Maes wakes up in the Elemental Countries after his death, and promptly gets into trouble. Genma gets him out of it.

Shisui is done. Gone. That’s it for him, he’s toast. (Or, Shisui is in love. Naruto is mostly oblivious. Everyone else is entirely convinced that Shisui is a creeper.)

Aka everyone is a superhero or a sidekick or a damsel in distress in true comic style. Includes terrible hero names, almost everyone wearing spandex (Sakumo why must you be sensible and break the mold you nerd), ridiculousness, secret identity fails, and all of my favorite crack pairings. I would be sorry, but that would require a sense of shame and I misplaced mine long ago.

Fate has always had a love-hate relationship with the members of Team 7, and Sai is just now realizing that's he's most definitely not exempt.

Kakashi lives in the darkness, which is more than he deserves, but for Naruto he'll step into the light.

As a last resort, they finally send Mikoto to talk to her. Kushina's not impressed, even though she has to admire their tenacity. They’ve tried three different elders, the woman who works at the ramen stand she likes almost as much as Teuchi’s, and Fugaku. Apparently, after the utter failure of that last one, they're attempting to pull out all the stops.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: shisui trying very hard not to stare at utakata's chest and Those Pecs and Abs and Everything Hes Gorgeous Help and utakata mistaking it for being curious about his pipe and starts infodumping about his bubbles

Set around ch.307. Spoilers. Trying to fix a three man team has its own quirks for Sakura, especially when there are four people involved.

Of all the wonderful things to come out of peace talks, Tobirama relishes Izuna's jealousy the most.

Naruto and Kurama meet before Naruto even leaves the orphanage. Naruto grows up with a second person under his skin-- in canon. Now he knows about Kurama, and refuses to keep him locked away.

“You sure you want to do this?” Tōka asks, doesn’t let her gaze waver from the mercenary with a gun to her cousin’s head. Her own are completely steady, and she doesn’t miss a step as she turns, following the woman’s retreat deeper into the cave. “Sorry, Tōka,” Mito says, and the tone is light but there's a look in her eyes that Tōka is fairly sure is rueful. “I'm too pretty to stay in prison for the rest of my life."

In his defense, it wasn’t that he didn’t know Obito was attractive. Of course he did. With abs and arms like those who wouldn’t know? It was that he hadn’t realized just how attractive Obito was until they started their current mission.

“I’m starting to think all those rumors about the Hatake were true,” Orochimaru manages to get out, half an instant before he’s landing on his hands and knees on a thin bedroll, hands already tearing at his robes.

“Look at you,” Zabuza says, lazy and languid, and when Utakata flicks his eyes up he’s watching intently, legs spread wide, breath coming hard. His grip tightens in Utakata's hair, but there’s no pressure behind it. “Fuck, you helped overthrow the Mizukage and then just dropped to your knees. Makes a man wonder.”

Tenten's kiss is sticky-sweet and traced with copper, and Sakura just wants to devour her.

“Over your desk?” Kiba says, lazily amused. “Shikamaru's gonna kill you.”

“Back from your mission already?” Orochimaru asks slyly, and the grip on his hair is too tight for him to turn his head, but he can see the fall of white hair reflected in the mirror on the far wall, can smell the crushed-leaf and dark-earth scent of the man, touched with sweat and metal. “I'm two days late,” Sakumo says into the nape of his neck, and the hand slides from his side up to the collar of his robe.

“You sure you want to do this?” Kurama rumbles. Underneath him, Shisui makes a strangled sound, sucking in a hard breath and squeezing his eyes shut. “Oh gods, please don’t do the voice thing or there won't be anything to do.”

“Can you take a little more?” Hashirama murmurs, and there's a whisper of something else beneath the velvet of his voice, heady and heavy like the power that curls across his skin, and Obito shudders, moans.

Mei laughs, rich and throaty, and takes the glass from her, tilting it up to her lips and taking a long swallow. Then, perfectly careless, she drops it over the arm of the chair to shatter on the floor, gaze never wavering from Kushina. “How about I help you in return, sweetheart? That dress looks uncomfortable. Take it off.”

Aoba is going to die, but goddamn what a fucking way to go.

There's a hard cock nestled between his legs and soft lips on the back of his neck, and Kagami groans, catching the hand splayed over his stomach and lacing their fingers. “Good morning to you too,” he gasps, and Tobirama hums into his shoulder.

Maybe getting dragged all the way from Wave to Konoha won't turn out to be such torture after all.

Caught in the act of digging through the hall closet, presumably in his quest to find Zabuza, Gai spins, already beaming. “Yosh! Are you prepared for our day of challenges and manly combat?” For a long moment Zabuza stares at him. Then, carefully, he takes a deep breath and growls, “No. I have my own plans. I bought a massive dildo and I'm going to go stuff it up my ass until my arm gets tired. So unless you want to help me get off, you should fuck off.”

“That’s the best you could do for a disguise?” Shikamaru huffs, but his fingers are digging into Kiba's hips through the thin fabric.

Greed is definitely not where he used to be, and the fact that he’s alive was a big clue there. Not like there’s been any research done on what happens to a Homunculus when they die, but Greed had rather been expecting nonexistence. “Well, fuck,” he says, and hopes that Father’s end was as painful as Edward’s imagination could make it.

Obito gets lost on the way back to the afterlife.

With a trembling breath, Genma pries his fingers off of Kurama’s skin, reaches up and strokes a hand through Raidō’s hair. Every muscle feels like water, but when Raidō smiles at him he smiles back, cups a hand around the back of Kurama’s head, and gets out, “A plus on your first threesome. Excellent job, top marks. Holy fuck.”

“You know,” Zabuza gets out on a laugh, “I didn’t think you had it in you.” Kakashi shoves his knee up higher, slams into him so hard it makes Zabuza gasp. “I'm not the one with it in me,” he says mildly.

Zabuza steels himself, breathes out. Remembers he can move, that he can speak, and slowly, carefully slides to his knees. Not a position he would take for anyone else, even Mei if she ever wore the Mizukage's hat, not after a lifetime spent clawing his way up from the streets and into a place of his own power. But—gods are something different. They have to be, or they can't offer miracles, and Zabuza needs that miracle right now. “I was told that you help those seeking justice,” he says.

All of this, Kakashi would like it noted, is because he has terrible friends.

He’s five when the man that can make himself appear out of thin air visits him the first time. The first thing Naruto notices is the way his eyes look sad. Lonely. Just like he feels. “Do you want to share some ramen?”

Neji is nineteen. He’s Hokage. The House system has officially been demolished, and the key to his seal, to every Caged Bird Seal, is sitting on the desk in front of him. It feels like freedom, and maybe a little like terror.

Shukaku fixes the timeline. Grumpily. And with a lot of bloodshed.

“Mom! Dad! Father! Someone’s at the door!” “Oh gods,” Sakura mutters, head halfway buried under the pillow. “How did she get your lungs, Naruto?” There's a sound of tired agreement from her left, though Sasuke doesn’t even attempt to pick his face up out of the mattress. “You're the medic-nin,” Naruto says, amused, and pushes up on one elbow to squint blearily at the bedroom door. “Want to draw straws?” “You're already up,” Sasuke probably says, though even Naruto's ears have a hard time catching it. “And before eight they're your kids.”

“Look at you,” Shisui says admiringly, rocking back on his heels and surveying his prize. Sequel to 'if you can find that leap of faith', but entirely plotless.

There's a monster whispering in Minato's head, curled around his soul. It’s vast and hungry and full of fury, radiates it and basks in it and lets it spill over through the bars that cage it. If Minato had one ounce more energy, he would rage too, but— Anger is a luxury right now, an indulgence. He can't afford it.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: de-aged oro???? he was such a cute kid and i can just see everybody going wtf.

The first person Kakashi meets when he staggers out of the house, covered in blood, is Uchiha Obito.

Kiba's probably the only emotionally well-adjusted member of the Konoha 12, and he's been aware of that for a while. He never thought that would qualify him for time travel, though.

If she isn’t utterly mistaken, there's a flush rising in Orochimaru’s pale cheeks, one she only ever used to see when Jiraiya was being especially handsy during their genin days. It’s been a long time since Orochimaru got over that particular crush, and Tsunade stares at him now, at the averted eyes and rising color and aggrieved slant to his mouth, and feels glee bubbling up inside of her. “Really?” she says, delighted. “Who?”

The lights of Konoha are coming on in the dusk, like stars against the shadows, and Tobirama pauses, standing atop his brother’s carved stone face as he looks over the village. Change has touched every part of it, but at a single glance Tobirama can tell that the foundations are still there. The Will of Fire, loyalty, teamwork, sacrifice in the name of the future. Love is something large, with a thousand facets, and Tobirama only knows very few of them, but of all the world’s wonders Konoha is the easiest for him to love.

“I think,” Shisui declares, and kind of distantly hopes he isn’t about to die a messy death, “that this calls for a kidnapping.” There's a moment of absolute silence. “What,” Utakata demands.

It had been a drunken whim, coming on the heels of his breakup with Yugao, to add his name to the list of candidates for political marriages, and even when he’d remembered the next morning Hayate had waved off the notion that anyone would pick him. Most people are at least mildly alarmed by a shinobi with a chronic illness, after all.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.

Takeshi has absolutely no idea what’s going on, but that’s never stopped him before.

Orochimaru, Mito has come to realize, has a good many of the qualities that made her brother-in-law so fearsome, and she’s glad for it.

Sakumo loses a bet and has to cover the fashion beat for a week. It's not nearly the trial he expected it to be.

Mei’s had dreams that weren’t as good as this.

“I'm so glad you're okay,” Kagami whispers, pressing a kiss to Tobirama’s shoulder blade.