First snippet, for asukaskerian. Hell yes, I will write the cuddly after-porn bit for these two! Unf. I am picturing them probably in similar circumstances here as in Asuka’s Uniform Kink pesterlog. :3

What if the universes collided and a bunch of Steves ran into each other. And for whatever reason, they all had sex. As one does when meeting several of your alternate universe versions.

In which the gay bar is Stalberg's idea and Kaner doesn't notice Jon pretending to be his boyfriend.

"Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma." (Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

Kanaya's lusus had taught her, early on, how to prepare a body.

In which Rose inadvertently starts the first inter-dimensional chapter of Stitch and Bitch, and courts Kanaya through crafts.

"Once there were two hockey players. One had great hair. One had a lot of brothers. This is their story." Or, Kris Letang gets a hug and Marc Staal meets a nice boy. Inspired by Morning to Wake You

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

First Mugshot pic of the awesome collab I’m doing with Scifigrl47!

There was no good way to say it: sorry about your surprise sex swap and your nonconsensual werewolf bite also rearranged your butt plumbing and congratulations, I've probably destroyed your sex life forever were not exactly Hallmark sentiments.

They’ve had this connection for nearly as long as they’ve known each other; Patrick doesn’t know why it happened, what made it so that out of all the people in the world, it’s Johnny and only Johnny whose thoughts he can read, but there it is. One day it was just Patrick in his head, and the next, he’d woken up with the background awareness of Johnny in there too, and a panicked, thumping voice saying, Oh, shit. You too?

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

Sidney is starting to get a reputation amongst the Pens for being the go-to guy for free childcare. Or, five times Sidney babysat and one time someone babysat for him.

Geno is sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Sidney has a dresser drawer full of sex toys, but right now he's drawing a blank.

or, the many times Tyler Seguin tried to come out on Twitter and no one believed him.

"We'll make this work somehow, sweetheart, won't we?" he said, swaying back and forth a bit as it warmed up. It probably made him look stupid, but he'd discovered there were a lot of stupid-looking things he'd do to keep his baby girl happy.

“So, you Skype your boy a lot or something?” Kaner asks when he’s been there for a little while and heard Segs talk about Tyler enough to catch a clue. There’s something odd in his voice--a little plaintive, like he’s asking, so how do you deal with it? Segs hesitates, shrugs. Says, “Yeah, something like that.” Inside his head, Tyler laughs.

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

"Okay. Let's work on shelter first. You ever build a treehouse?" Sh-t, Tavros's little impressed face kind of gets you right in the pump biscuit.

Someone demanded human/troll kismeses having anal sex, with those headcanons: #1 Since trolls have nooks, anal sex is regarded as strictly taboo. Or not even taboo, perhaps just really odd and kinky, like, why would you put that there??? #2 Anal sex is strictly reserved for the caliginous quadrant, as a means of showing dominance over your partner. I don’t mean non-con or even dub-con; after a bout of fighting or arguing or whatever, the winner can choose to propose it and the loser can choose to accept it as an expression of rightfully-earned submission.

Flash first sees them when Parker is at his locker one morning. Just peeking out of the cuff of one of the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Bruises, mottled and bluish-black, like Parker's been in a fight.

House sorting under here I will fight you

There is silence on the other end of the connection.

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

CG: HARLEY, WHEN I SAID THAT I WOULD RATHER CULL MYSELF WITH THE DULL END OF A SCALEMATE BEFORE I EVER GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO RECOIL IN ABJECT REVULSION BEFORE MY HIDEOUS VISAGE CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW BE AMENABLE TO INSTEAD PERFORMING A DAPPER SHOW AND TELL ROUTINE?

eridan is so tolerable when he can't talk

Looking into mirrors has always messed with your head, but this is nothing like a mirror image. It’s like looking at yourself distorted even further, sharper, the bare bones and skin shaped into something more solid, but still thin and tense and narrow.

Dave leans forward. You can see a camera reflected in his shades, in the high-rez screen, you can see his own face peering out of the camera in his shades, his reflection reflecting itself into infinity. Not you. You’re not there -- he’s not here.

It turns out that buddyfucking your best friend without shit getting weird requires constant vigilance.

Sollux would be willing to wait forever for Karkat to feel ready, but the drones aren't so patient.

Sollux has found a new favourite flavour.

The best thing about having a kismesis is that it means someone doesn't pity him.

When Eridan finally gets the better of him, it literally leaves Sollux breathless.

Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School.

Problem: the drones induce pailing via chemical stimulus that boosts concupiscent instincts and dampens higher brain functions. Problem: pinning your matesprit to the nearest available surface is a concupiscent instinct, and using psionic power is a higher brain function. Problem: pinning your matesprit to the nearest available surface is a concupiscent instinct...and controlling your freakish physical strength is a higher brain function. Problem: being anywhere near Equius come pailing time is 100% likely to kill you. Solution: apply higher brain function ahead of time.

"You want a motherfucking guide, chica?" "No," you say, and it comes out flatter than you meant it to. "I'd have to want to go somewhere for that." He doesn't pester you to get moving, like an NPC should. Instead he kind of laughs, and you want to believe it's sympathetic. "Well, here, then," he says. He stands up—and up, and up, jeez, he's like seven feet tall at least—and holds out the cigarette to you. "How about a sister up and joins me for a smoke? Good for chilling out all them head bees."

Karkat's a big stupid romantic, and romance is a language: sloppier than anything Sollux has ever programmed, but it still has its own grammar and its own important commands. This scar-trading ritual thing means, believe that I'm sticking around.

Having an alien boyfriend is a little like an adventure and a little like a science experiment. Fortunately for you (and for your alien boyfriend), those are both things you really like.

"On your three," Captor's voice crackles in his ear as Dave finishes putting down the last bunch of combat drones to come after him. "Already on it," Dave says.

"What do you need to rein this in?" you ask. Captor doesn't acknowledge the pun. He shrugs one bony shoulder, letting his head droop further.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nobody is more desperate than a troll facing the Imperial Drone at collection time. Unfortunately, anonymous sex isn't so anonymous when you run into someone you know.

CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER? CA: oh my god really CG: YEAH. I MEAN, IF THAT WOULDN’T BE WEIRD. CA: fuckin hell i shoulda got gillpox prevvious if that wwas all itd take for you to accept my standin invvitation to come and hang

Stiles gets a massage. And then some. Alternatively: in which Stiles' mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.

Derek doesn’t get why he likes it so much. It’s just not -- he hadn’t expected to need this. Not from Stiles. Not from anyone, ever. He doesn’t do this. Except he does, now. Because it’s for Stiles, and Derek -- fuck, he likes it too.

“People who want to eat my grilled cheese for dinner should learn not to interrupt the delicate purchasing process with their unwelcome mockery,” Claude says. Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

Kaner apparently starred in a porno at some point in his life. Jonny becomes very, very invested in watching it. Repeatedly.

Generally speaking, Kaner is the kind of girl you hear before you see coming. In some cases, literally. --- AKA the one where Jonny accidentally watches Kaner and Segs fucking over skype.

"Watching Stiles heal someone has always been a little uncomfortable for Derek, like he's seeing something intimate and private that shouldn't have an audience. That's nothing compared to how it feels." This is an AU in which Stiles has magical healing powers.

Claude gets a new car. Cameron doesn't like it.

None of them have discussed the fact that Duncs is dating knock-off Seabses, because what can they really do about it?