This has to count as some sort of sexual harassment, right? It’s got to be his idea of a joke, to subject Jiang Cheng to this “massage parlor”…! Massage parlor Jiang Cheng’s left buttcheek, this place is clearly sketchy as hell! If his masseuse doesn’t ask him if he wants a “happy ending” tonight, Jiang Cheng will gladly eat his shoe. -- Jiang Cheng has a Happy Ending

Yunmeng Jiang is housing a retinue from Qinghe, here on diplomatic grounds. Among the people gathered here is Sect Leader Nie. Maybe that’s the reason why Jiang Cheng is restless - he can never keep himself still around that man. Jiang Cheng feels so stupid to act this way - as if wartime flings aren’t just a thing that happen sometimes - but how can he help it, when the last time they’d met, all those months ago during the Sunshot Campaign, Nie Mingjue had pressed kiss after aching kiss to his mouth, to his neck, to his shoulders? Jiang Cheng bites his lip and breathes out hard through his nose. He needs to work off some of this energy, before it comes back to bite him in the ass. Before he starts expecting things that weren’t meant for him in the first place.

Wang Lingjiao takes her time mentioning the Wen Supervisory Offices. Yu Ziyuan cuts off Wei Wuxian's sword hand in compliance with the Wens' demands, but Lotus Pier still falls. Its children manage as well as they can.

Owen goes out hoping for a nice, relaxing night. Maybe he'll even get laid; who knows. He is not expecting to run into Hot Chad from his macro class. He's expecting what follows even less.

What if when Nie Huaisang went back in time to save his brother, he brought not only himself but the rest of the Sect? AKA the fic where the Nie Sect is very overprotective of their Sect Leader and Nie Mingjue is very confused.

Dating Xiao Xingchen came with something called the Fuck-it List. or; Song Lan arranges a gangbang for his boyfriend.

Xiao Xingchen’s hip jerked toward the wand, but against the wide fix of the spreader bar between his knees, he had little leverage. Song Lan just moved the wand with him.

The tentacle climbs up Lan Wangji's forearm and tugs him closer. This time it's his turn to shiver. The feeling is — like nothing he's experienced. Cool and slippery, strong but not the strength of muscles. Soft. He wants to feel it all over. (Wei Wuxian accidentally gets cursed, which results in an impromptu sex vacation. It goes great for everyone involved.)

It wasn't unusual for Lan Wangji to find Wei Ying asleep in unexpected places.

A month and a half into his duties, a letter arrives. Lan Zhan, it reads, I miss you already. Throw over your responsibilities and meet me at the western ridge at Qixi. Yours, Wei WuXian. -- Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi parted ways after Yunping — but not forever. [!!CQL verse!!]

What if: WWX doesn’t get there in time to intercept LWJ’s glass of wine?

“Do you know how?” Wang Yizhou asks, but it’s all a light tease, and he’s already taking his hand away, as if in expectation. “Nope!” says Ji Li, confident. Then, in a move that he will recognise, in hindsight, to be the start of the complete undoing of his whole night, he adds, “But I’ll learn. Really quick.” He fishes out his phone from the pocket of his shorts, and holds it up, almost conspiratorial. “Bet I’ll have it down in one video. I’m very resourceful like that.”

A truly underutilized Huaisang plot is him killing time during his ten years of revenge plotting by being a minor thorn in Jin Guangyao’s side. He has had years of training in the art of being an obnoxious younger sibling and now he’s going to make this one man’s life hell.

After the dramatic bodega courtship saga, our favorite duo finally have a date scheduled. Naturally, the rest of the squad needs to weigh in on the first-date preparations. And during the date itself, the group chat discussion is hot and heavy! (Sequel to 'Bodega Love')

i kinda want an au where lan wangji decides to stay with wei wuxian after meeting a-yuan but also i know he's not there yet in his development and it would be a lot of work to write the political fallout this change could cause so many ideas, so little time

Sometimes Lan Qiren wondered why Nie Huaisang was so determined to hide his light under a stone. He would have long ago grown bored of playing weiqi against the foolish headshaker of legend or the vacant-eyed crybaby that perennially sobbed into his nephew’s sleeve, and yet they had been playing these games for years and years, all throughout the decade since Nie Huaisang had become Sect Leader. He didn’t ask, though, and he didn’t point it out to anyone. He’d find out the reason, one day.

ANYWAY you cannot convince me that the air nomads didn’t have any sort of trade good based on the flying bison

modern au wen ning wears exclusively t shirts for metal bands with horrific names but he is so sweet and kind and quiet and accommodating that people forget to really think about this after a while, and then he’ll be listening to music looking peaceful and shy and someone will be like “what are you listening to” and he’ll be like oh :)! and extract an earbud to reveal loud, relentless screaming

List of Good Black Sails Vids

Wei Wuxian’s life might have been different if his mother had gone onwards to visit the Jiang sect, following a glimpse of that handsome young man she’d met so briefly early on, but in the end she’d decided to go a different way – (Wei Wuxian is one of Jin Guangshan's illegitimate sons, and Cangse Sanren is having exactly none of it)

When Nie Huaisang gets paired with straight porn star Jiang Cheng for a five-part series, he’s sure it will be an utter disaster. Until the cameras start rolling and their chemistry alights like wildfire. (Or, the five times Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have sex for their job, and the first time they have sex outside of it.)

"This is not what they wanted, and it’s almost enough that they both know that. Yanli knows that it’s not fair, because she has come out with the better half of the bargain--she gets to stay at Lotus Pier with her brothers, her people, her home. Jin Guangyao has been married off, outside of his Clan, practically abandoned to the plain faced sister of a Sect Leader; the second choice after his older brother’s engagement to her fell through with devastating finality. But Jin Guangyao has been patient in all of their meetings, his manner pleasant, his smile gentle." -- Jin Guangshan gets Jin Guangyao out of JinLinTai almost as soon as he is recognized as his son, marrying him into the Jiang Clan. Jiang Yanli gets a husband, though it's not the one she expected. Jin Guangyao gets a family, though it's not the one he worked for. But maybe that's alright.

Sewing is a harder task than Nie Huaisang expected, and he finds newfound respect for the seamstresses he hires whenever he wants a new robe. He’s going to start paying above the normal rate, he thinks when he breaks down in tears as movement, once again, ruins all his hard work by ripping away the seams that took him so long.

Yizhou moves to Beijing. Ji Li helps him adjust.

once more i am thinking abt wei ying introducing himself to lan zhan as a sub(stitute teacher) at a formal gathering, & lan zhan, surprised that this cute guy he kinda recognizes from the community center would just introduce himself as a sub(missive) like that at a public event!

In preparing their ambush, the Jin sect was careful to get rid of all the human corpses at the Qiongqi Path - They forgot that the reason the path got its name was that, many years ago, Wen Mao killed the great beast, the Qiongi - and when Wei Wuxian started playing, he noticed that there was still some dead thing, deep beneath the ground...

I was re-reading some of my fav Rurouni Kenshin fics recently and since MDZS owns my soul, I immediately started thinking of Kenshin interacting with MDZS characters (Ignoring that they’re, what, at least 1000 years apart? xD). And I thought two gentle kind but badass swordsmen would make good friends :D

The Lotus Pier always loved the bright spirits of the world, the free and unrestrained; she held them cupped in her hand like birds, ready to fly away, to go where their whim takes them, to return because they loved her. Her cultivators reflected that, shining bright, standing against the world and attempting the impossible. But they were only humans, their lives short and too easily cut shorter; when the invading armies came to the Pier, she tried her best to help her people – help them fight, help them flee – but the enemy was already invited inside her gates. There was nothing she could do. (and then she woke up again)

“You just killed him,” Nie Huaisang said dumbly. When the battle at Langya was done, Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang had gone looking for Meng Yao together – Nie Huaisang's brother had been positively seething at how Jin Guangshan pretended he had never received his letter of recommendation, mumbling threats under his breath – and eventually Nie Mingjue had consented to allow Nie Huaisang to go one way while he went another. Nie Huaisang had found Meng Yao first. He was starting to wish he hadn’t.

Every once in a while, not often, people who know them well will say that Nie Mingjue lets Nie Huaisang walk all over him. That isn't quite right.

“It’s impossible,” Wen Qing said, her voice flat and eyes icy. “Literally impossible. It would kill you both.” “But –” “If you don’t care about your own life, at least care about his,” she said, and Wei Wuxian fell silent; she’d hit him right where it hurt the most, and he turned and stormed away. Wen Qing waited, watching as Wen Ning ran after him, distressed by his distress, and when he was finally out of earshot, she said, “You may regret that, one day.” Behind her there was a rusty bark of laughter, if that horrible twisted sound, low and grating and rasping at the throat until it bled, could be called a laugh. “I won’t,” Jiang Cheng said. “Thank you for lying to him.”

It started with Jiang Cheng being a sticky child, refusing to leave his jie’s side even when she sat for her embroidery lessons; with him being noisy and troublesome and the teacher just shoving the needle and thread into his hands with a muttered comment about it being good for men to know how to repair their own clothing – as if a future sect leader would ever need to know something like that. His mother covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laughter when he presented her with the results of several weeks’ worth of effort: it was just barely recognizable as the world’s ugliest duck. “A symbol of loving devotion,” one of her maids said.

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian escape the burning of the Lotus Pier, but they're not alone: along with them, they bring three of their youngest shidi, little children who can't contribute and are only a burden - and who sometimes see (and say) too much. (“– and then shixiong put me down and told me to go back,” he said, crying bitter tears. “He said to tell you that you have to – that someone has to avenge –” “That idiot,” Wei Wuxian said, his lips were numb. “The Wens – they have Wen Zhuliu there! Doesn’t he know what they’ll do to him..!”)

Everyone has their own theories about how Jiang Cheng, of all unlikely people, got the opportunity to become a god. They're all wrong. It started with a kind act - and a story.

Nie Huaisang meant for it to be a surprise. Learning the Song of Clarity for his brother, so that he wouldn't need to feel bad about his sworn brothers travelling all the way to Qinghe for him - it would be the perfect birthday gift. Obviously he can't just ask someone to teach him, since they would just tell his brother about it, but that's fine; Nie Huaisang knows of a place where he can sit and listen in secret - he'll just pick it up that way. Except something must have gone wrong, because he's started coughing up blood...

"You can't seriously be suggesting that we elect Sect Leader Yao to be Chief Cultivator!" “I don’t see the problem,” Nie Mingjue said, heroically maintaining a straight face despite the slightest curve in his eyes that indicated a man who knew exactly what the problem with his suggestion was. “According to all the stories I’ve heard him tell, Sect Leader Yao has been at the forefront of every action in the past few years, large or small - no matter where or how implausibly quickly he must have traveled to get there.”

Lan Xichen wished that people in Qinghe weren't so notoriously reluctant to share personal information. It was one thing not to know exactly how old someone was, or what their given name was, but entirely another thing to belatedly find out that there was a new baby in the family.

As a result of his newfound cultivation, Wei Wuxian was having trouble sleeping - and then he realizes that he sleeps just fine during war council meetings. What could possibly be the cause? The only thing that seems to be in common is the presence of one Sect Leader Nie... And so Project "Sleep with Nie Mingjue" is born! (shut up, Jiang Cheng, the name is fine - who could possibly misunderstand?)

Nie Mingjue would be the very first to admit that devious plotting was not his strong suit – but if it meant he could make things better, make it so that his brother never had to dirty his hands to avenge him, he would do his best. His best, in this instance, was a forbidden ritual that sent him back in time to before their father had died, before Wen Ruohan's perfidy was revealed, before Meng Yao was twisted by the world's cruelty, before Wei Wuxian was orphaned... Nie Mingjue had a lot to do and very little time in which to do it. Best to get started right away.

When Jiang Chen was little, she told her mother that she wanted to be like her when she grew up. Madame Yu thought it referred to her cultivation and was very proud, even smug, but actually Jiang Cheng had been eyeing her beautiful skirts and delicate jewelry, her proud back and gentle curves. It wasn’t until Jiang Cheng was a little older that she realized that she couldn’t be like her mother – that she was supposed to be like her father. Because she was her father’s son, and not his daughter. She was never going to be like her father.

Once upon a time in Yiling, a rumor started about the Yiling Patriarch having started to collect a harem of beautiful young men from a variety of sects. (it was Nie Huaisang's fault) (to be fair, the porn didn't help)

“If we get home, you mean,” the Jin sect junior muttered. “Where even are we? And who’s the guy playing Chenqing?” Wei Wuxian was mildly offended. Who in the world knew enough to recognize Chenqing on sight but couldn’t recognize him? “I’m pretty sure that’s Senior Wei,” the shorter Lan sect junior said. “Just, you know, not…Senior Mo.”

When old sect leader Nie dies, the Wen sect attacks and annexes Qinghe Nie, with the two heirs of the Nie sect taken to be raised as Wen Ruohan's wards - and more besides, in Nie Mingjue's case. Nie Huaisang spends a lot of time thinking about that.

“Something happened at the Lotus Pier.” “Oh? What does Fengmian have to say?” “Nothing,” Wei Changze said, and that’s when Cangse Sanren noticed that her husband was an unhealthy shade of pale. “He’s – he’s dead.” “What?” She snatched the letter away from him. “What – him and Yu Ziyuan both? Impossible! They’re – they’re sect leaders. Of a Great Sect! What happened?”

In which Lan Xichen, nearly thirteen, visits Nie Mingjue, newly appointed Sect Leader - and decide to swap brothers for a day.

Cloud Recesses, Gusu, age 15 “You don’t think they’re really going to make us wake up at mao hour?” Wei Wuxian whined. “Or sleep by the end of xu hour?” “They’re not going to make us do anything,” Jiang Cheng groaned. “It’s just that activities will be ongoing when they’re awake, so if you miss them all by sleeping until si hour, that’s your problem. It’s not like we made them do anything when they were visiting us at the Lotus Pier…” “What are you talking about?” Nie Huaisang wanted to know. “You all most certainly made poor Lan-xiong stay up past his bedtime when he was visiting the Lotus Pier – and the same for the rest of us, too!” Wei Wuxian, who had led most of the forcing-to-stay-up-late nonsense, coughed. “Yes, well…speaking of Lan Zhan, do you think he’ll be happy to see me?” “No,” both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang chorused.

If you’ve ever believed me in anything, believe I want what’s best for Jin Ling, the first line of the letter reads. Jiang Cheng has to stop and take a moment before he continues on to the next line: You must come to Carp Tower as soon as you can and lavish praise on the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen.

Five snapshots of the accidental friendship of Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning, following the resurrection of the Yiling Patriarch and the ensuing events.

Madame Yu has always been irredeemably stubborn. You think a little thing like being taken captive by the Wen sect after they invaded her home, destroyed her husband's golden core, and sent her children fleeing to the winds is going to stop her?

Legend said that those who died of anger could die with their last breath trapped in their throat, their consciousness trapped within their bodies by their own resentment, and that if one wasn't careful with their bodies, they might rise again. Nie Huaisang had long ago given up all hope of getting his brother back. Revenge had been all that had been left to him… Or so he’d thought.