"It's tough rattling around the house all by myself," the Sheriff says. "You boys are coming to dinner on Sunday nights from now on. Erica, too. You look like you could some feeding up. Do you eat anything aside from pie?" "Yes?" Derek says. He's not really sure how they ended up here, or how all that pie went so fast.

It all starts with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pez dispenser.

"Hold still," Stiles says, hand clamping down on the back of Derek's neck to keep him from turning and it's laughable, really – the thought that that would be enough to hold him. Except it is. Because Stiles' fingers are gripping the nape of Derek's neck, pressure sure and hard and Derek- Derek can't fucking breathe.

Funny. It was supposed to be funny. Seriously, Derek had lost a bet and Erica had been in charge of the stakes which had been awesome because Erica is the bomb at coming up with hilarious embarrassing shit and- This is all Erica's fault.

Derek risks a glance at Stiles only to find him practically fucking vibrating with glee at he ticks his gaze between Derek and Laura, like embarrassing family stories about Derek are the best thing that's ever freaking happened to him.

Stiles sighs as the sweep starts running. "I can't believe we almost lost the bestiary because you felt the need to visit skeevy porn sites without antivirus protection."

It's times like this Derek wishes he has facebook. This seems like the sort of shit that's supposed to be socially networked.

The thing is, Derek’s really, really hot. Like, insane levels of attraction. What with the leather and the cheekbones and the stubble and the ass — oh god, that ass — Stiles can’t really be blamed, at all for freaking bragging. Now if only his college friends actually believed Derek existed.

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn't expect and aren't sure they approve of....

Stiles deals with the aftermath of being abducted by Peter Hale and left for dead. It's harder than he would have thought to accept his place in the pack when he's convinced that he's the 'weak one' and can't protect himself. Fortunately, Scott and Sheriff Stilinski are there to help, and to nag Derek until he helps, too.

Stiles has a preference for written porn. He also has a thing for Derek's voice. So when Derek finds his erotica collection, this is clearly either the best or the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

In which Derek has been invited to the Greater Pacific Northwest Alpha Symposium (that's not what it's called, Stiles, stop saying that), and showing up unattached would mean an arranged marriage. When the rest of the pack objects, he agrees to let Stiles come along to pose as his mate. Derek is reasonably sure that he's not going to make it out of this weekend alive.

Stiles and Derek have phone-sex while Stiles is away at college.

AU – Werewolves are an enslaved underclass, collared and tagged by human masters. Detective Stilinksi’s on duty the night they bring in an untagged stray.

In which Derek and Stiles are essentially a married couple. Except they're not actually dating.

Make A Down Payment on a Bigger Bone: Danny had watched the way Stiles’ cheeks colored when Coach handed him back his condom. He had watched the proud little nod of his head when Scott looked at him like he was impressed. He had watched the way he walked, nay swaggered, up to the front of the classroom to take his shot at risk and reward. Give Me Just a Little Bit More: “I’m just being ridiculous. I mean, we agreed on it at the beginning. That this was strictly a no-strings fuck-a-friend kind of thing.” Stiles keeps talking like Danny isn’t standing beside him trying to rewrite all his views on Stiles with this new information. It’s... a little intense. “Is it wrong of me to feel like I deserve more than that?” He Wakes When He Dreams: Stiles huffs. “Come on, Danny! Just do this one little thing for me and I swear I’ll never bother you about anything ever again.” “One little thi-? Stiles, this is not a little thing!”

Stiles is at the Hale house, lounging on the front stoop watching Isaac, Erica, and Boyd wrestle, when the baby comes running out of the woods. - Derek becomes instant father to a magically appearing baby and falls in love. Stiles can’t take the cute and worries Derek’s heart will break if he loses the kid.

The first day of Junior year for Stiles isn’t just spent going over course syllabi, but also finding out that while he had been shipped off to family for the summer, that the werewolves in town had an Alpha pack to deal with. Heavily frustrated, Team Human figure it’s long past time that they start taking their own safety into their hands.

what it says on the tin

Four people at Beacon Hills High who get caught up in lycanthropic problems and one person who contracts one.

The day starts with a wild goose chase. Given the past year, Derek figures things can only get worse.

In which Stiles is so over this peril business and Derek's baking has completely disrupted his entire world view.

"Dude," Stiles is saying. "It's only going to work if you look like you don't hate me." "I don't hate you," Derek grits out, and pulls Stiles uncomfortably close, until there is a knobbly elbow digging into his side.

post 2x11 Stiles gets kidnapped by Gerard. He doesn't take it well. Derek saves him (because it's his turn this time).

What it says on the tin. Canon-AU for Season 3 (obvs the finale hasn't aired yet so no real confirmation that it's canon-compliant)

Stiles would say his relationship with Derek is about fifteen percent empty threats, thirty percent sass, ten percent avoiding violence together, and five percent eyebrows. If anyone asked, he would say the remaining forty percent is mutual orgasms. It’s a good thing no one ever asks.

Erica and Stiles are convinced that they're going to go down in history as the first-ever omegas at Beacon Hills High School to go unclaimed. But they also, deep down, have an alpha that they're hoping will come to them when they go into heat. Both of these ideas about instinctive mating are pretty much entirely wrong.

AU. Danny just wants to meet his MMORPG BFF; she's not thrilled by the idea.

Stiles' kid has a tendency to get into fights and possibly has bad taste in friends. Or enemies. Stiles isn't sure yet, but he's pretty sure the other kid's dad is too hot to be human.

Five times Stiles and Derek pretend to be boyfriends, and the one time they didn't have to pretend at all. (Or: in which Stiles' plan for senior year is completely ruined by a supernatural creature stalking him.)

Appreciate him without sounding patronizing. Somehow. Refrain from smacking him. Make him laugh. Don't do this at someone else's expense. Maybe at your own. Be seen with him. Show him you're willing to be seen in public associating with him. Initiate conversation - show you want to talk to him. Do not allow him to think you just want something from him. Even if you do. Feed him. Not junk food. Show you can provide for him? Isaac had added (un)helpful additions, such as 'Don't leave dead animals on his porch!' in response to number five, underlining 'Don't do this at someone else's expense' twice, and 'Why are you writing a list to yourself in second person? The fact you want Stiles is your worst kept secret'.

"The first time Derek shoves Stiles against a wall, she pepper sprays him in his face."

X-Men like AU. Our protagonists are attending Beacon Hills Academy, an institution for 'specials'. They've been detected early on, and some of them are showing spectacular abilities already. The Hales are a genetic mystery all together. Stiles, however, despite having being singled out as a kid, is nothing special. And he knows it. Circumstances and people – read Peter – conspire to put Stiles and Derek together. Changes ensue. Then all hell breaks loose. *** There are two characters guest staring from other fandoms. One from KickAss, one from Flashpoint. You do not need to have seen the movie or tv show to understand this fic, and it does not contain spoilers for either of them. Spoilers for Teen Wolf are very few, since it's an AU. Mostly characters from S2 and relationships.

Stiles doesn't think it's a problem. After all, what are the odds that it'll come after him? It's not like he's the only virgin left in Beacon Hills! And it's not like people are lining up to help him out, either...

The pack assumes, but StilesandDerek break expectations in their own way. It works for them.

Derek goes away to deal with a hostile rival pack, and Stiles calls him up to settle his nerves. “Ah, you feeling a bit stressed out big guy?” “Yes,” he says, voice raspy. “It’s okay. I’m going to take care of you right now."

She hasn’t had a partner-assisted orgasm in over a week and a half, and she is just beyond done. She wants to lie down on the cold bathroom floor and cry. Derek is starting to look like a permanently kicked puppy. “Look,” she tells him after dinner, “I love your inner self and your personality or whatever, but can I just tie you up and use your body until I come a couple times?” Derek fumbles the sudsy glass in his hand. “Awesome!” Stiles says brightly.

Derek sighs, envisioning Stiles pulling a file out of the nightstand and ruining whatever mood they might have managed to capture completely. What Stiles has in his hands when he turns back around is definitely not a file, though. Instead, it’s thick and black, curved into a wicked-looking c-shape with a small bullet vibrator jutting out of one end. “That is not what I was expecting,” Derek admits honestly. “Yeah, I can tell, you’re turning,” Stiles gestures to his own face, “you’re kind of, um, pink.”

Stiles makes a cyber sex buddy who supposedly looks like a dark-haired version of his favorite character on his favorite show. Which, coincidentally enough, is also what Derek looks a hell of a lot like.

Another kinkmeme story.

Derek maintains this wouldn't be an issue if Stiles would just learn to knock.

“Ah, yeah, Desiree, I told you I was meeting someone. Well, that someone is Derek. My boyfriend. We’re totally in love.” His heart was racing and Derek was holding him so tight it was difficult to turn enough to face the young woman. What he did see of her had his breath catching on fishhooks in his throat. She was normally a relatively pretty girl, with cute round cheeks and large dark eyes, but in that moment she looked…terrifying. Her cheeks seemed gaunt, her eyes glowing like they were little windows peeking into a deep pit of raging flame. (Or: Five or so years after the show. Stiles is in college, and finds himself getting stalked by a succubus. Derek's determined that the best way to thwart her is to prove that he and Stiles are madly in love. It's not really as much of an act as either seems to think.)

Laura's not expecting two teenage boys to burst into the bakery, brandishing lacrosse sticks yelling about “Kidnap!” and “Pedobears!” and “Sex slaves are illegal!” She’s flabbergasted. “Cupcake?” Derek offers."

Derek as a tactile study guide for Stiles. Written for a prompt by descendingspiral on Tumblr, who asked for: Stiles needs to focus on studying for his Anatomy class. Derek volunteers his body.

All Derek wanted was for the woman to leave him alone and ring up his groceries. How that led to her thinking Stiles is his boyfriend is something he blames on Stiles and his inability to stay out of trouble for five minutes.

Stiles starts bringing drumsticks to Pack gatherings, sitting himself on the edge of the group to tap out maddening rhythms on his knees as the werewolves train. The first time he’d pulled them out, spinning one stick in a showy twirl between his fingers, Derek had actually staggered a little, missed a basic move, and ended up on his back blinking up at fucking Jackson, of all people.

Alternate Title: "Dick Failwolf, Private Eye." (Or, Derek's hit with a Film Noir curse, which forces him to narrate his own life in luridly-detailed prose.)

"If the anchor is a person,” Stiles reads from Lydia's neat notes, “a werewolf may be assisted by carrying a token of their flesh near them at all times. The more intimate the offering, the better."

Stiles accidentally finds a trunk full of Derek's professional dom gear from when he lived in New York. They don't talk about it. Then Stiles turns eighteen, and they do.

Pornstars Derek and Stiles work for the same company. Derek only shoots with werewolves and Stiles only shoots with humans. That's not going to change after they meet. It's really not. (It might.)