Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua are stuck in a pit. With a curse. And they are not happy.

Along with pining pathetically until he dies, Shang Qinghua's expectations for this post-canon world of Cucumber-bro's making are simple. They include managing the Ice Palace, eating, and maybe penning a few (less shitty) novels in his limited spare time. Retirement, boring and not fraught in the slightest. It's the least this old man deserves. The System, of course, has other ideas. 【Request received! More side quests will be made available to the Host. Please keep working hard!! ヽ(>∀

Wei Wuxian is ready, waiting. The front and back doors of the Jingshi wait open, allowing the early summer breeze to pass through the house, bringing with it the scent of the flowers from the back garden. He has rope, crimson and smooth and well-worn, coiled in a neat pile. He has tea, perfectly brewed, the lightly flavored (nearly tasteless) kind that Lan Zhan likes, waiting in a pot with a warming talisman. There’s a comb, fine-toothed of carved white jade. There’s fruit, for later, perfectly ripe. There’s a small knife with a curved blade, still sharp as anything but stained with years of sap. There’s the garden, lovingly tended and fully in bloom in waves of pinks and purples and whites. There’s him, lounging against the frame of the back door, limbs sprawled about in the languid way that looks careless to an outsider but is actually carefully choreographed to put as much of himself on display as possible. He’s technically fully dressed, red inner robe and black outer, but the black outer robe is unbelted, half-hanging off one shoulder, and he’s decidedly not wearing trousers. His bare feet poke out the red folds, pale against the wood of the Jingshi deck. Or: Rope bondage as the deepest expression of affection.

There’s the quiet knock of his assistant, Su She, at the door. He likes to hover anxiously outside the glass walls of his office as if Meng Yao can’t see him. This is usually followed by Meng Yao waving him in wordlessly, taking something or filing something or approving something whilst Su She wrings his hands. Today, Meng Yao has to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder as Su She passes him a baby. *** Yet another illegitimate Jin baby appears and Jin Guangshan takes no responsibility. Meng Yao has to do everything around here.

“Did you break the ward to come in?” Lan Wangji asks, point-blank. He has his sword out and pointed at Wei Wuxian, no bothering with niceties like hello I’m Lan Wangji, and you are? Wei Wuxian eyes the sword, but doesn’t react. He keeps lazing back on the roof, casually drinking his wine, as if this is the usual way he meets new people. (And maybe it is! I don’t know your life, Wei Wuxian!) Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian meet on Season 8 of The Cultivation World. Ouyang Zizhen writes the recaps.

Personal logs from a datapad, early Empire era. Property of the University of Ainac, department of History, Archives, YGE (years of the Galactic Empire) 27.ca.38

In which there was a picture of Wang Yibo looking very smart in a skirt on twitter, and it made me write my first fic in a year. aka: waxing, and spanking, and love, oh my.

If a little fondness slips through, it apparently only makes Han Ying bolder. “Would you allow me to call you Valley Master, if we did?” Wen Kexing laughs under his breath at the brazen request, tipping Han Ying’s face back with two fingers beneath his chin. Narrows his eyes and looks down at him, assuming an air of cold indifference. “Are you a ghost, Han Ying?” “I could be,” Han Ying says quietly. “If you wanted me to be.”

“I cannot believe you,” Jaster says, muffled where his face is buried in his hands. “One week of leave and this—this—this is how you come back?” Myles weighs whether he should be ashamed of himself, considers that last time Jaster got himself kidnapped because he pissed off a culty group of guardians around an ancient shrine, and promptly decides he regrets nothing. “I was only the Sith Emperor for three days before true love’s kiss broke the spell, it was fine.”

“Clan Wren sends its regards,” Ursa says, bowing, and by all rights Jaster should be paying attention to the Countess’s daughter, should pay his own respects to the heir to Krownest, but— He only has eyes for Ursa's brother, steady at her side.

Dorian and Bull experiment with a little spice. (Bull puts ginger up Dorian's butt).

The juniors squad gets an apartment together at university and hijinks ensue. Or, how Jingyi and Sizhui finally got their shit together, Zizhen figured himself out, and Jin Ling had a really good time.

AU based on The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir (familiarity with that story's not required). Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming.

“Don’t worry A-Cheng, this is the kind of party that expects everyone to be using fake names. It would be horribly against the rules for anyone to acknowledge who you actually are, even if they do recognise either of you. Trust me, there will be far more interesting things going on than watching Chifeng-zun and Sandu Shengshou tonight. All you have to do is play it cool, make it seem like you’re there for the same reasons as everyone else, and nobody will meet your eyes. Piece of cake!” Huaisang sounds positively chipper, which means Jiang Cheng is almost certainly going to have the worst night of his life tonight. Or: Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue steal a sex party

"Hi, I'm Wei Wuxian. I'm a Career Omega and this is my fourth season on the show. I like spicy food, archery and alphas who are funny. Or maybe I don't, I haven't rolled over for one yet." On-screen, Wei Wuxian winks at the audience laughter. Hot or Knot is the world's most popular reality TV show. Part dating show, part survival show, Hot or Knot is everyone's guilty pleasure - and Wei Wuxian is a fan favourite. - The Love Island/Hunger Games reality dating tv show A/B/O au

Prompt: Nie Huaisang buys Jiang Cheng a “baby on sword” (like baby on board lmao) pendant as a joke but Jiang Cheng actually uses it

It doesn’t occur to him to ask what helping would entail until Mikey gives him a sideways look. “Don’t think it’s the kind of help you should ask your brother for,” he says. “But thanks.” Gerard tries to think of something he wouldn’t help Mikey do, but there’s nothing. He’d drive a getaway car, bury a body, even give him bone marrow, and he’s seen the needles they use to get at that shit. “There’s no such thing,” he says. Mikey shrugs, picks up an ad for lipstick and starts tearing around the edge of the logo. “It’s kind of a sex thing,” he mumbles.

Jiang Cheng is sort of having a complicated night. She tilts her chin up, moving to the beat of the track, and her eyes slide over him, top to bottom. The beat goes dirty and buzzing and she has to raise her voice to say, “I don’t do straight guys.” Someone grinds against him and he looks down at the prettiest girl he’s ever seen and says, stupid with something to prove, “Good thing I’m not straight, then.” He sounds like he’s sure of it, even though he’s not, but his best decisions have always been forced out of him by people bolder than he is.

Having a crush on your roommate is really embarrassing, except that's apparently the opposite of a problem. Jiang Cheng can't deny that's pretty convenient. Wei Ying holds it up, a series of straps and buckles and velcro and wow, really a lot of leather. It has absolutely no conceivable form beyond tangled. Nie Huaisang opens the door at exactly the moment that Wei Ying holds the thing up to Jiang Cheng’s chest, as if he’s trying to imagine how exactly it would fit onto a person, and it falls into a tangled pile between them while they stare at Huaisang in mild mortification.

Thursdays are for boxing. Thursdays are for Nie Mingjue. He pretends, sometimes, that they’re peers, even though they’re in different weight classes and always will be. He likes spitting and snarling at Nie Mingjue just to see what he’ll do, to push and shove at the boundaries. Nie Mingjue, it feels like sometimes, has self control the way that ponds have ice in the late fall- delicately and temporarily and easily disturbed.

It feels, sometimes, like Jiang Cheng's waiting to have a bad day so he has an excuse. It’s a Tuesday and Jiang Cheng finds himself huddled under the portico in front of Nie Mingjue’s impressive double-doors, wondering what the fuck he’s doing with his life. He’s drenched to the bone, all of his formal clothes sticking to all of his skin, waiting for someone to answer the door before he freezes to death. Or maybe he’ll just freeze to death! Maybe that’s the option at play here. Considering how the rest of his night is going, he doesn’t think it’d actually be all that surprising.

Sometimes Jin Zixuan's life is complicated. When it comes to Jiang Yanli, though, things just seem to make perfect sense. Jin Zixuan loves his wife very much, but it is undeniable that she’s a little evil. Considering how terrible her brothers are, he counts himself lucky that her evil manifests, generally, in the form of playful mischief as opposed to, for example, putting beetles in his sheets. Unlike some Jiang siblings he could name.

Xue Yang's pretty sure that he could be a better girlfriend to Song Lan than whoever the fuck he's actually dating. Like, pretty sure. Almost certain. (xue yang and song lan go to the same gym, and xue yang has never been good at resisting temptation)

It doesn't take an especially strategic mind to recognize that a poorly-maintained weapon is no weapon at all. Nie Mingjue can fix that.

Hardison is 100% certain that there is no way Bruce Wayne could possibly be Batman. But maybe they should check it out, just in case.

Team Leverage plays D&D. The game gets personal.

“Torao says a lot of stupid things,” Luffy informed him, deadpan, and Law huffed a laugh and kissed him again—longer, this time, like he was trying to say everything he couldn’t manage aloud. Like doing this right was the only thing that mattered, now. Monet watched the star-lines drift past in the viewport, shimmering as they sped across the black.

there is blood under his fingernails and all of it is his; he doesn't clean it out, just looks at the dark lines while the water runs, thinks about the scrape of his nails over stone while he writhed at joker's feet, tearing the skin from his fingers, unfeeling in the face of other agony.

If he lives you’ll kill him yourself, for being so recklessly good-hearted, for being such a fool.

Painful family legacies, when they heal, do not heal quickly.

Wen Ning has lived as a sentient fierce corpse for about four hundred years. Going back in time could have been an accident, but isn't.

a collection of one-shots where obi-wan marries jango's ghost... only to find out that jango is not dead. “Well.” Obi-Wan was not apprenticed to one of the best negotiators in the Order for nothing. “There is no death, there is the Force,” he recited. “So, I didn’t marry Jango Fett’s ghost, I married the Force. And as Jedi, our commitment is to the Force…”

'I just thought...I mean, we're 18! I figured maybe you'd fooled around. A little?' First time comic.

Slice of life, only the lives are Ed Elric's and Roy Mustang's. Politics. Violence. Stupidity. A lot of animals. True love(?). And of course like 4 separate instances of fake dating

When Mobei Jun is struck by an insidious poison that requires dual cultivation to cure, Shang Qinghua isn’t exactly relieved, but at least it’s an easy cure, right? Wrong! Mobei Jun won’t dual cultivate? He won’t marry? He refuses all available methods to save his life? Why is he being so stubborn?! If he doesn't dual cultivate with someone, then he'll die!

“This planet,” Mace says quietly, “is not a place that was meant for you.” Kix doesn’t move from where he’s sitting, just watches the shadows shift and shiver as the trees stir around them. There's no wind, just the steady rumble of thunder above them, the flickers of the lightning, and hiss of leaves and stems and branches moving on their own, bending away from the violet glow of Mace's lightsaber, the muddy hem of his robes. “I think it suits me just fine,” Kix says, and it’s soft because he doesn’t need to shout. There are better ways of being angry right now.

One of the most closely guarded secrets of Wen Kexing's life, more so than his hoarded memories, almost more so than his old name, is the fact that the Ghost Valley Master is an omega. When his heat suppressants run out on the way to Longyuan Cabinet, Wen Kexing is plunged into the worst heat of his life. He's desperate for some kind of relief, but Zhou Zishu's encroaching illness means he's no longer able to perform in that regard — and anyway, he's not an alpha. But Ye Baiyi is.

“No,” Sabé hisses, catching the edge of Kycina's red hood and dragging her back down behind cover.

If Wen Qing had realized sooner that she wasn’t in the afterlife or hallucinating, but had actually traveled back in time, she’d have done things differently. There’d have been less murder, for one thing.

“No, please repeat that,” Lao Nie said. He had his fingers drilled into his temples and was rubbing them in nice, calming circular motions that were doing absolutely nothing to stem his headache. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. What was that about...did you really say 'enrichment and stimulation'?” “It’s about Wen Zhuliu,” Nie Huaisang chirped, and Nie Mingjue, standing next to him and holding his hand in encouragement, nodded in agreement. “And how he's been ever since he joined the Nie sect. We haven’t been using him enough, or at least not in the way he’s accustomed to being used. So we’re worried that he’s starting to feel like we don’t appreciate him.” “Don’t appreciate him.” “Uh-huh. Because he did all that work to learn the Core-Melting Technique, and you almost never let him use it, so we’re worried that maybe he’s – you know – da-ge, what’s the word…” “Unfulfilled.”

A high, sustained, familiar scream rises above the treetops, and Rex pauses. He looks over at Cody, finds Cody already looking back, and does his absolute best not to grin.

“Well this is awkward,” Quinlan says, raising a hand to stop his nipple tassels from swinging.

Called to a lost world after the Chancellor's ship is downed, Jon finds far more than the wreckage of a cruiser in the grasslands.

The first time Jin Guangshan mentioned it, Jin Guangyao felt a great surge of relief – at last, he thought. At last someone else that isn’t me notices it!

When Jon goes undercover to rescue a stolen padawan in the sprawling Mandalorian Empire, he expects danger and potential death. He doesn't expect to be captured by the Mand'alor himself during a raid. It's been thousands of years since the Jedi Order operated openly, and Jon isn't about to be the one to reveal their existence, but between Katooni needing to learn control, Jaster Mereel being nothing like what Jon expects, and threats within the Mandalorian court itself, the danger of exposure just keeps growing.

Four years after Order 66 and the fall of the Jedi Order, a grieving, struggling Ben Kenobi finds himself inexplicably taken back in time, crashing headlong into the foundations of fate. Grasping hope and vengeance with both hands, Ben rebuilds his identity and seeks to change the course of history: by saving Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi Order, the galaxy - and just maybe saving Obi-Wan Kenobi along the way. Featuring a heavy dose of Mandalorian involvement, overall world-building, cultural exploration, and every star wars trope I have ever wanted to write. This saga is written in chronological order and is meant to be read from the first book through to the end. It is also written in a manner designed to be just as engaging the second time around, as some details become more meaningful in the context of hindsight.

“What about your treasure? Where did you leave it?” And Roger smiles, smiles so widely it feels like his face is splitting in two. His treasure? There are so many things the word could apply to. His family, Rouge and their child, and Roger had never really understood Newgate before this, but now he does, he really does. The nakama that sailed with him for so long, who stuck with him through thick and thin, the apprentices he took in and raised and taught, the boys he is so proud of he could burst (did he tell them? Did he tell them that he was proud of them? Did he do it enough?). The riches he collected over the years, silver and gold and gems, the secrets he has learned, the sights he has seen… And yet all of them come back to Raftel. Even Rouge, who has never expressed the slightest interest in finding the island herself, is linked to it by the letter in her name, even if she doesn’t know it. “You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place. Now you'll just have to find it!” He is still smiling when the crowd goes wild, still smiling when the executioners’ blades fall down upon his neck.

Mostly, Sabo likes his job, even when it means trying to chase down pirates like Whitebeard in the New World to discuss important Army affairs. Okay, maybe especially then. Reunion AU where Sabo's a little shit, everyone’s happy, and yet some stuff still hurts.

“You know,” Shaak says, and watches the man jerk upright with wide eyes. She smiles careful not to show teeth, and pulls herself out of the water just enough to fold her arms on the stone, resting her chin on them. “I usually eat Men like you.”