"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

In which Coulson is his frighteningly competent self, but this time, the Avengers notice.

Tony Stark says very important things all the time but no one ever takes him seriously, not even when they really should. So when Tony says he's going to buy an island, sure, no one listens to him because apparently they think that kind of "hyperbole" doesn't need a response. The thing is though, Tony Stark actually can buy an island so he does and now the Avengers have an island that they can use as needed. Do they ever thank him for it? No. They don't even treat it as a learning experience for the next time he says something a little off beat but definitely right. So when Tony Stark says, "You know what Loki really needs is a Xanax," everyone except Steve ignores him. "Tony!" Steve says. If he had pearls, he'd be clutching them. "He is actually trying to destroy the world." "That's what I'm saying," Tony says as he loads a vial filled with green liquid into one of his wrist-guard missiles. "Does that sound like the action of a calm, rational, non-neurotic person to you?"

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

So gyzym wrote a bunch of Steve/Tony kidfics on tumblr, and I podficced them, because they're adorable and lovely and squee-ful and just so, so perfect. And then there were four more and I pounced on them!

Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.

Sometimes, you really can go home again.

The one in which all the Avengers are women.

Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.

“Show me,” Steve says, pressing his hip against the cool metal. "Is it as fast as it looks?”

Stephanie Rogers isn't happy to be in the 21st century, but she's even less thrilled to be on a team with Antonia Stark who seems as spoiled and self-centered as people come. She and Tony do their best to ignore each other, until their mutual insomnia (read: nightmares) causes them to bond over the new American pastime: late night television watching.

The future may be different, with electric lights and telegrams, but the world still needs the Avatar. The Avengers set in the world of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I really can't be more direct than that.

First time, Movieverse!Avengers, with Tony-fucking-Steve smutty ficlet thingy. Posted as-is before I ruin it over-thinking it, well, because.

Frigga is sure that her youngest son is not lost to her forever. He just needs one chance to prove that he can be saved, that he is worthy of being saved. Midgard was the making of Thor, perhaps that may be where some of the answers lie . . . there and in the heart of Jotunheim.

When the Avengers raid a very dubious scientific installation, they come across something they'd never expected to find. Their discovery turns out to be even more surprising than first suspected, and it leads the team - especially Steve and Tony - to some new and very undiscovered territory.

It's Fashion Week in New York and everyone who matters is here to judge and be judged. Clint's been steadfastly ignoring the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach all day. He adjusts the silvery gray jacket Tony had thrust at him earlier and smooths out an imaginary crease in his linen pants. Tony is an amazing artist, not just when it comes to fashion, but in everything he does. Clint has no doubt he'll be fine. But try telling Tony that today and you'll get hit. Hard.

Some nights, Steve still has trouble breathing.

Tony takes Steve (along with Phil, Clint and Thor) to look for America.

Companion Pieces to "In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family was Assigned by Nick Fury)" Sometimes I write foolish things (disclaimer: I always write foolish things) and sometimes there are lines, or actions, or interactions that only make sense to me. Because I have reasons for almost everything. And some part of me is waiting for someone to ask me about the bizarre little things I put in my stories. Occasionally, someone is dumb enough to do just that, and then I babble at them on my Tumblr (http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com). I BABBLE SO MUCH. This is a compilation of all the short stories of why characters react the way they do in my stories. Some are drabbles, some are character studies, some are short stories. Some are edited, some are stream of consciousness. All are foolishness. I like it that way. And I love answering questions. 8)

Everyone in their life has had a little case of hero worship. A tiny crush on a celebrity. A teenage infatuation. Dummy Stark-Rogers is not any different. And the Mars Rover Curiosity is a stunning piece of tech.

He's met Toni Stark. He's seen the best that this century has to offer, dolled up in impenetrable sunglasses and a lipstick-stained grin, and he knows that this world isn't going to save itself.

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

Choices: "Sylar's on a quest for powers, but Gerard just wants to help." You Know These Words (Like an Old Country Song): "Movieverse. The one where Clint Barton used to be a Hunter. A crossover of sorts with Supernatural." Spin and Rinse: "Set in the early van days, Brian forces the boys to stop at a laundromat."

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

When a second Tony Stark slips through from an alternate universe, Steve suddenly finds his hands very full.

Steve sang in the shower. Of course Steve sang in the shower; if Tony had been making a list of stereotypical, I-came-from-the-1940s, Boy Scout traits, singing in the shower would be at the top of the list.

"Tony Stark sometimes doesn't make the best choices with his health. Tony is usually bad at communicating. Steve usually doesn't end up in medical, but there are always exceptions. "Phil Coulson is the one who has to write up this nonsense, and he can't keep the Avengers out of medical."

Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School.

Fury's a beautiful princess. Clint's plotting a Communist revolution. Rhodey's not sexy. Wall-E's not a documentary. Clint's not gay but he does give a great blowjob. This fic is not an AU.

Stop the Presses: "Kavanagh gets his revenge. Written for the Documentary Challenge in SGA Flashfic. Posted January 2006." Sandcastles: "Home is what you make it." Golden Rule Days (Our Modern Family Belongs To Us): "How Kat Barton comes to realizes that her very large “family” maybe isn’t normal—but that’s what makes it awesome. Movieverse. Inspired by workerbee73’s Career Day, but it got out of hand. >_>" Momentum: "It doesn't matter who you are; eventually, everyone's past catches up to them."

A series of days in a new life. Captain Steven Rogers gets a little help adapting to the 21st century from Darcy and Wolverine, and Tony wonders when exactly he turned into the mature person in the room.

Coming home from a long business trip, Tony stumbles on Steve listening to Glenn Miller in the library.

Steve and Tony accidentally start a national do-gooders association and fall in love.

Twisted Gifted: Some gifts really need to be returned. Truths, Lies and the Tipping Point: The news report seems more interested in the argument between the team during the fight than the way they eventually won. And then it gets worse. Minions First: Technically, and she will use this contextually with the phrase "meet cute" in the future, the first time Darcy Lewis ever talked to Clint Barton was in a storage closet.

Snow is the beginner's substance of choice for all cave-ins and trapped-in-the-wilderness scenarios. Why couldn't it have been snow?

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

In a world where Sentinels, people with five heightened senses, bond mentally and spiritually with Guides, people gifted with empathetic powers, Tony Stark has spent thirty-three years overwhelmed by the emotions of those around him and running from his own. Sentinel Steve Rogers wakes up sixty years out of his own time and struggles to deal with the massive amount of new sensory input while trying to find his footing in a New York very different from the one he knew. When they finally find each other, how will their bond change them?

"The first time Steve meets Toni is about a week after he wakes up."

Steve is adapting well to the new millennium, and he has the dictionary to prove it.

When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right. That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

Tony isn't so much introducing Steve to twenty-first century sex as enabling him. Steve already knows what he wants.

Sometimes Tony Stark makes poor choices. Sometimes Tony pushes his teasing of Steve Rogers just a little too far. Sometimes Steve decides he's had enough. Phil Coulson's the one who's got to write this nonsense up, and he does not bake.

When Steve and Tony wake up to find that they've been captured, they assume things can't get any worse. They're wrong.

Every year I do a post of all the bits of fic I couldn't find a place for. Some stand alone pretty well; most are just starts I don't have the interest or energy to finish.

Weird and comfortable aren't mutually exclusive; Steve Rogers is going to do exactly what he wants this Christmas.

Now I’m imagining Steve offering to sleep with Tony so Iron Man doesn’t have to do it anymore.

He knows it’s not wartime anymore, but he can’t quite suppress the twinge of guilt he feels at measuring out two entire cups of white sugar.

"When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right. That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways."

The new element Tony created for his arc reactor core responds to his moods. Once the other Avengers move into the Tower they quickly figure out what all the colors mean. Except one – pink.