A somewhat fictionalised account of my characters' attempts to find love in the computer game Dragon Age: Origins and how it all went horribly wrong. Humour.

Various characters have problems in or concerns about their relationships/sex lives, which they write to an advice columnist about.

BOB IN SPACE: "Bob really hated it when aliens tried to eat his team." untitled sga/bandom ficlet: "For seven days after he arrives in Atlantis, Ryan doesn't say a word to anyone." Otherworldly Experiences: "Four times Mikey ended up in the Pegasus galaxy." Like Souls That Balance Joy And Pain: "Eugene is, quite literally, tangled." All The Days We Never Lived: "Five ways that Tangled didn't end." Hell Yeah I'm the Motherfucking Princess: "Gerard is a pretty pretty princess, but a very sad one, because his parents except him to marry a prince and all the princes suck! So his only joy comes from visiting Mikey, who is accidentally a dragon, and drawing. Until one day, Frank enters his life! And suddenly, both Gerard's life and the diversionary ruffles on his pants have meaning." Blueprints For Building Better Boys: ""Eight years ago," Amanda begins, "Dr. Monae and myself began work on the ArchAndroid project. By the time they were ready, we'd designed and tested everything, right down to the cybernetics and the synthetic organs. Two months ago, we switched them on for the first time." Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey are the ArchAndroids. Frank's got a faulty personality circuit, Gerard's primary memory chip is kind of temperamental, there's a bug somewhere in Mikey's speech protocol, and Ray's anger response lags like a motherfucker. They're also the world's most potty-mouthed robots, although with any luck there won't be any occasion for the world's press to find out about that." The Winner Takes It All: "It's Decaydance Stage-Gay Chicken. Let's play."

Somewhere, there is a City where all myths and legends mix and stand on street corners to wait for the bus. Where skyscrapers hold secrets and the sirens desperately attempt to tell the truth via local cable. Any story can meet another, even ones that are real.

AO3 port of Brainbent, a reader-driven Homestuck AU on Tumblr. Warning for mental illness themes. Major updating in progress as I move the story posts here from Tumblr for an easier archive bingeing experience.

Gyzym's not!fics are addictive, I swear. So much so, in fact, that I've done... sixteen more XD Since there are so many of them, I've put streaming in for all of them on my LJ, and all sixteen can be downloaded from the link below. All are rated G except the one marked otherwise

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

It was a vague feeling; nothing concrete, nothing he could put a name to, just an uncomfortable sensation scratching low at the base of his brain.

If Kirk was a maths genius, and never took Pike up on the dare to do better, but still managed to get to Starfleet? This is what that would look like.

Drabbles inspired by the Texts From Last Night website.

SHIP EVERYTHING THAT MOVES! ...AND THE STUFF THAT DOESNT MOVE!

15 texts that were never sent in Westeros.

"The princesses discuss their sex lives over tea and scones."

My MCU fanart. And to challenge myself, I'm writing a ficlet to go with every single piece.

The 'verse in which Steve used to be a sex worker, Steve and Bucky have always been polyamorous bisexuals, the Barbershop Quartet OT4 is an actual open-poly quartet, and Steve cycles through all the Avengers (except you, Tony.)

Supplemental material for the multi-chaptered Davekat fic Within, Without Please access this only through links from the main fic! I'm also not going to tag relationships or characters or anything else for this in an effort to avoid clogging up tags. I'll just be tagging for triggers.

"A series of awkward situations in which her friends discover Kel has been...intimate with someone. Being as nosy as they are, they then proceed to embarrass her on their quest to discover who has "conquered" the unconquerable lady knight."

A podfic of "Dance With Me Tonight" by SecondStarOnTheLeft. "Arianne and Edmure’s wedding is the event of the decade, at least within their specific social circle, and everyone who is anyone is invited. Which means an absurd number of nephews, nieces, cousins, friends and assorted hangers-on, of course. (Otherwise known as "I can too write fluff")"

Semi-related to my feelings about the combine: I snicker every time sports writers talk about a team "topping" or "edging" or "knotting" another team (because I am twelve), but it's those stories about how you can "ruin" a young player that make me think dirty things. Like, obviously letting your whole team gangbang your rookie will ruin him. So you have to pair each rookie up with an older, more experienced player as a mentor (Kaner with Sharpy, AGally with Prust, etc). Because, especially for the highly ranked rookies, it’s a lot of pressure, they can get wound too tight, so they need to be put on their knees regularly by someone they trust. The Bruins didn’t do that for Segs, they let anyone fuck him, and look what happened. The Stars put him with Jamie over the summer and it settles him right down.

So, I wrote some Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn porn based on this amazing post by [personal profile] sinsense about the universe she and others had created where promising rookies in the NHL were assigned an older player to ~kneel~ for as a training measure. GO READ THAT POST it is amazing if you're into that sort of thing.

A collection of ficlet-like rambles and other HP-centric stuff from my tumblr. Ficlet-Ramble #1: Seventh-Year will put Your Name in GOF for a Sickle You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you're going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

Rule number one: Never take your eyes off the Mist. The Tenth is the only reason it works, and that's because Tsuna doesn't know how to give up on anything. Or anyone. And when it's the Tenth asking, somehow everyone just seems to end up going along with it one way or another in the end.

A collection of short stories depicting new versions of old myths. OR: What happens to Icarus after he fell, Hermes and Hestia meddle and save humanity, and Hades would just like a nap.

In which Ryuji valiantly pretends he's not bi and none of his friends are hot.

au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home

Stannis Baratheon flowers as an omega after the end of Storm End's siege, what will it mean for Westeros?

The Untamed + I want a baby meme

Possibly some of these will become longer, but not yet. Currently featuring (among others): - child!Jin Ling gets himself kidnapped by a well-meaning Wen Ning - truth serum trope - Nie Huaisang steals the Ghost General - Nie sect adopts the Yiling Patriarch - a variety of arranged marriages - crossover (Leverage, Naruto, Legends of Tomorrow) - dragons dragons everywhere - unintentional black widow WWX - Jiang Cheng is thrown into the burial mounds - NHS wields a fan as a weapon - JC interferes with the events on the Qiongqi Path - Lan Sizhui is Wen Ruohan's son and meets him unknowingly - WWX is named chief cultivator - Jiang Yanli's spirit responds to Lan Wangji's constant playing of Inquiry - WWX & LWJ locked away behind the Wall - LWJ stays in the burial mounds but it affects him - JC does impossible things

MDZS ships, and a headcanon for each one

a version of the nhl where every rookie that makes the show is a virgin (though this is pretty variable), and every team has a couple of guys whose job on top of hockey is to fuck the rookie on camera. videos are passed on to every team captain because the captain of a winning team gets to choose a player from the losing team to fuck (or bestow upon another player on their team to fuck). as such, this series contains somewhat dubious consent inherent to the premise.

I already have the post with Young Justice verse Jason & Damian comic strips where all my fluffy stuff goes, so this is where most of my horny bottom Jason art goes.

This is a collection of my 2021 Kinktober works. As the tags say, this is just fanart, no fics. The first chapter works as an overview for the prompts as well as the CW and pairings.

A performance of "Who Would Say No?" written by snafsnaf. Author's summary: How can a heroine be an Austen heroine if she doesn't turn down a marriage proposal? To the tune of the Christmas Carol, "Up on the Housetop."

Normally, she wouldn’t be here—there was flimsiwork to be done, wounded to visit, and loved ones to write letters to explaining the deaths of their sisters, but after she had limped onto the transport that was bound off the battlefield and back to the Endurance, Ponds, also one of the last off the field, laying eyes on her for the first time in days after they’d separated for the battle, had taken one look at her and firmly told her that she needed a break. Mace hadn’t had the energy to argue—Ponds, when convinced of something, was quietly stubborn to the end. So Mace had gone through a list of places she could quietly retreat to on Coruscant that weren’t close enough to the Temple for anyone to recognize her out of Jedi robes, and had ended up picking the Moonlight on a half remembered memory. Series

“It has to be earth,” a voice says, insistent, and A'Sharad pauses before he can round the corner, faintly surprised.