Love advice with Canadians: the clueless leading the clueless who is in love with clueless.

“I think Bond’s trying to be your friend,” Eve tells him. “…well,” Q says slowly, “this is a new and disturbing development.”

Karkat introduces Dave to some of his quality literature; Dave is more ok with this than he expected to be.

It was so much easier to be celibate when you were dead.

First snippet, for asukaskerian. Hell yes, I will write the cuddly after-porn bit for these two! Unf. I am picturing them probably in similar circumstances here as in Asuka’s Uniform Kink pesterlog. :3

What if the universes collided and a bunch of Steves ran into each other. And for whatever reason, they all had sex. As one does when meeting several of your alternate universe versions.

"Once there were two hockey players. One had great hair. One had a lot of brothers. This is their story." Or, Kris Letang gets a hug and Marc Staal meets a nice boy. Inspired by Morning to Wake You

I've been calling this The Sexual Misadventures of Sidney Crosby forever, and that gives you an idea, but just in case: in which Sidney wins a gold medal, has sex (a lot), falls in love (twice), and breaks a bunch of rules.

“Write what you know” was good enough advice for Jo March, so it’s good enough for Patrick Kane.

Kaner wakes up soulbonded to Tazer. Then gay shit happens.

In which the gay bar is Stalberg's idea and Kaner doesn't notice Jon pretending to be his boyfriend.

I had a whole sass machine introduction to this post, except I wrote it in July, back when I started this primer and jokes about Evan Lysacek and the World Cup were still fresh to death. Then I sort of stopped working on it, until certain people issued A CHALLENGE to me to finish it, and I think we all know that I don't back down from a challenge. So hide your eyes, it's a Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews primer.

In which all of Gamzee's complicated relationships, with his lusus, with sopor and with Karkat, come to a head.

Ask Sober!Gamzee

"Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma." (Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

Kanaya's lusus had taught her, early on, how to prepare a body.

Bucky is found by SHIELD. Tony wants a project. They meet somewhere in the middle.

'There's a whole other story, about that, a girl with mirrors over her eyes and a man who was scared to care about anything.'

TROLL XENOLINGUISTICS SITE!!!!!

In which Rose inadvertently starts the first inter-dimensional chapter of Stitch and Bitch, and courts Kanaya through crafts.

Sollux Captor, recently drafted into the Service of Her Imperious Condescension, discovers a secret community of Helmsmen hidden inside the Imperial communications network. Meanwhile on Alternia, Karkat Vantas is up to his goddamn nook in revolution.

John and Karkat find themselves on opposite ends of the universe after the game.

"We should check on Prospit," Jane says, one week into your probably pointless run through the gas-and-zombies weirdness that Sburb turned out to be.

CG: HARLEY, WHEN I SAID THAT I WOULD RATHER CULL MYSELF WITH THE DULL END OF A SCALEMATE BEFORE I EVER GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO RECOIL IN ABJECT REVULSION BEFORE MY HIDEOUS VISAGE CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW BE AMENABLE TO INSTEAD PERFORMING A DAPPER SHOW AND TELL ROUTINE?

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

There is silence on the other end of the connection.

House sorting under here I will fight you

Flash first sees them when Parker is at his locker one morning. Just peeking out of the cuff of one of the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Bruises, mottled and bluish-black, like Parker's been in a fight.

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

my results

Yes, I know, another title test seems pretty redundant at this point. A lot of people enjoy thepageofhopes’s Homestuck Title Test, and they have good reason to! It’s very well thought-out and quite consistent. But since the creation of that test, new information has been revealed in the comic itself that calls into question some of the assumptions made, and of course, there’s always the sticky situation of fanon titles. I wanted to take a title test that adhered to what we know of canon Classpects as strictly as possible while still basing its analysis in valid psychological assessments. And then I thought, well, I’m kind of a hobbyist psychologist, so…

Someone demanded human/troll kismeses having anal sex, with those headcanons: #1 Since trolls have nooks, anal sex is regarded as strictly taboo. Or not even taboo, perhaps just really odd and kinky, like, why would you put that there??? #2 Anal sex is strictly reserved for the caliginous quadrant, as a means of showing dominance over your partner. I don’t mean non-con or even dub-con; after a bout of fighting or arguing or whatever, the winner can choose to propose it and the loser can choose to accept it as an expression of rightfully-earned submission.

"Okay. Let's work on shelter first. You ever build a treehouse?" Sh-t, Tavros's little impressed face kind of gets you right in the pump biscuit.

Overhead, light flows across the ceiling, expanding and contracting like a slow pulse matching his own. His eyes are heavy and growing heavier with as indeterminate time passes. The pile of clothes under him shifts, his back arches further to accommodate it, he's drifting, comfortable and pulsing like these little specks of light on the ceiling. Slow and dimmed at first, Gamzee becomes aware of of his hand lying on his stomach.

“I kind of proved a lot of people wrong and proved to myself I can play this game in this body.” - Pat Kane Genderqueer AU.

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

“So, you Skype your boy a lot or something?” Kaner asks when he’s been there for a little while and heard Segs talk about Tyler enough to catch a clue. There’s something odd in his voice--a little plaintive, like he’s asking, so how do you deal with it? Segs hesitates, shrugs. Says, “Yeah, something like that.” Inside his head, Tyler laughs.

Patrick answers his phone by reflex, but he can't pry open his eyes, so he has no idea who he's talking to. Or not talking, exactly, because all he can manage is a sort of groan. OR: the one where Tazer and Kaner have a baby via Stanley Cup

They’ve had this connection for nearly as long as they’ve known each other; Patrick doesn’t know why it happened, what made it so that out of all the people in the world, it’s Johnny and only Johnny whose thoughts he can read, but there it is. One day it was just Patrick in his head, and the next, he’d woken up with the background awareness of Johnny in there too, and a panicked, thumping voice saying, Oh, shit. You too?

Kurt and Puck both have dreams of dominance and submission, but they never expected to run into each other at a Marketplace auction in New York City. Spoilers through season 4. Crossover with Laura Antoniou's Marketplace universe. Top!Kurt, Dom/sub, discipline. Written for the Puckurt Fic I Didn't Write Game.

For this prompt on the LJ Kinkmeme: Stiles leaves leaves a notebook of his at Derek's or in his car or whatevs, and Derek goes to take it to him and notices that it's filled with little hearts with Stiles+Derek, and Stiles Hale, and Derek Stilinski, and tons of doodles of little wolves.

First Mugshot pic of the awesome collab I’m doing with Scifigrl47!

He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one.

There was no good way to say it: sorry about your surprise sex swap and your nonconsensual werewolf bite also rearranged your butt plumbing and congratulations, I've probably destroyed your sex life forever were not exactly Hallmark sentiments.

--Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. --

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

The last thing you want to do with the guy you've been hung up on for ages is teach him how to be decent at sex. So of course, that's exactly what Geno does. Featuring interfering Russians, thorough devirginization, and equal parts alcohol imbibing and hockey playing.