Coulson figures it out through standard procedure (rumor mill to threatening junior agents to that required weird conversation with one’s boss).

As good as you get: "The problem was, really, Kris Allen was a tease." If You Can't See Where It Keeps Its Brain: "The Sorting Hat has its own agenda." I Woke Up In Love This Morning: He was hazy, half-asleep and incredibly comfortable and still half-lost in the most amazing dream. Five Reasons Xander Harris Hates Pete Wentz: If the Bandom'verse and the Buffy'verse all occupied the same 'verse, this is exactly what would have happened. red, red, gold: "Her name is Tasha Stark, and you won’t break her."

Remus runs into Severus at a party.

Jensen couldn't decide whether he was having the best week ever, or the worst.

"But for some reason, when Stiles sees Derek talking to Lydia, the two of them painfully good-looking, all she can think about is that her hair is in a messy ponytail and there's pizza sauce on the hem of her t-shirt. It's not like she wants to go on a montage out of a '90s teen film and come out like Rachel Leigh Cook on a staircase, but Stiles maybe thinks she doesn't want to look like the homeless one in the pack."

"Clint somehow finds himself fascinated by Phil Coulson's sartorial choices. He refuses to admit that he's kind of maybe thinking about it a little too much."

Eyes ahead.

So, here it is, Idol: An AI Podfic Anthology a.k.a. The Sooper Sekrit Paraka Podfic Projekt: ~6.5 hours, 21 AI (+1 Bandom) podfics by 21 podficcers. Thank you, [info]paraka, for everything, and congratulations on 5 years!!!

"Is that a Slam Man?" Tony asks, walking a slow circle around it. "Didn't they stop making these in the 1990s?" Steve gives him a look that says he's asking the wrong person. "Right, you were. Busy. Being frozen. So why did you bring this horrifying piece of cheap crap into my shop?" Steve, who is clearly excited about his cheap crap, isn't fazed at all by Tony's criticism. "It's a boxing dummy, with lights!" he says. Tony can’t remember the last time Steve looked this excited about something. "And you can program it for your workout. It's almost a robot, right? And you build great robots." Steve gestures toward Dummy, who chirps at him and spins his end effectors, the flirt. Tony thinks Steve actually blushes. "So...can you build something like this? But better?"

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

It’s the giving up, the way he gives himself up to Kurt, the slackness of his muscles saying do it. Make me do it. So Kurt does.

This time instead of DMing while intoxicated Jim decides to make a call. Drunk conversation/teasing turns into ~more.

PROMPT: I just really want to see a His Dark Materials inspired fic where Tony and only Tony can see people's daemons. So, every human has one, but are completely unaware of their existence. And Tony's always been able to see them. When he was a kid it was written off as having a lot of imaginary pets/friends, but he never grew out of seeing them. And maybe he wrote it off as being partially cracked for a while, but Tony's still a scientist at heart and he's figured out how all these not-quite real animals relate to the people they follow, and uses that information to his advantage. All the time. Mostly to pick out the quickest and easiest way to piss someone off enough that they leave him alone. So, maybe Tony's kind of a spazzy genius trope because he's paying more attention to the daemons than the people in his life. And that's been fine for ages because he doesn't have to deal with a lot of people up close and personal, but now that he's an Avenger, that's changing. I have no preferences for everyone's daemons, but I do imagine Nick Fury's to be the world's most intimidating Great Horned Owl. Also, Thor does not have a daemon, which freaks Tony out to the extreme.

Peggy and Bucky get to grips with certain thoughts Bucky's been entertaining with regards to Steve and Tony. Part of Olympics 'Verse.

Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU.

After the fighting is over, then come the hot baths, ice packs, resurrection from the dead, political maneuvering, and happy endings (not like that, Tony).

Millionaire playboy Tony Stark needs horse riding lessons. His two instructors are more than willing to give him other lessons, too.

There’s a plan already forming in the back of Tony’s mind and he knows it’s teasing, but it’s not an opportunity he can willingly pass up. Sequel to Fuck Me Heels. Enjoy guys!

Tony finds the heels in the back of his closet, hidden away in a white, pristine box. And then he gets ideas.

Alright, look, confession - Tony has been masturbating to Captain America since he was thirteen.

There are clear signs that Bruce has finally started to trust the rest of the team. The team, however, aren't so keen on those signs.

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

In which the Avengers Tower is rebuilt, Tony attempts matchmaking, Natasha is scary, and Pepper may have ulterior motives. Also, there is Asgardian mead, which might be a problem.

Phil Coulson, kindergarten teacher at S. L. Shields Elementary School, a wealthy, upper-middle class suburb has just gotten his new class of students. Like every class he has, they have their ups and downs, and life is never dull. Phil does his best to give all his kids a good foundation, and help out those who need a little extra from him. And if things sometimes get a little crazy, well, he's used to that.

Prompt: Steve thinks that he should have died all those years ago, so he gets reckless: going off to fight the bad guys on his own without back-up. Eventually, Steve gets really injured due to his dare-devil antics and the team turns to Tony to reason with Steve. Subsequently, Tony gives Steve the best pep talk of his entire life, if by pep talk you mean blow job. And then, casually, as Tony leaves, he turns and goes, "Cut this 'I wanna die' bullshit. It's not a good look for you." AND STEVE DOES.

When Thor fell, everything trembled.

Phil Coulson has spent half his life working toward the Stanley Cup. The Malibu Avengers might finally be the team to take him there.

One of the earliest truths learned by the children of heroes is the simple, universally accepted fact that Thor tells the best stories.

When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right. That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

Steve Rogers is a good man and when he feels he owes an apology, not even exhaustion and double-vision is going to stop him from giving it.

He's been called a lot of names, but the one that stuck was Hawk.

Or, The Avengers Tower Stitch & Bitch Club

Phil takes three steps forward in 2012, trips, and tumbles to his hands and knees in 1969.

It was Captain America. Captain. Freaking. America.

Tony isn’t paying a whole lot of attention when Barton appears in his lab.

What it says on the tin.

Darcy, Bruce, gen (first day at Stark Tower)

Phil shouldn’t let it get to him, except that it does.

Tony struggles to deal with his synaesthesia most of his adult life. Can he ever find somebody who understands what he’s dealing with?

The Avengers take initiative. Or, the story of how a group of remarkable people came together to drink cocktails, eat ice-cream and wait for Fury's call. Post-movie.

PROMPT: I think part of the reason anyone under Loki's control, Clint especially, looked so exhausted is because they were not allowed to sleep. Natasha told Clint it would take time for him to level out but even a couple of months after he hasn't. He hasn't been able to sleep and the rest of the team is starting to notice.

"Look I know this is like, prize-winning science fair shit, and I'm sure you're in fucking freak heaven or whatever, but I need you to focus on me for like, two seconds, and reach into the hole in my chest, and fix what's broken." And holy shit is that a metaphor. That is one goddamned beautiful metaphor.

Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.

PROMPT: Loki had every intention of wreaking havoc upon Midgard the moment his suicide attempt had failed. Really. He'd planned on setting cities ablaze, smashing buildings, pillaging, all of that good stuff. Too bad he hadn't planned on the place being so FUN. Destroying City Hall? Maybe if he can squeeze it in between ikebana and his Thai cooking classes. Oh, he tries for the whole supervillain thing, but is it really his fault that he really likes going to yoga and hair products that don't require massive amounts of oils that leave him feeling greasy? Is it really his fault that manicures are so damn RELAXING and that those little Asian ladies in the salon are so charmingly adorable? Besides, his therapist says that all the rage is unhealthy. TL;DR Loki gets a therapist and finds Earth hobbies that he enjoys in between bothering his brother and his friends. SUPER BONUS: The Avengers get a petition pleading from the nail salon and his therapist and various instructors for them to please not kill him because he's a considerate customer and is actually a very nice young man.

They were reunited a few days later in a hallway in SHIELD headquarters, outside an otherwise nondescript door that said Philip J. Coulson.

Okay, so. With all the excitement that's been building over the last week or so, there seems to be an unreasonable amount of negativity coming along with it. And that just won't do! So here's what I propose: ♥an Avengers Kissing Meme♥

PROMPT: Game of Thrones inspired prompt! *Spoilers for those who haven't seen the series* Loki as Daenerys and Thor as Drogo. I don't know... Loki is given to Thor by Laufey or his greedy brother's in order to gain Asgard's alliance or as a ploy and Loki's all angst and unhappy about it since he's nothing more then a thing to be sold and Thor's kind of a boar upon first impression. Thor turns out to be a great and protective husband though and Loki gains confidence and becomes a great and beloved and powerful leader in Asgard. Except there's like a way happier ending for our couple. The fic continues here: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3938.html?thread=14596194#t14596194