He was a chuunin academy teacher, not a courtier trained in statecraft and diplomacy.

It said something about Gai that Iruka was actually unsure whether that was a line.

In which Konoha needs to upgrade their plumbing to be more resistant. (Or, the one where Sasuke and Naruto get genin and maybe someone buys a house.)

“Sit down,” the doctor said. He took blood, three vials filling up dark red. “Any medical conditions?” “No,” Dom said, and then his mouth kept going and said, “What if I want to volunteer for bonding?” The doctor peered at him over the glasses. “Do you want to volunteer for bonding?” It hung in the air. Dom felt it like a noose around his throat, squeezing. Twenty-five to life. “Yeah,” he said.

“We going to get somewhere anytime soon?” Dom said. Brian was staring out the windshield. “Do you trust me?” “What the fuck kind of question is that?” Dom said. “If you say yes, I’m going to take you on the worst fucking ride of your life,” Brian said. “Do you trust me?”

“Are you kidding me, O’Conner?” Brian had the nerve to glare at him. “I’m not doing it on fucking purpose!” “For Christ’s sake,” Dom said. “Fuck you, Toretto, you’re the one who drove us between skyscrapers,” Brian said.

Arya Stark is his best friend, and she has never wanted to be treated like a lady. But sometimes Gendry forgets.

15 texts that were never sent in Westeros.

Sansa knows, standing on the steps of the Great Sept, staring into Joffrey's triumphant eyes, the blood her father soaking the stones and all the Lannisters' beautiful promises ringing in her ears, that Starks have always been the best liars.

Catelyn Stark leaves King's Landing telling even her old friend Petyr Baelish that she is taking her daughters back to Winterfell. Instead she takes them, without telling Ned, to Dorne because if anyone will believe a tale of Lannister treachery it will be the Martells of Dorne. She realizes, as she reaches the gates of Sunspear, that she is really no better than her father was all those years ago.

When King Robert shares plans to make Sansa Stark his mistress when she comes of age, Ned Stark defies the king and sends both of his daughters to Dorne--Sansa married to Prince Oberyn, Arya betrothed to Prince Trystane. Over the course of years, a plot begins to take shape to rid the royal family of some of the wickedness that has set in like rot.

“Dorne,” the woman whispers softly, “does not take orders from this boy king.”

Tywin Lannister died without any other heir than Tyrion Lannister and his young wife Sansa, and rather than continue the mad fighting in Westeros Tyrion severed all ties and declared Casterly Rock neutral until a single King sat unquestioned on the Iron Throne. The fighting still continues, but House Lannister now takes in war orphans who are raised by Lady Sansa--it is this custom that first draws Daenerys Targaryen to Casterly Rock.

This is literally like a history essay because I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.

Prince Doran does more than keep the Marcher Lords at bay in exchange for Myrcella Baratheon's hand for his son Prince Trystane--he sends an army to defend King's Landing, and in the same stroke take every scrap of glory from Tywin Lannister and every scrap of power from Queen Cersei.

In an unguarded moment, Oberyn asks if Sansa's parents ever gave one another surprise gifts. For the first time in a long time, Sansa remembers her family when they were whole and happy. In the "For Fear Tonight is All" universe.

Cloud's kind of a dork and so is Sephiroth and they keep on having late night showers together, and it should be weird and awkward (like puberty) but it isn't. There's also a pillow fight.

Orochimaru is on the edge of breaking when someone unexpected pulls him back to solid ground. When the time comes, he returns the favor.

With the Kyuubi’s help, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke have successfully landed in the past, armed with a completely fleshed-out plan to get rid of the bad guys and save the world. (Again.) The only problem? When it comes to the transmigration of souls and time-travel jutsus done under the influence, Kurama has absolutely, incredibly terrible aim.

Naruto isn’t the only one in the village to earn the title “monster”. At the age of six, he meets a collared Orochimaru and makes a most unlikely ally.

And with his fingers pressing inside of him and his cock brushing against the sheets and his face in the leather that smelled like Derek, he felt pathetic and desperate all at once. He knew that if he ever got the chance (the opportunity) to be with Derek that he’d ask him to fuck him within half a second. He wanted the older man inside of him and around him and all over him until his senses were so consumed that he was completely senseless. or The five times Stiles fingered himself and the one time Derek did it for him.

Winona is called to fix the cock-up of the Yorktown's engines. She uses one of the science-bitches to help her do it.

"The Story of Steve 'Walking PR Nightmare' Rogers, and How For a Short While He Single-Handedly Destroyed the Emotional Health of Eva Laura Ortiz, His Now Ex-Publicist"

Missing scene for the Iron Man 3 movie climax. (I actually wrote this immediately after seeing the movie last year, then completely forgot about it, and just found it again this morning. So here, have some Pepper!)

Suddenly Caine and Jupiter seemed closer again at her house. So I think this may have been what happened, post wedding rescue. Short oneshot.

The newspapers call her Iron Man. Which is kind of her own fault. She would have put tit plating on the suit, but one good smack to the sternum and all her ribs would collapse. Since the first time she’d made it she’d been very concerned about gunfire, letting the world know she was a grown fucking woman with tits to match hadn’t actually been on her mind.

From this prompt by reena_jenkins: Angie/Peggy WW2 AU, where Peggy is still with the SSR but Angie achieves her dream of stardom by way of being a USO Girl in Steve's show? And there's COMPETENCE KINK. (I didn't hit the competence kink, alas.)

A Point Break/The Fast and the Furious crossover romance with a sexuality crisis, surfing, a vaguely self-insertish OFC, and lots of beer and sex. Johnny Utah/Brian O'Conner.

They're not nice girls.

"There's a tiny scrap of a woman leaning against the wall near her. Jo's been too focused on the lack of readings, senses dulled by the white noise of the crowd. She curses herself silently."

"Nicholas J. Fury vs. SHIELD bureaucracy."

"Mulan is the leader of C.R.O.W.N.'s best team, Team Disney. They are assigned to take down a criminal syndicate known as the Villains, but is everything as it seems? Written to celebrate the casting of Ming-Na (the voice actor in the Disney Mulan movie) in the S.H.I.E.L.D. television show."

Michael and Ryan talk about what might have been for their characters.

"I hate him." Dick snorts from his seat on the sofa. "You can't hate him, Jay, you've never even met him." "I can and I do," Jason insists, slapping the magazine he's been holding down onto the counter. "Food & Wine thinks he's better than me! Look!"

Her favorite stories are of the master waterbender and the greatest earthbender on the planet.

Seven days in the life of Ryo, Dee and a half-finished apartment.

"Sid learns how to skate on air."

A wicked smile slowly spreads across Kent’s face, and he turns to Jack. “What do you say, should I show your boy how to make you cry?”

Tumblr prompt: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AS OUTER-SPACE 'LEVERAGE'

"How does someone go from tracking an unknown target to diving to certain death through an impassible hurricane in order to save them? Maybe it goes a bit like this: a few death-defying feats of bravery, a fair bit of flirtation, a whole boatload of social awkwardness, a generous spoonful of sexual attraction. Mix with jokes, touching, taking care of each other, and trust. Season liberally with the spice of the forbidden and some good old-fashioned hormones, and add just a dash of where have you been all my life. Maybe it's not a recipe for true love- but what a way to start. Or: Caine Wise, from first rescue to last."

Alistair thought he had found his place in the world when he joined the Grey Wardens. But the battle of Ostagar changed that world, and as Alistair follows the only other surviving Grey Warden through a country being torn apart by both Blight and civil war, he finds his ideas about his place and his self changing, too. Particularly when he falls quite spectacularly in love.

In a world where the first words your soulmate will say to you appear on your left wrist at your tenth birthday, Peter gets the short end of the stick.

"Five lone wolves do not make a pack. Unless they do."

Five times Angie heard noises coming from Peggy's apartment and the one time she caused them.

Peggy Carter is a bundle of knives shaped like a woman, and that's what Angie likes best about her

As Peggy quite suddenly learned, Howard was not exactly clear about all the things Jarvis was prepared to do for her.

"The one where American-born, Russian based swimmer Bucky Barnes is Steve Roger's number one rival for Olympic gold. In which Steve and Bucky are good friends despite the media's attempt at rivalry beat up and Steve has a lot of feelings."

They send Azrael to fetch him because he will not listen to anyone else. “Brother,” Azrael says. “It is time to come home. Your vessel is ready to be claimed.” The being that calls himself Eliot Spencer turns to the Angel of Death and replies, “I’m busy; already got some plans. Come back later.” That is the first attempt, but nowhere near the last. [AU during season 5 of Supernatural]

"Caine's a good dog, yes he is."

A job goes south, and Eliot has no sense of humor when it comes to his team and Death.