prompt 069. House/Wilson -- first time with a dildo.

Avatar Toph does not like the North Pole. AU.

In breaking news, surprising no one, Sharpy is a dick.

“He’s not telling us everything,” Fury reached out and shut the projection off, “I’m not comfortable with this.” Coulson didn’t respond, didn’t need to. “Let Rogers know I want Barton watched; he doesn’t go anywhere alone until we understand exactly what’s going on. I’m not losing him to some egotistical mind-f***ing blade-dancer who has mentor issues and wants to take it out on our asset.” Phil nodded efficiently. He couldn’t agree more.

"The first time Steve meets Toni is about a week after he wakes up."

Fighters and Sacrifices.

Mako still gives you tentacles. And how.

Riku didn't actually create this monster; Zack was just born like that.

He's not the Sephiroth Zack knew...and Zack is totally on-board with that.

People come to Waypoint for a reason.

Geno can't. Sidney won't.

"My name is Karkat Vantas," you say when the recording starts. "Imperial ID number 4136-1211-15201. I'm applying for status as a pail slave. I'm," you swallow hard to try to clear the lump from your throat, "I'm unfit for standard contribution due to abnormal hemotype, but I want to serve my Empire to the best of my ability. I understand the physical demands of the position and," your voice cracks, "I'm training to be better prepared for them. I swear to cooperate readily and faithfully with my assigned user. I surrender my body to Imperial custody. All hail Her Imperious Condescension, and all hail her glorious Empire."

One is a majorly kinky adult man in his prime, who got to go to nightclubs and met people and had one night stands and learned through trial and error, and is now fairly relaxed about his needs. The other is a teenager who thanks to the internet and his own reasoning has a lot of intellectual understanding and nothing else and zero real social experience, and the same needs and instincts and no outlet for them.

Their luck is running just about average.

Zack has the best worst ideas.

You wake up to the sound of rain thundering hard and heavy against the roof of your apartment building.

…a derek/stiles human AU where derek’s a lumberjack?

Steve spends a year on tour with a couple of dozen showgirls, and learns a thing or two.

Maybe they won the war? Maybe they just managed to slip through the Armada's defenses? Anyway humans land on Alternia. They find nothing but children and teenagers (some of them probably wondering why they haven't been conscripted yet and where the ships are, so technically about to be considered adults but not officially adult yet) Are the humans here to kill the mother grub? take control of it? do damage control now they've won and they're checking how the kids are being raised because sentient being rights and troll societal attitudes suck we're brainwashing them into a ~morally superior way of doing things? oh good lord this explains everything they're raised by animals, the internet and each other what really this is Lord of the Flies as a valid educational method -- WHAT happens to the orphans??? How much do the troll kids freak the fuck out seeing adult aliens? Do they try mounting a resistance? Do any humans adopt young orphans? what? Please no gore and no canon character death, but apart from that anything is welcome. OCs are good, so are age-tweaked canon characters.

A Lifetime and a Half: Written for the queer_fest prompt "Either Fred and George, Padma and Parvati or Lorcan and Lysander, How do you tell the person who's most like you in all the world that you want to be a member of the opposite sex?" Before You Cross the Street (Take My Hand): Episode tag for 2x06. Papa Stilinski isn't really that dick.

Tam Lin, if there was hockey, sad Geno, and Sidney Crosby.

AU. Danny just wants to meet his MMORPG BFF; she's not thrilled by the idea.

Fuyumi can read between the lines of Mako’s file. The justification for having Mako on the base is paper thin -- strings have been pulled and favours have been bartered, and somewhere along the line someone decided Fuyumi was the perfect combination of talent and expendability to be brought into this mess. It’s only slightly closer to a compliment than an insult -- the balance tipped by the child at the centre of this, nine years old and heart-breakingly brave. -- Scenes from the year after Stacker and Mako first meet.

Ahaha. Hahahahahaha. Okay dudes, you're gonna have to allow me a moment of modly...uh, ranting. Sort of. You guys. The original draft of this paragraph said, somewhat facetiously, "Fuck yes we work hard on this. This year we did it through fucking chronic migraines, viral pneumonia, a month of involuntary couchsurfing, and various personal crises." And [personal profile] cantarina emailed that to me the week BEFORE we encountered, between us: a family death, a several-days long electrical blackout, and a broken modem which removed all home internet access (and PS, it's still not back). Not to MENTION AO3 bugs, broken Python code, and new Twitter DM restrictions. (Actually, I'm lying to you. The original draft of the above paragraph originally said "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA #killme #bitchesbetterappreciate".) BASICALLY: your mods have had A Month. Or a few Months. Whatever. But you know what? If y'all will allow me to get sappy for a minute, you motherfuckers make all the work we do on this in the face of such adversity WORTH IT. Every year when Ca'rina and I get on Skype and talk to each other while we distribute gifts, and watch the squee pour in over our twitter feeds, we always say to each other, "jesus, THIS is why we do this, it makes it all worth it, wow." Because it does. So thank you thank you THANK YOU for being amazing, all of you, you literally give us the energy to continue to do this

"The thing is, Stiles has no interest whatsoever in going on a TV dating show. Deep down, in his heart of hearts - and publicly, to anyone who is foolish enough to bring up the topic - Stiles thinks it's kind of pathetic. Because it's all fake, for starters, like all "reality" TV is fake, but also he thinks the people who go on those shows are more interested in attention than love, so what's the point? It's like narcissistic masturbation with some television exhibitionism thrown in for good measure. And letting the entire nation - nay, the world - mock your lack of pick-up prowess? Noooo thank you."

There are things he doesn't remember. Some of which he knows.

"Canadian Tire reported the most important piece of sports journalism of the decade when they tracked down the guy who clearly spent his adolescence gently boning Jonathan Toews in a shack next to Lake Winnipeg, and that’s still not as great a story as the one I’m about to tell you about Eric Bittle and Jack Zimmermann.

Sidney’s wedding day doesn’t go quite as he’d planned. When he’d bothered to imagine it at all, he’d thought of a nice June wedding in Nova Scotia, outdoors with the sun streaming down. He hadn’t imagined this hurried affair on the tarmac on a rainy and unseasonably cool day in early September, a month after his twenty-fifth birthday.

They're not nice girls.

Sometimes, you listen to a podfic...and you love it....and it made your life better and more joyous for having listened to it... but then it comes time to leave feedback, and your brain freezes up. And with Amplificathon 2014 coming up in less than two weeks, you can feel free to multiply that brain freeze by a factor of ten.

-Through the Spines Unfurling (Five Things You Should Know About Cacti) - sweet nothings - Felt Such a Shaking - Again and Again and Again - #girlavenger, or How Natasha Trended on Twitter and Saved the World - Your Hand in Mine - Cause and Effect - The Queen of All the Living - A Small Cat - In a Place Like This - The Horror of Girls' Night - A Meeting In A Library - The Fandom Job: A Wank Report - 4 times Elliot saved them on a job +1 time they save him - Aiming For The Mark - It's All I Believe In - The One with the Bros - untitled Mad max Star wars fusion - the date - Positive Feedback (x2) - Pretence (sunfish) - 3 times Bitty baked for the Dallas Stars (x2) - keep saying yes - Growing Pains - Baby It's Cold Outside - The Room Where It Happens - Four Times Jack Failed at Flirting With Bittle (And One Time He Wasn't Terrible At It) - The Don’t Blame the Gorilla Job - Seven Things That Didn't Happen On Valentine's Day At Hogwarts, Or Maybe They Did - Scions - trade in these wings on some wheels - Undercover - Unicorn Bait - Blind Date - Ink for Yourself - In Focus - Half the World is Waiting - Close To Home

It's like this. I was warning folks that I hadn't yet watched the last handful of eppies for FMA, and that if anyone spoiled me, they'd have to die loud and painful. So of course people decided to "spoil" me. Like how, in ep 51, Roy gets his WINGS and Ed is stabbed with SCARY GREEN ICE STUFF, and Seifer CRIES. Yes. Yes, it's FF8. DIE, PEOPLE. *hearts*

The Seven-Headed Serpent is sent on loan to Hydra. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

The spider's web: She finds an innocuous corner in which to spin her web. The longer the web takes, the more fabulous its construction. She has no need to chase. She sits quietly, her patience a consummate force; she waits for her prey to come to her on their own, and then she ensnares them, injects them with venom, rendering them unable to escape. --- Donna Hope

Esther is the motherfucking queen of Persia and also better than you. Get ready to Megillah like it's 5776.

Vicki Vale has really, really poor timing.

"No one meant for Dove to be queen, but they all have to learn to deal with it."

Opening the Roads - He was a chuunin academy teacher, not a courtier trained in statecraft and diplomacy. Three Good Reasons - Dee and Ryo have serious discussions about serious things. Kind of.

FN-2187 was real, right?” She sounds very young again. “Please tell me he was real." "I'm real,” said Finn, who was on his first patrol since his back healed. “And my name’s Finn now.” Her eyes widened. “You have a name? * Or: The resistance is starting to get stormtrooper defectors. Finn helps them out.

This story starts, as many of the greatest stories in history do, with a talking frog.

"Shockingly, my skillset is somewhat more diverse than blowing shit up and pissing you off.” Or: the one where Tim gets inked up and it's the best idea he's ever had.

Mulan survives the avalanche, but the wrong people find her. Written for the Disney Kink Meme.

Tony Stark vs SHIELD, with paintballs

Phichit's phone buzzes. christophe-gc has posted a new photo, it tells him. When he thumbs the screen, it brightens to reveal a shot of Christophe Giacometti, lounging on a bench, wearing nothing but a Speedo and his skates. greetings from your local king of selfies, says the caption. Phichit doesn't actually know Chris - not personally. He has nothing to prove. But Phichit is also, categorically, a competitive little shit, and he knows he can do better. So it begins.

"The most notable holidays in the Resistance, ironically, aren't from a planet at all--or they were, but it's a planet that was turned to dust and nothing before Rey was even born."

“You mean to tell me you’ve never touched yourself.” Rey knows that there’s a great deal she doesn’t understand about the universe, but sometimes, compared to Finn, she feels utterly worldly. This is one of those times.

Finn is somewhat underprepared. Poe is only trying to help.

t's taken Poe a long time to get to where they are now, to accept this part of their identity. Poe has never been a boy, and so few people know it.

Hello and welcome to Dreamwidth Bubble: A Homestuck Fanhub! We are a community formed by fans of the webcomic Homestuck by Andrew Hussie over at http://www.mspaintadventures.com/. Every day well will host a different type of topic where we encourage participation and discussion. These can be anything from character discussions, to flash fiction, to ranting over your beloved OC’s! This is a place made by fans, for fans, and we simply ask that you encourage involvement and respect your fellow community bubblers!