Penny is frustrated, hopeless, and fed up with being all three things. Shane is there, too.

Shane fucks Sam in the JojaMart bathroom as yet another desperate attempt to escape the tedium of his pathetic life. Sam fucks Shane in the JojaMart bathroom to let off some of the pressure of holding everyone else together and keeping up his happy-go-lucky front. So what do you do when your least-shitty coping mechanism isn’t enough to distract from your problems anymore?

He can feel the vibrations against his throat as Sam speaks, his voice velvety smooth. "Did you know an orgasm helps with headaches?". Blunt fingernails scratch softly at the nape of his neck, the sensation causing a shudder to rack its way through Seb's frame. "Really?" Seb asks. Silence spells between the two, and Seb can feel the warmth that radiates from Sam's cheek as he chews on his lip. Seb tilts his chin up so they're making eye contact, cobalt blue eyes meeting those of viridian. Though his voice beams with confidence, his stature and mannerisms are riddled with nerves and insecurity. "Yeah," Sam's eyes contain nebulas, dilated pupils swirling with want as he nods. "You offering one or something?" Sebastian grins lopsidedly at the blond, tracing small shapes into the back of his hand. - Sebastian has a headache. Sam offers him relief.

the boys are back and they are high and horny

Sam breaks his arm and talks a very reluctant Sebastian into helping him with his everyday tasks. Sebastian does because he just can’t say no to his best friend. He knows Sam is taking advantage of him, just a little, but Seb will still do anything, as long as it doesn’t go too far. Well, it depends if jerking off your best friend is considered too far or not.

Shane and Sam have an interaction in the back room that leads to a mutual understanding. They both want pizza, and sex, so why not help each other out?

Sam and Sebastian just want really want pizza and are willing to work for it, that's all. Just two friends getting a pizza fix... nothing gay to see here. (Then why does everyone keep watching?)

Elliott has already turned the corner by the time he recognizes the slick noises in the air. Heat rushes his face, breath catching in his throat as he finally sees the farmer. The man is standing at the fence surrounding his processing equipment, sunlight streaming down between the leaves of the surrounding fruit trees, face slightly flushed as he murmurs something soft to the body beneath him, fingers knuckle deep as their voice breaks on a moan that floats in the air like dandelion fuzz on a breeze.

It's not easy being in love with your best friend, but Sam has managed fine for the last ten years or so. Then Abigail had to go and make them do that stupid dare, and things suddenly got a lot harder. And more difficult, too.

Sebastian and Sam confide in Abigail. She wishes they hadn't.

Failure had been the predominant constant in Shane's life for so long that he almost didn’t notice there had been something else steadily building its influence on him for years now. (Shane healing and coming to trust himself to become Jas's primary caregiver as her parents had wished, because it makes me feel sad things that Jas doesn't move into the farmhouse with Shane when he marries the player character.) :)

Tyler realizes there’s something wrong with him when he’s thirteen years old.

“Is the kid in trouble?” “No, of course not—I was just, uh, wondering, Mr. Djarin, if you could tell me about Grogu’s typical diet—I only have limited experience with his species, and I have reason to be... concerned that he’s not getting the enough nutrients here,” said Master Skywalker carefully, the kid sitting beside him, not looking particularly remorseful. Dank farrik, not again, Din thought.

Cody keeps a list of miraculous things he comes across amidst the mundane.

It starts then. Thinking little of it, feeling only pleased and relaxed, Law smiles and says into the heat of Zoro’s skin, “Join my crew.”

Bringing the dead back to life never seems to go quite the way it should, and when Granta's dragged back into existence by his father, he's no different. Something is wrong, and something terrible is going to happen, but Xanatos refuses to acknowledge any flaws in his grand plan to seize power. The only ones who will listen are the clone troopers, who know a thing or two about being dead. But Granta's being torn between the father he's worshipped his whole life and the clone troopers who keep twisting him up into knots, and the only thing that can give is him.

“Maybe,” Alpha says, and it’s not nearly steady as he thinks it is, “I should do this to all the bitchy little pirates I capture.”

“It’s incredible how few people expect that sort of thing,” Granta says lightly. “They're so used to identifying people by their dæmons. Change the dæmon, and they expect a different person entirely.” “Yeah,” Fox says, bland. “Because a dæmon’s supposed to be your soul. The fact that your soul is wrong is your own problem.”

You can lose your home and spend your whole life looking for it, sometimes you may even find bits of it again. But sometimes home goes out searching and finds you first. ~ The day he loses his father and his pack, Stiles is transported to a parallel world where his counterpart is nine years old and seemingly small changes have had a huge impact on the course of events in Beacon Hills. At first sticking to the shadows as a vigilante to protect his otherworld father and younger self, Stiles is soon drawn out into the light and onto a path that forces him to confront the traumas of his past so that he can make a place for himself in this new world.

Alpha-17 was made for war. He was made to kill the enemies of the Republic. He was made to die. He was not made to deal with a Jedi lineages interpersonal drama. He was not made to deal with a conspiracy at the heart of the Republic. And he sure as fuck was not made to be witness to Cody's weird as shit relationship with General Kenobi despite not even being assigned to the 212th. And Yet. Here he was. (This was written over the course of a long spell of insomnia. Pecked at during the worst of my 4am insomnia fugue states. So it is what it is and I have no idea what this is. Enjoy.)

“I got you something. An early Life Day present of my own.”

Zoro would thank Luffy for introducing him to Law all those months back, if he ever dared to tell him why in the first place that is, but their mutual friend didn't have to know what kind of relationship they had developed. Only him and Law would ever know what happened behind that door everytime Zoro would visit. (or Law and Zoro having a rough session in the BDSM room)

It wasn't solely Jango Fett's DNA that went into making Domino Squad. Palpatine had other plans for them. Thankfully, so does their second genetic donor, and he has just as few qualms about murder as a Sith Lord.

When Granta infiltrates the Senate, his sole focus is on breaking the faltering Republic apart. Running across an intriguing mystery in the shape of Fox, Thorn, and Stone changes quite a lot.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dark Lord of the Sith, takes a hostage. If he wanted it to go smoothly, he probably shouldn't have picked Feral, no matter how much of a pain Maul is.

Depa takes one step into the council chambers and stops dead, clapping a hand over her mouth.

Granta Omega fully intended to die on Korriban, and he did. Then he woke up again. It's getting to be an unfortunate theme.

jaskier has three things: an unstoppable libido, a limitless imagination, and the continent's sexiest traveling companion. sometimes, this leads to certain accidents. they become a little less accidental over time. or: five times jaskier accidentally orgasms because of geralt, and one time he comes very much on purpose.

Sanji will just go knock. Appease his own sense of responsibility, get yelled off, and come back to his own bed knowing he tried. It’s the least he owes the frustrating marimo, as crewmates; to at least make sure he’s got options.

“He wasted food?” Was Sanji’s predictable response. “Nah, it didn’t go to waste,” Luffy assured him. “After Helmeppo left, Zoro made me pick up the dirty smushed up onigiri and feed him it all anyway! Then he told me to tell Rika it was delicious.” “Huh.” Sanji got up, looking thoughtful as he turned back to the kitchen. The rest of the crew still looked fascinated by the story of Zoro’s recruitment. (or the strawhats learn for the first time how zoro joined the crew and sanji takes the news… differently.)

Despite literal years of Zeff badgering Sanji and trying to get him to give up being the sous-chef at the Baratie and go on his own adventures already, Sanji refuses. He owes Zeff his life, his past and future, everything he can give the old man—he's not leaving. His occasional excursions elsewhere and back are just temporary ('internships,' Zeff calls them), and he always eventually returns home. This time Sanji visits Tottoland, excited to learn from the culinary envy of the world, but he encounters a lot more trouble there than he expects in Charlotte Katakuri.

Sanji Black, Executive Chef and owner of Le Tout Bleu, successfully defends his restaurant and its customers from aggressive paparazzi one evening with style. A video of the fight goes viral, though, and one of the celebrities in the center of the whole mess develops quite the intense—and public—crush.

Newly reunited and fresh into the New World, the Strawhats split up again briefly to chase rumors of the Mera Mera no Mi. Zoro and Sanji are assigned the long con: whispers place the Devil Fruit in the Lumo Archipelago under the care of Roland Vane, ex Level 6 prisoner of Impel Down. Vane is a recluse and only accessible monthly at pretentious wine tasting parties hosted at his mansion, and only his exclusive group of friends are invited, all queer couples who also enjoy boring cheese plates and even more boring art. The obvious solution is to fake having a husband.

Once upon a December... Roronoa Zoro, left winger for the Mugiwara hockey team, meets figure skater Sanji at the rink and it's hate at first sight. Throw in an unfortunate Secret Santa assignment, and it's the perfect recipe for holiday hijinks on ice.

Sabito backs up from the table a little, presses his hands against the floor in front of him, and bows so deeply that his forehead almost brushes the tatami. “Please take me as your husband.” Giyū’s glad that Sabito waited until after he’d finished eating, because otherwise he would have probably choked on something in surprise.

When it comes to Pudding, Sanji is happy to be in the palm of her hand. (Or not, as is more often the case.)

The planetary security forces have captured a Sith, and Maul has nothing but a bad feeling about this.

Nathaniel Wesninski is six years old when his first soulmate mark comes in.

Somewhere on the road, Mary Hatford gets pregnant with her second child. When she passes, she leaves behind not only Neil, but his toddler brother. Survival is difficult without also raising a kid. Worn out and desperate, Neil still somehow ends up at Palmetto, only this time, he brings his four-year-old brother with him.

He can’t even blame Neil. He wants to, it would be so easy to, but even if it was Neil’s fault that Andrew couldn’t stop thinking about it, Andrew had been the one to bring it up. Mostly by pulling a thick, ridged black dildo out of his drawer one day and saying, “I want to fuck you with this. Yes or no?”

"Never have I ever wanted to kiss Neil."

The rise and fall of the Minyard-Josten Rivalry. Usually when Neil starts shit in a post-game press interview, he does it on purpose. This time, he really just meant for it to be a joke. “How do you feel about the possibility of ending up on a team with a former Fox teammate?” is the next question. “Great,” Neil answers, sincere. “I would love to play with Matt or Kevin again.” “What about Minyard? Would you sign with Atlanta?” Neil says, “Andrew? He’s a nightmare.” He knows it’s a joke. His team knows it’s a joke. Andrew will know it’s a joke. The press does not seem to know that it’s a joke.

What's a guy to do when he's forced to go to his conservative, homophobic aunt and uncle's for Thanksgiving dinner? Why, invite along his ex-con, tattooed, argumentative roommate as his fake boyfriend, of course.

Jeremy Knox and the soulmate. Guest starring: Exy, a transfer student, generalized anxiety, older sisters, drunk lesbians, bread, cake, a shed, the beach, the absence of Hennessy, Star Wars, Renee Walker, self-taught smooth talking, gratuitous French, No. 1 Trojans fan Kevin Day, relationship drama, general drama, the power of Friendship, questions, answers, team spirit!, and, of course, romance.

“Have you considered the possibility that Neil has chosen you, but believes you have not chosen him?” Renee says. "Have you ever explicitly told him what you want?” “Neil knows what I want,” Andrew snaps. This is not Andrew’s fault. “How do you know?” Because Neil always knows. He is as fluent in Andrew’s micro-expressions as he is in German and French. He knows which head tilts mean “go on” and which ones mean “shut up.” Without ever asking, he learned what it meant to see Andrew wearing double layers of long sleeves, or taking multiple showers in a day, and learned to hand Andrew the car keys. That has always been the most terrifying thing about Neil — his patience to wait, watch, listen, learn. The prospect that if Neil were given enough time, there would be no part of Andrew that was just Andrew’s anymore. “He has to know,” Andrew says. “Does he?” Renee says. “Have you ever known Neil to assume that he is wanted?” Five times Neil tells someone that he and Andrew aren’t dating, and one time Andrew uses his words to set the record straight.

After graduating college, Andrew starts his professional Exy career as goalie for the Boston Rebels. Meanwhile, Neil is in his fifth and final year at Palmetto State University. Being apart turns out to be harder than either of them expected, and adjusting is a struggle. When Neil visits Andrew in Boston, things come to a head.

Andrew and Neil were never going to be a normal couple but for some reason this is really hard for people to understand. Or: five times people questioned Andrew and Neil’s relationship (+1 time they didn’t give them a reason to)

“Eat my ass,” Andrew says, shoving his middle finger in Neil’s general direction. He goes back to scooping cookie dough onto the baking sheet, but the sudden silence from his usually so argumentative boyfriend unnerves him enough to glance over his shoulder. Neil clears his throat. He’s bent low over his papers, but his eyes aren’t moving anymore and his ears have turned curiously red. “I would, if you wanted me to,” he mumbles, almost too quiet to hear.

It's not a test. He isn't waiting to see when Andrew will crack, doesn't watch the bar more than usual when they go to Eden's; doesn't even think much about it at all until Nicky corners him in the bathroom at Sweetie's one night and asks, with a honey-smug smirk, about their sex life.

“Neck fetish,” Andrew growls, yanking hard at Neil's hair until the skin at the back of his head prickles hotly. “Mm,” Neil hums. “Yours or mine?”