For your fifteenth birthday, you get: One (1) bedazzled breathalyzer. Three (3) marine biology books, all of them for children 5+ and possibly bought at the Seaworld gift shop. One (1) copy of Computers For Dummies, courtesy of Strider (the douchenozzle). One (1) black cat who is, quite possibly, the cutest cat on the planet, you love him so much and you’ve only had him for 4 hours, goddamn. Five (5) shrinkwrapped DVDs that you would suspect Jake of scrounging up from the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart if he lived anywhere near a Walmart. He apparently thinks shit like “Men in Black 2” and “Tomb Raider” are quality cinema when in fact they resemble nothing more than that gunk you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. But that’s okay. It’s, like, totally endearing. One (1) invitation to join BettyBother. Jane. Jane, no.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window. There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen. “Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says. And then it swallows you.

See, okay, you are the best of housemates. It is definitely you. You don’t even fuck with his goddamn color-coded shit in the fridge and you absolutely do not go anywhere the fuck near his color-coded toothbrush major arcana in the bathroom. For the most part you kind of stand over here and let his weirdness just kind of handle itself. You have, however, reached your limit for this particular style and model of bullshit and so you bang on his door and when he sort-of grunts in response you bang on it again and then you try the knob and hey, check that shit out, it’s not locked. ...Wow, he looks like ass.

I'd love to see something red and fluffy between Dave and Karkat, maybe involving the idea that Dave can't sleep in the veil because he's convinced he'll be attacked? Seeing super competent leader Karkat would be awesome too.

Not all dreams are good memories for Tavros.

"and you never guessed/the one you loved best/to draw always drew/pictures of you/undressed." A fairly plotless accumulation of pornographic pennings, courtesy of one Dave Strider.

John starts to love it when Dave talks with his hands.

Rose's face has flattened out into one of those human expressions you find so irritatingly impermeable. "Oh my God," she says, before you can stumble to the beginning of another sentence. "You're about to open your lips and inform me that I have been dosed with sex pollen." It's caliginous sex pollen fic. I don't know what you want from me.

Adventure Time with Aradia and Jade!

CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

“It’s like, his little hornzorz!” Latula says. She rips open a new pack of Flamin Hott Fire Crispoz with extreme prejudice, manic with food dye and pity.

"Everything about Dave is wonderful, especially when it's not." Three years after the game ended, the kids and their guardians live together as a big, goofy family, and John is so happy he could explode. The thing that makes him happiest is Dave. They are the best snugglebros and everything is perfect. Except that people are giving John looks like he's missing something important here, and he's not sure he wants to figure it out...

[sequel to 'Marvelous Things', from dave's POV.] "Camping?" you echo skeptically. Spending a week without internet access isn't something you're eager to volunteer for. And you're not exactly the outdoor type. Sunshine is not your friend. Why he would think you'd want to spend your spring break in the middle of nowhere, out in the open, sleeping in a tent... ... in a tent with John Egbert, in the middle of nowhere, just the two of you... sharing a sleeping bag for warmth... no one to hear his doofy giggling... or any other noises he might happen to make... A slow smile spreads over your face. "Whatever you want, baby."

Ex-military Eridan Ampora has an honorable discharge hanging on his wall, dreams of battlefields that haunt him around every turn and a pair of trolls who scurry around his house and snoop in his things when they think he isn't looking while they wait for their own scars to fade. Somehow, he thinks that that's enough. Inspired by Unwanted Free Ugly Troll.

Karkat blamed it all on Missus Jane.

Dave doesn't always understand the nature of troll romance, but most of the time he doesn't need to.

Being an adult is hard, it is hard and no one understands. Particularly when your only child starts polyamorously dating aliens.

Steve had body-modesty trained out of him in boot camp, and apparently his attitude is infectious.

The alternate title to this story is, ‘How Pepper Got Her Groove Back (Not That She Ever Lost It To Begin With): A Story in Cocktails’: In which Pepper rules Stark Industries with an iron first in between drink breaks, there is way higher than Level Seven clearance at SHIELD but Phil trusts her with a lot more than that, and the Avengers really have no idea how much work has to be done to keep them afloat when it doesn't directly involve explosions.

There are some staff changes going on at SHIELD.

Bruce isn't sure he wants to use a credit card Tony gave him. Steve isn't sure he even knows how.

In which Cap makes new friends, becomes an accidental Internet troll, swaps a lot of stories, and gives Bucky Barnes a hug.

In which Natasha gives the thumbs-up to Tony Stark and the Iron Man suit, the Avengers Initiative starts a little differently, and Tony finds himself spending a lot of time with assassins and/or spies.

“It's a contingency plan in case of accidental teenagering,” says Stark.

Things you are capable of doing that nobody knows about: * An acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle, and not out of rage. * flipping yourself, not just your shit. * pas de poisson. aka The Fic Where Karkat Does Combat Via Ballet (with the work-inspiring art by elanorpam).

Even the human fandom has recognized that it's a love story. Karkat's just disgusted that we've got them in the wrong quadrant. Rated Teen for Karkat's vocabulary.

For PB&J: Take one part well-aged longing, one part awkwardness, two parts enthusiasm, and a dash of possessiveness. Mix well. Season to taste with the presence of a crabby moirail in the next block. Part of Miracle Child 'verse

John is far too open about his exclusive interest in females, and Equius takes offense. Sweaty offense.

What so many of the others don't understand is that Gamzee's as pale for Karkat as Karkat is for Gamzee. Fuck, he's pretty sure he was pale for Karkat before Karkat fell for him, because Karkat's always been a tightly-wound bundle of nerves and anger and fear, just barely held together with an iron self-control that's nothing if not a miracle. Rating for Kar and Gamz's attatchment to certain words, and for themes of self-harm.

It just figures that when Karkat finally finds that special someone he hates more than he hates himself, that person turns out to be the guy who's essentially his clone, but fifty million times more annoying.

There is only one troll alive anymore who’s strong enough to help the highblood blow off some steam. So Sollux takes one for the team.

Karkat gets kidnapped. When Gamzee hears, he just goes with the flow. Competence? From Gamzee Makara? It's more likely than you think.

John beats a thunderstorm home, Rose has melted all over the bathroom, and they make do despite the absence of their other two pieces.

THEN: Dave shacked up with a Crossroads Demon, sold his soul, brought Rose along for the ride, and they killed a hipster water demon. NOW: Roadtrip. The worst roadtrip.

You get culled.

He could gag himself with how deep in this he is. In which Dave and Terezi share in sweet interspecies lovemaking and realize that being born universes apart lends itself to some discrepancy in the biological department.

The first month after he wakes up on the meteor, WV spends most of his time alone.

He's always hidden it. Them.

*wife *actnion *actino *action Roxy and Tavros roleplay as husband and wife. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Written for the kink meme!

In a discarded reality, a clown once made a promise to a poet. But trapped in the Veil with a vicious subjugglator, his life rewritten and his team falling apart, can Karkat Vantas find his way along a path marked by dreams he can never remember?

Voldemort has captured Harry and for his own twisted reasons has chosen not to kill him outright. Revenge in the Dark Lord's mind requires a fate worse than death and Harry is about to find out what that is.

When demons are involved things are always bad, so when someone sabotages the protections on the rink for a charity gala things go downhill fast, but when Johnny saves Evan from a fate worse than death the balance completely changes.

“Okay,” he says, “Do it again.” “—————,” replies Karkat.

When a second Tony Stark slips through from an alternate universe, Steve suddenly finds his hands very full.

In an alternate universe where the kids came from a world with daemons, what's different? And what's the same?

What if the universes collided and a bunch of Steves ran into each other. And for whatever reason, they all had sex. As one does when meeting several of your alternate universe versions.

First snippet, for asukaskerian. Hell yes, I will write the cuddly after-porn bit for these two! Unf. I am picturing them probably in similar circumstances here as in Asuka’s Uniform Kink pesterlog. :3

It was so much easier to be celibate when you were dead.

Love advice with Canadians: the clueless leading the clueless who is in love with clueless.

John and Karkat find themselves on opposite ends of the universe after the game.