Zoro gets lost, Sanji gets captured by the marines, the Strawhats break into the ship's prison, and they all escape with a bang. Not exactly in that order, much to the confusion of Sanji's cellmates.

The best thing about “trade negotiations” is that no one is ever likely interrupt them.

The problem is that you’re at the mercy of a useless, outmoded, ass-backwards mess of a biological process. The drones are gone. They’re never coming again. But your body sure thinks they are. It was— You wouldn’t say it was fine, but it was at least tolerable for a while. Realistically speaking, there was always a reasonable (ninety-nine percent) chance that you’d be culled the first time you tried to supply the drones with a pail, and you’ve been bracing yourself to deal with this since you pupated, for fuck’s sake. It feels like a kick to the shame gloves when your body betrays you and decides, whoops, no, it’s time to be all about filling pails for the glory of the empire.

Karkat accidentally stumbles across Sollux's nookworm, and...well, he's always wanted to try one, so why the fuck not? A drabble based on two wonderful pieces of art by Syblatortue!

Something strange happened to Wade. Well, something strange always happens to Wade. But this type of strange involves an alien ray, Wanda (aka Lady Deadpool), and some slight errors with his regeneration in another universe. Luckily, the Merc with the Mouth has an Ultimate Amazing boyfriend and a newly adopted sister/doppelganger to help him through. Or Deadpool is atomized, and comes back home with lady parts.

Zoro is confident in saying that Sanji is a man who doesn’t do what he’s told. Which is why, when a command accidentally slips from Zoro’s lips during foreplay, he is expecting to hear the cook’s scoff as he continues to do what he pleases.

From the other end of the ship, panting as though he has run from the depths of his workshop, Usopp is the next to let out a scream: “Why is there a SHARK ON THE DECK!?”

The thing is. People always assume it’s Yuuri who’s the submissive one. They’re completely wrong, all of them. “Victor,” Yuuri murmurs. “What did you do, nights before a big competition? You never got nervous energy you couldn’t work off?” “Well,” Victor says like he’s considering. “To tell you the truth, times like that, I would mostly jerk off," and that's enough to give Yuuri some ideas.

Sanji laughed, a short, raspy bark of amusement. "Come on, geezer, you know guys like me and the marimo-head don't see a ripe old age. We live well, grab our dreams, hold tight and die hard at the age of thirty-five. Forty if we're lucky."

Zeff grinned when he saw Zoro pawing at the noose around his neck. "The dress-code's the downside of working in the service industry, kid."

"Mikoshiba hadn't realized why his mouth had gone dry the first time he’d seen Mayu flip and pin an opponent to the mat in a single motion, but he'd gotten there eventually. The only thing better than watching Mayu fight was when Mayu spared some of that energy on him, pushing him flat against some surface with a sudden gleam in his eye."

"Viktor." "Hm?" "Choke me."

"You kissed me in front of thousands of people." Viktor laughs, masking behind a gasp when Yuuri's grip on his hair turns deathly. "I did. I was so proud of you. You did so good." He pauses, relishing in the nervous tremble of Yuuri's shoulders. "We're in a bathroom, you know. You want everyone to see what you did to me?" "Maybe."

ib a post on tumblr: yeah power bottom viktor is nice but what about loud needy bottom viktor who can't shut his moans no matter how hard he tries because yuuri fucks him just too good and he just lets yuuri do everything

"Mikoshiba’s flushed all over his face, the blush bleeding down over the edge of collarbone Nozaki can see above the edge of the sailor uniform, but that’s not really the important part right now." Mikoshiba models an outfit for Nozaki, and they both get distracted.

Just because Iron Man is the only guide who can actually pull Bucky and Steve out of a zone, doesn't mean that Tony has to tell them who he is.

Tim has a thing for buying sex toys (in bulk, Jason suspects) and Jason is constantly putting his foot in his mouth about what things his lover likes.

Figure skaters are such crybabies.

Yuri Plisetsky has been waiting three years to finally have sex with his boyfriend. Viktor, of course, ruins it all.

Nate just wants Sid to be hurt and vulnerable around him. No, hold on, that came out wrong.

Some people get mean when they drink. Some people get quiet, or loud, or weepy. Sid gets… well.

Keith thinks he's about to get rickrolled. Keith is mistaken. When he opens the email, all it says is Saw this and thought of you, happy birthday buddy, followed by a link to a video hosted on a Google drive. Keith gives it a long look, weighing suspicion against curiosity, the fact that he knows the sender of the email against the fact that he knows the sender, and then shrugs suspicion aside. He's probably about to get rickrolled, but whatever. He clicks the link. It's not a rickroll.

Their first time is messy and awkward, fumbling attempts in the dark with laughter pressed against heated skin. Tsuna doesn’t know what to do with his hands, is so nervous he can’t seem to get hard at all, and Kyoko keeps giggling so hard she accidentally kicks him in the face. They don’t fare much better the second time, or the third. They always seem a step out of beat, never quite lining up, always missing each other. Tsuna always feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin, like there’s something in his gut that’s trying to claw out. He keeps expecting his flames to burst out at any second. After a while he realises he’s so used to fighting his body is wired to it as soon as the adrenaline rush hits. And Kyoko is an adrenaline rush.

It took Xanxus two years to bring himself to Japan to visit Hibari instead of waiting for Hibari to come and visit him in Italy. Two years and the realization that he wanted more from their relationship than spontaneous visits that began with destructive fights and ended with them bloodied in bed. Once there, things that have been developing over time finally, finally, come to fruition.

“You get either one more complaint or one more kiss before I gag you,” Shōta interrupts. “Choose wisely.”

Kirishima might not be first in the class but he's way smarter than to take Bakugou at his word about exactly what he's ready for during his next heat.

It's Wufei's birthday, and Duo isn't home, but he has planned something to keep Wufei busy. For The Gundam Wing Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2017.

Ryan and Shane have been together for months now, but somehow a little detail about Shane escaped Ryan. And so they decide to make up for it.

Ryan wants to experiment. Shane is more than happy to comply.

Otabek won silver at Worlds. Yuri was going win gold at fucking doming. (Fuck his brain and its fucking innuendos.)

“You want me to what?” Hidan demands. “Meet my team,” Asuma repeats patiently, like that’s going to magically change it into a good idea.

It should probably be more of a surprise than it is for Iruka to find his lover of fourteen months shivering on his doorstep, the blond little boy that Konoha has been searching so desperately for clutched in his arms.

Padmé, Anakin, and Obi-Wan are dating. For some reason, the media doesn't know what to make of it. Featuring Ahsoka's Snapchat, Anakin's band The Sith Lords, Satine's talk show, and Quinlan and Luminara starring in Generic Action Hero: European City.

Short fics originally posted to my Tumblr, edited and collected here.

Four people who knew Steven and Andrew were married, and everyone who didn't.

Raphael sat on the living room chair, the cup of tea Magnus had practically forced on him balanced on his knee, while Magnus himself was slouched on the sofa, laughing. "You," he wheezed in between hysterical fits of giggles, "are going to propose? To Simon?" Raphael pursed his lips, praying for strength from anyone.

After the events with Deucalion and Jennifer Blake, Derek goes on a search for his biological family. He, Stiles, and Cora head to New York City to try to find the family he doesn’t remember. It turns out that there was a lot to his adoption that he never knew.

"Specs has the spare," Noct breathes, and Prompto, eyes wide with terror, vaults off him and to the other corner of the couch. He yanks the throw blanket off the couch's back and onto his lap, not an instant too soon. Because the door clicks open and then there's Ignis, toeing off his shoes and stepping into the entryway. "Good evening," he says, pleasant and mild. "Hey," Noct answers, pretending at indifference. "Hi," squeaks Prompto, face a remarkable shade of red.

“What is that,” Obito says flatly. “It is a cactus,” Gaara says, like that’s the only question here. Deftly, with an air of ceremony, he sets the pot in Obito's hands, and then tells him, “It reminded me of you.”

To be fair, part of it was Simone helping them communicate, setting them up, or, as she likes to tell it, “getting you to stop being dumbasses about each other.”

Alistair asks Zevran about his Crow training, and Zevran reveals more than he thought he would...

Dark eyes catch his from across the room and Nie Huaisang pauses as Jiang Cheng spreads an arm across the back of the couch he occupies alone, idly swirling his drink in his other hand. The lush fabric of the sofa looks almost magenta in this light and plays beautifully off the deep purple and sharp lines of Jiang Cheng’s suit, making him a splash of vibrancy in a room otherwise dominated by boring blacks and muted tones. The sofa is also the sole piece of furniture in the room, besides the bar and the high tables. The message is unmistakable: this is Jiang territory, and everyone else is a visitor. Receptions are good for seeing and being seen, and Nie Huaisang likes what he sees at this one.

"Do we need to come up with rules?" Jin Ling asks. "What, like a point system? A bunch of categories for touches based on difficulty? A—" "No," Jin Ling starts, raising his voice to interrupt Jingyi, "I meant, are there rewards or punishments if he guesses right or wrong? Or if we fuck up?" "Let's just see how this goes," Sizhui says. "We can adjust later if we want. Alright with you, Zizhen?" "Uh-huh." Zizhen is just thinking about touching, in general. (the other juniors blindfold Zizhen and he has to guess who is touching him)

Song Lan follows Xiao Xingchen's lead on a new and mildly innovative way of dealing with the Xue Yang-shaped problem in their lives.

"You can't be serious," Xiao Zhan says. "Zhan-ge," Yibo cajoles, brandishing his PS4 controller and patting the couch next to him. "Just give me like, two minutes. I promise. I swear. I just gotta be online for this drop."

It's been months since Jiang Cheng has last seen his lovers. To make up for it, he comes to Qinghe bearing a gift.

What's a little breaking and entering, between a person and their absolute object of affection? And who would take a gift horse in the mouth by walking away when the opportunity presents itself so beautifully, so perfectly, so temptingly, so- you get the idea. Or do you?

He didn’t know until this moment just how much he wanted Mingjue to ask for it—for anything—to take the reins Huaisang has been holding out for so long and pull them tight and demand.

[“I just—“ Zuko begins, cuts himself off, opens his mouth to try again. Nothing comes out, and Sokka gives him a full-body squeeze to encourage him. “Maybe next time, you could, uh…” “Yes?” Rushing him does nothing but make him shut down, Sokka’s learned the hard way. Patience isn’t something that comes naturally, but it’s something that he’s learning, just like Zuko’s slowly learning to communicate. “Maybe next time, I want you to, uh, hold me down.”] Or, Zuko learns to use his words.

Two gremlins, their husbands, and the horrible HOA board. As long as nobody gets arrested for arson or murder, we're gonna call it a win.