puberty) but it isn't. There's also a pillow fight.

With the Kyuubi’s help, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke have successfully landed in the past, armed with a completely fleshed-out plan to get rid of the bad guys and save the world. (Again.) The only problem? When it comes to the transmigration of souls and time-travel jutsus done under the influence, Kurama has absolutely, incredibly terrible aim.

And with his fingers pressing inside of him and his cock brushing against the sheets and his face in the leather that smelled like Derek, he felt pathetic and desperate all at once. He knew that if he ever got the chance (the opportunity) to be with Derek that he’d ask him to fuck him within half a second. He wanted the older man inside of him and around him and all over him until his senses were so consumed that he was completely senseless. or The five times Stiles fingered himself and the one time Derek did it for him.

It really shouldn't be any surprise to anyone that Geno Malkin decides to visit Jurassic World to see the dinosaurs (after all, there's a reason there's an entire tumblr dedicated to pictures of him with animals). But when things go wrong and Geno ends up stranded, it's up to Sidney Crosby to put together a team to rescue his boyfri--er, teammate.

30 young sand sibling drabbles, wherein Temari is (sometimes) a lady, Kankurou doesn't play nice with the other kids, and Gaara is perhaps a little socially inept.

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them). Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

Four wolves go to a tourney; or, how the Knight of the Laughing Tree crowned the Sun of Dorne the Queen of Love and Beauty.

They cannot see, but she does. Myrcella sees.

Brian was staring up at him wide-eyed, what the fuck are you doing. Dom didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, but whatever it was, he was doing it, so he didn’t let that show on his face.