Stiles is in the sparse woods on the slope beside Beacon Hills Cemetery, which wasn’t where Scott said he’d be at all, which is why it takes Derek an hour and a half to find him by following the grease-boy-whiskey scent of the Jeep’s meandering path.

You find teenagers like someone would find stray dogs. They’re lost and fucked up and can’t take care of themselves, no one ever having taught them how. No one ever taught you either, but better you than nobody.

He scowls and looks down to find a flimsy white box sitting on the welcome mat.

Things Stiles doesn’t like to deal with first thing: hot, moist dog breath on his face, a cuddly werewolf creepifying his perfectly normal morning wood with shades of bestiality, and his dad holding his service revolver against the skull of his bedmate, never mind the fact that his bedmate could possibly be a vicious unhinged rouge omega.

Come Now, We're Children (Let's Play A Game): He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one. Totally Not A Meet-Cute: "Gerard has had a crush on Train Guy for a while, but just going up and talking to him would be weird. He needs a reason, right?" In the Belly Of: "Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)" Turn Your Head: "Written for the genderplay square at kink_bingo's April 2012 "gift baskets" challenge." Apple Bottom Jeans (And Other Love Songs): "Or, how Steve Rogers--kind of--learns to dance."

When Derek finally realizes that there's nothing left for him in Beacon Hills, he goes back to New York, gets a life, falls in love and finds his home. (A podfic/fanfic collaboration)

Kink meme fill. Stiles knows he isn't attractive to gay guys or straight girls. He decides to check in with Derek on the straight dudes thing. Scott wants it known that his only problem with this is that he had to be there to hear it.

He's always hidden it. Them.

Stiles learns that even with werewolves, giant lizards and psychopathic hunters on the loose, life can still find other ways to screw with you. Case in point: everyone keeps assuming he and Derek are a couple. What the hell?

Gyzym's not!fics are addictive, I swear. So here are four more, kinda-sorta in the Bedtime Stories 'verse, but this time with bonus Teen Wolf! The titles are pretty self-explanatory, the links are to the texts on gyzym's tumblr, and I haven't linked to their individual downloads because that made the page really confusing - the files are clearly labelled, so if you don't want one, you can just delete it from the group folder.

"Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma." (Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

Stiles looks up. Slowly. “Holy shit,” he says. The tentacle is attached to more tentacles which are attached to a giant glowing squid thing. “That is not the droid we were looking for.”

There's a pattern Sheriff Stilinski just can't ignore.

Derek steps away from the window. “You helped me. They took that as a declaration."

Stiles does things. WHILE BISEXUAL.

"We had our own stories, though. Werewolf stories." Stiles takes an aimless couple steps forward, the curiosity in him a thing of kinetic energy. "Like what?" Stiles wants to try something; Derek isn't so sure it's a good idea.

Stiles doesn't notice the constant buzzing in his head until it's gone.

Gyzym's not!fics are addictive, I swear. So much so, in fact, that I've done... sixteen more XD Since there are so many of them, I've put streaming in for all of them on my LJ, and all sixteen can be downloaded from the link below. All are rated G except the one marked otherwise

"Dude," Jackson said, and Danny stopped what he was doing, because when Jackson started sentences with 'dude', he was either about to share something deeply personal or about to try and get them expelled for excessive pussy jokes, and Danny had problems with both of those options.

A college AU with strippers, crime bosses, and a mystery to solve.

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

For this prompt on the LJ Kinkmeme: Stiles leaves leaves a notebook of his at Derek's or in his car or whatevs, and Derek goes to take it to him and notices that it's filled with little hearts with Stiles+Derek, and Stiles Hale, and Derek Stilinski, and tons of doodles of little wolves.

He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one.

There was no good way to say it: sorry about your surprise sex swap and your nonconsensual werewolf bite also rearranged your butt plumbing and congratulations, I've probably destroyed your sex life forever were not exactly Hallmark sentiments.

--Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. --

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

When they cross the boundary into Hale territory, Stiles shifts a little in his sleep, shoulders hunching. Lydia's immunity carries over into most of the supernatural world: she can't be bitten, she can't be poisoned, and she's never been able to do magic on her own. Unlike Stiles, she can't feel the veil that separates Beacon Hills from the rest of the world. Sometimes she wonders if what happened before they left would have turned out differently if she'd undergone some transformative alchemy, but usually she tries not to think about it at all.

Natural Selection: "BEACON, also known as the Bureau of Enforcement, Armed Combat and Offensive Neutralization (it sure is offensive, Stiles thinks) has established the Avengers Initiative in order to, uh, fight crime. And rampaging alien hordes. And stuff....And somehow, in the middle of all this chaos, the Hulk and Iron Man find love." Kids From Yesterday (OR, Mohawks for Everyone): "Okay, this bandom family stuff is unreal. Who needs to make this shit up?"

“See? I need my daisy crown or I won’t get Chased.” Stiles frowned. “And then I’ll have to do it again next year. I really don’t want to do it twice.” The good and the bad of getting Caught this year included not having to do it again and the bad was he’d have a werewolf mate for the rest of his life. Stiles is seventeen. He has a lot of life to live. Unless his wolfy mate has no sense of humor or a temper. Those with no sense of humor and tempers tended to hate Stiles the most and wouldn’t that suck? Being tied to someone for the rest of his life who hates him. That actually sounds like his type of luck. “You’ll be fine.” Allison beams because she’s a sweet person and can obviously read Stiles like a picture book aimed at toddlers. Aconitum: She weaves wolfsbane in her hair to throw off the scent, but the underlying smell of mate and mine is still there. Based off of hoars' fic Festival of Red and basically me just wanting to see more Pyida interaction.

"Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma." (Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

Derek's a dressage rider with a reputation for frowning and making people cry. Stiles is an acrobatic stunt rider whose resume includes medieval-themed dinner shows and the actual circus. Derek's an Olympian, he doesn't need this shit.

Derek's expecting the new guy. He's expecting another mostly-useless college kid who doesn't know one end of a horse from the other, and Derek doesn't have the time to babysit. What he's not expecting is Stiles Stilinski, who carries on conversations with the livestock and gets maybe a little too chummy with Isaac and is really kind of stupidly perfect in every way. And it's just distracting, that's all.

"Watching Stiles heal someone has always been a little uncomfortable for Derek, like he's seeing something intimate and private that shouldn't have an audience. That's nothing compared to how it feels." This is an AU in which Stiles has magical healing powers.

It’s like this dog has walked out of all of Stiles’ childhood dreams and into the real world just because Stiles wanted it hard enough. He is the most awesome dog ever, and Stiles and his new dog totally have a bond. A deep, unbreakable bond because this dog is his spirit animal, obviously. Now he just has to convince the dog of that.

Derek doesn’t get why he likes it so much. It’s just not -- he hadn’t expected to need this. Not from Stiles. Not from anyone, ever. He doesn’t do this. Except he does, now. Because it’s for Stiles, and Derek -- fuck, he likes it too.

Stiles gets a massage. And then some. Alternatively: in which Stiles' mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.

Danny is not anybody’s gay yoda. He’d like to make that much clear.

Derek and Stiles go hunting. Kind of.

Sheriff Stilinski has finally figured out the cause of the rift between them: his son's gay, and he's effectively cut that line of communication. Being the good father that he is, he tries to make sure Stiles knows that he can tell him anything, especially about Derek Hale. Their wires seem to have gotten crossed somewhere.

"Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified."

Three times Derek caught Stiles jerking off in the Jeep on the Preserve.

"Does it change you, being turned?" Patrick asks. "I mean, obviously the physical stuff, but does it change who you are?" Erica takes off her helmet, then leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "It depends on how much the physical stuff makes you who you are, I guess."

Stiles gets a proposal. Derek doesn't punctuate like normal people.

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

Danny is bruised. Their werewolf drama has officially bruised Danny. This is the worst day ever.

It's one thing to attract the attention of the alpha pack moving in on Beacon Hills, but when Stiles' magic reveals he's not just the resident magic user in town, he realizes there might be more to the Little Red nickname he's adopted as his own.

With the Alpha Pack closing in, Stiles is thrust into the center of an unusual three-way alliance between Hunters, werewolves, and little old him. Injecting himself between all sides in a war far beyond his skill has far reaching consequences for Stiles, but it might be just what he needs to gain the courage to get what he wants.

Stiles doesn't actually mean to become Beacon Hills High's go-to guy for free condoms and sex advice. It just happens.