John beats a thunderstorm home, Rose has melted all over the bathroom, and they make do despite the absence of their other two pieces.

Wherein the four beta!kids are and always were trolls on Alternia, Sgrub/Sburb does not exist, and Troll Jade Harley is on a quest to keep her friend Aradia from dying. Things will almost certainly get more complicated, but that's a good place to start.

AO3 port of Brainbent, a reader-driven Homestuck AU on Tumblr. Warning for mental illness themes. Major updating in progress as I move the story posts here from Tumblr for an easier archive bingeing experience.

Things you are capable of doing that nobody knows about: * An acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle, and not out of rage. * flipping yourself, not just your shit. * pas de poisson. aka The Fic Where Karkat Does Combat Via Ballet (with the work-inspiring art by elanorpam).

The halls of the Gods are empty, echoing with unheard prayers. The forces of corruption and decay are growing in power. Soon they shall sweep across the world like an unholy plague. From the deep caverns beneath the majestic Dragonshard Mountains, across the mighty Greenweald Forest, to the fair city of Porthaven on the storm-wracked coast, there are fourteen people with the mark of a divine ruler on their skin. They do not know it, but they and only they can save the world from apocalypse and ruin. So naturally, they're going to spend as long as possible arsing about slaying monsters and looting ancient temples. 'Cos, you know, adventurers.

Even the human fandom has recognized that it's a love story. Karkat's just disgusted that we've got them in the wrong quadrant. Rated Teen for Karkat's vocabulary.

For PB&J: Take one part well-aged longing, one part awkwardness, two parts enthusiasm, and a dash of possessiveness. Mix well. Season to taste with the presence of a crabby moirail in the next block. Part of Miracle Child 'verse

The kids and remaining trolls stop by Jane Crocker's house to meet up with the new players and end up getting more than they bargained for when she realizes how much they could use some time to recuperate.

John is far too open about his exclusive interest in females, and Equius takes offense. Sweaty offense.

What so many of the others don't understand is that Gamzee's as pale for Karkat as Karkat is for Gamzee. Fuck, he's pretty sure he was pale for Karkat before Karkat fell for him, because Karkat's always been a tightly-wound bundle of nerves and anger and fear, just barely held together with an iron self-control that's nothing if not a miracle. Rating for Kar and Gamz's attatchment to certain words, and for themes of self-harm.

More than two sweeps after being returned to a restored Alternia, the trolls face impending adulthood and banishment from the planet. Gamzee Makara fully expects to be culled on conscription for poor health and sopor addiction - what he doesn't count on is the personal attention and protection of the Grand Highblood.

Karkat Vantas is a 6 sweeps old troll with a secret so big it could shake the very foundations of the Alternian Empire. But now the purrbeast is out of the bag, and the heretics who follow the teachings of his Ancestor rush to send their Messiah to the safety of a planet so distant, it knows nothing of Alternia. Meanwhile, Karkat hates his life and these stupid old squatters and his ancestor and pretty much everything there ever was in the world of forever. Platonically.

Karkat thought he knew what he was getting into, when he agreed to help Kanaya and Jade resurrect the troll race. He didn't count on the resurrected troll race including a handful of bright red grubs.

Karkat blamed it all on Missus Jane.

Your name is ROXY LALONDE, and you think that your mother hates you.

Dave and John are college students with no money and one job between them. Unable to pay their bills or cover food costs, dire steps must be taken in order to rectify this. these new steps are a catalyst for a drastic shift in their relationship. this is homosexual. the author does not know how the porn industry works. shhhhhhh...

It just figures that when Karkat finally finds that special someone he hates more than he hates himself, that person turns out to be the guy who's essentially his clone, but fifty million times more annoying.

There is only one troll alive anymore who’s strong enough to help the highblood blow off some steam. So Sollux takes one for the team.

Karkat gets kidnapped. When Gamzee hears, he just goes with the flow. Competence? From Gamzee Makara? It's more likely than you think.

“Okay,” he says, “Do it again.” “—————,” replies Karkat.

Tavros' robot legs are due for a tune-up. Equius is surprisingly gentle. Tavros is pleased with the results.

Sollux Captor is 22 years old, a successful freelance web designer, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Karkat Vantas is 19 years old, a cranky CS-major freshman, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Sollux and Karkat are the worst best friends and one of the top player-pairs in the game. In a month, they're meeting for the first time and it's exciting... and terrifying.

You get culled.

Episodes From the Lives of Twelve Trolls From Various Castes From Low to the Very Highest (and One Pariah Who Fell Out the Bottom of the Spectrum) Who Band Together to Challenge the Rule of Her Imperial Condescension. Featuring Romances in All Four Quadrants, Heretical Philosophies, a Dangerous Amount of Revolutionary Fervor, Regicide, Ancestor Worship and More to be Added Later.

Terezi Pyrope is a Neophyte Legislacerator looking to lease an administrative assistant. She was not expecting to find Dave Strider, a secretarial asset with a sense of integrity as strong as her own. Dave Strider is a secretarial asset with "personality problems" that would have gotten him culled if not for his otherwise exemplary administrative abilities. He finds himself drawn into the quadrants of the would-be social reformer who leased him. He finds he is surprisingly Okay with this. Both their lives become interesting (in the curse sense) when the Heiress retains Pyrope and her team.

He could gag himself with how deep in this he is. In which Dave and Terezi share in sweet interspecies lovemaking and realize that being born universes apart lends itself to some discrepancy in the biological department.

Your wriggling day is in three days, and while you normally celebrate this event with the apathy it deserves, this particular sweep is different. That’s because it will be your eighth sweep, and it happens to coincide with the arrival of the imperial drones. This is a milestone that every troll looks forward to with a heady combination of excitement and terror. For most trolls, when they reach their eighth sweep, they become adults. Not you. When you reach your eighth sweep, you will die.

In which young Church ward Gamzee Makara is finally old enough to be officially initiated into the ranks of the subjugglators.

Sollux Captor has just relocated to Houston for a dead-end job and all he wants is to drink and wallow in his thirty years of shitty luck. Instead, he gets tag-teamed by a pair of blond twins who really, really want to take him home.

"An immense saucer descending from the clouds and impacting the ground, as the press and through them the people of Earth looked on in shock and awe. That was the scene in California's Mohave desert two years ago today: the historic first view of the Alternian ship upon its dramatic arrival. Their ship was a refugee ship carrying a quarter million children and young adults ready to settle in almost any environment, but they washed ashore on Earth with no way to get back to where they came from. Civil liberties attorneys successfully lobbied for the Alternians' release from quarantine and in the last two years, the Alternians have become the latest addition to the population of Los Angeles." The representitives of a race of newcomers fight to give their people a home on Earth- but even without the deadly killer stalking the streets of LA, just surviving is hard enough for some. Can humans and aliens work together to build a better future? Or is it all doomed to end in bloodshed? One thing is for sure - for sixteen teenagers, this is going to be a dangerous week. AUTHOR'S NOTE: You don't have to know Alien Nation at all to read, understand or enjoy this fic!

THEN: Dave shacked up with a Crossroads Demon, sold his soul, brought Rose along for the ride, and they killed a hipster water demon. NOW: Roadtrip. The worst roadtrip.

In an alternate universe where the kids came from a world with daemons, what's different? And what's the same?

"And then I saw a new Alternia, for the old Alternia had passed away." -- St. Troll John Cusack How the Empire knelt to a clown, a mutant and a lawyer.