Stiles is in an imminent sexual situation and, being the awkward virgin that he is, has no idea how to go about getting condoms or what size to get. Rather than asking Scott, he calls Danny. Because you don't talk to your best friend about what your penis is up to or who it's going to be in. And Danny's smart, right? Good plan?

You push yourself up to a sitting position. "Bro," you say. "Long time no see." You manage to keep your voice almost totally steady, even. He's sitting cross-legged in the sand, his elbows on his knees, his katana planted point-down next to him. His horns echo the shape of his shades, jagged outward-facing points. You wonder what yours look like, but you think you'd lose points for reaching up to cop a feel of your own headgear. "Come on. We don't exactly have the high ground out here."

Spock met Jim when he was 7 and Jim was 6. It has since been generally agreed that this was a mistake (or: the one where they grow up together and things are simultaneously better and worse for it).

A kidnapping gone bad.

This arc is centered on Yui. I thought she got very short shrift, canonically, and was handled illogically to boot. So these stories address the question: Why did it all happen that way, and what would happen after?

Jim wants to ride that (and by "that" he means "Spock's dick") into the sunset

I feel pretty strongly that the second half of Naruto diverted all the momentum of the first half, where what I wanted to see was what would happen if it speeded up instead. This arc is an AU of canon, in which Kakashi dealt with Sasuke differently after the first fight with Itachi and Sasuke never left Konoha. Changes spiral off from that point. This is also the arc where I change all the things that truly made me tear my hair in canon, such as the carbon copy generations, the sidelining of the women, the apotheosis of Naruto as a solitary hero, and Itachi turning out to not be a villain. So none of that happens. There is, however, Sakura/Sasuke/Naruto goodness. Also featuring a dash of Kakashi/Iruka and a side arc about Hinata and the Hyuuga clan that somehow shoehorned its way in while I was innocently contemplating ninja sociology.

There bruises on Derek's chest from where Stiles pushed Derek. Two purple-red impressions of the heel of Stiles' palms. Derek pokes them curiously. Derek's never had bruises before Stiles.

It’s not-- it’s not because they’re perverted or something. It’s not. It’s a comfort thing to sit still and extend his senses, focusing on the alpha and his mate.

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon)

This is not the behavior Stiles was expecting from a werewolf he’s been dream invading. To be honest, Stiles expected more blood, bruises and begging. He was not expecting creepy Derek to go to sleep next to him.

Heart-flowers are a reflection of your heart, mind and soul, if you're a romantic. Scientists call them a reflection of mental and emotional health instead. As long as you're happy or content, the flower is healthy too. But if you're distraught the petals will close or brown. It depends person to person, emotion to emotion. When Derek tells Stiles to take care of it, he means, take care of me.

The link between wolves and red is the link between madness and human mates.

Human-mates are red.

Scott leaves for ten years and comes back.

Becoming a werewolf is not Scott’s first foray into the supernatural. He was five when he understood not everyone saw the strings of color that connected certain people together. His abuela explained to him why the colors tie certain people together: “They are alma gemela. Made for one another.”

Stiles’ first memory of his mom is green. Her green eyes, her green dresses, her green scarves, her green blouses and her green barrettes.

Laura's not expecting two teenage boys to burst into the bakery, brandishing lacrosse sticks yelling about “Kidnap!” and “Pedobears!” and “Sex slaves are illegal!” She’s flabbergasted. “Cupcake?” Derek offers.

"What? Why would-- Derek, why would your daemon encourage mine to touch you?" Stiles fakes calm well, but his heart gives him away. "Because Luminera is a deviant." He shrugs. He accepted Luminera's reckless behavior years ago.

“See? I need my daisy crown or I won’t get Chased.” Stiles frowned. “And then I’ll have to do it again next year. I really don’t want to do it twice.” The good and the bad of getting Caught this year included not having to do it again and the bad was he’d have a werewolf mate for the rest of his life. Stiles is seventeen. He has a lot of life to live. Unless his wolfy mate has no sense of humor or a temper. Those with no sense of humor and tempers tended to hate Stiles the most and wouldn’t that suck? Being tied to someone for the rest of his life who hates him. That actually sounds like his type of luck. “You’ll be fine.” Allison beams because she’s a sweet person and can obviously read Stiles like a picture book aimed at toddlers. Series

Kaner's looking down at the kid, though, frowning. He crouches down. "Hey, kid, where are your parents?" The kid's bottom lip juts out and starts wobbling. Fuck, that means he's going to start crying, right? "Oh shi—oot, kid, don't cry," Kaner says. "I mean, if you don't know where they are, we can find 'em?" "Kaner," Sharpy presses. "That's Saad."

You spend the hours after you wake up pacing your hive, your stomach threatening to upturn and your bulge threatening to unsheathe. You're excited to the point that you're dripping with more than just sweat, yes, but you're also beyond nervous. Besides what you assume are the usual worries -- what if he doesn't show up, what if he takes one look at your butlerbot and is so unimpressed -- there's also the tiny little fact that you've never done any of this before. At all.

He just knows that Nepeta has been growing like a midblood, fast and hard, and either he's growing slow like a highblood (hah) or he's done already. And this should piss him off, and it vaguely does, even now, but they were having such a nice time reminiscing and then he tripped in the dark and she caught him, sure and effortless, and it was like every romcom ever only he was the heroine. The ensuing makeouts he blames on the alcohol. Not to say that when she lifted him off the ground by the waist to pin him to a tree and bring to more comfortable kissing height, his nook didn't flood like someone had dynamited a giant fucking dam.

Geno will maintain until his dying day that the first time he sets the house on fire is definitely not his fault.

["Dude," Jonny says. "You don't need to tell my girlfriend about the like seven times total we hooked up."] Lindsey is mistaken, Jonny is confused, and Kaner is uninformed (but has talked all of this out with his girlfriend like sensible people do).

A genderswapped/girls in the NHL series. Possibly circling around an enormous fic about Sidney Crosby's adventures in being the first female drafted no. 1 in the NHL and also to play in a non-exhibition game, starting at about age 13 and moving to the present. Maybe I'll write it this summer, because it needs a lot of research. While that's on hold, this is mostly just girl!kaner/Tazer porn and, apparently, character stamps about playoff beards or the lack thereof.

Ryan supposes that’s fair, if he was dating someone, he wouldn’t have put so much thought into choreographing a threesome either.

Do you remember the first time you saw the stars? The first time you looked up and realized there were an infinite number of worlds that humanity had left to discover? I don’t know how old I was when I first yearned to go up there; it’s all I’ve ever known. And I can tell you this — even though I have seen more worlds than I ever imagined, even though I have sacrificed so much to do this, I have never lost that desire to explore, or that profound amazement that I feel when I look up into the infinite wonder of the skies. - Captain Manon Rhéaume

Right, so, for whatever reason I’m too wound up to do any real writing tonight, so this is going to be tumblr-style not!fic of the Bruce Banner/James Rhodes story Iron Man 3 made me want, played fast and loose in this window. I may even write this fic someday! But if not, we’ll always have this tumblr post.

"I kind of... accidentally fantasized about Karkat while we were doing it. Which I do sometimes, not when we're messing around, just like-- uh, fuck, look, I'm--" Terezi puts a finger over your lips and you stammer to a stop. She nestles closer and sighs happily. "You too, huh?" You stare at the ceiling in bewilderment. Whatever response you were expecting, that was not it.

ust a brief missing scene between Pepper and Tony prior to the end of Iron Man 3.

IM3 SPOILERS! My Bot Oriented post-IM3 fic

Steve Rogers just wanted to sell good, nourishing, cheap food from his food truck. Now the crazy fusion chefs from TOBRU are calling him a hipster, the avant garde restaurant "Shield" across the street has declared war on chains, and...well, then there's Thor, who thinks Steve's habit of licking food is weird.

It's a whirlwind pale romance, unbelievable even by Troll Hollywood standards.

Okay. Here's the thing about Minnesota. We are the State of Hockey; everyone here grows up with hockey. It doesn't matter if you don't follow hockey, if your family doesn't follow hockey-- there is hockey everywhere. Flooding your backyard every winter is super normal. Every single sports store here sells ice skates and roller blades. A stupidly high percentage of kids play hockey-- our high school hockey tournaments are televised, and on cable too! (During one Wild game, the Wild were on a POWER PLAY and the announcers got distracted talking about the local HIGH SCHOOL hockey prospects.) When it comes to hockey, Minnesota is similar to Canada--in a way that, to our knowledge, isn't true in the rest of the United States, even other large hockey markets--with the pervasiveness of hockey in the local culture.

You start hanging around troll 4chan for the Mediaconflagration links. You, uh, stay for the porn.

It is important to keep in mind that when a human says, "I hate you," it is most certainly not a come-on. The only thing more horrific than human apathy is human hatred. They do, after all, have two words for friendship. Or so we thought.

AKA the one with the phone sex. In which Kaner finds out Jonny wants to fuck him and is pretty okay with that turn of events. Phone sex, picnic baskets, crazy eyes, hockey and insanity ensue.

Jeff made a good decision choosing hockey over figure skating. That doesn't mean he's let go of it completely.

jonny washes patrick's hair; patrick doesn't hate it.

Patrick writes his name on Jonny's to-send Christmas cards. It leads to feelings.

When NHL star Patrick Kane's off-ice antics finally get him into trouble for the last time, captain and best friend Jonathan Toews has one final trump card to keep him from being traded: marriage...to each other. But between being the first openly gay hockey players, facing down a lockout, and the fact that Patrick has been in love with Jonny for years, will these two ever be able to work past their miscommunication to realize that their marriage may not be as much of a sham as they think it is? Written for the Harlequin Big Bang 2013.

When the Becket brothers were chosen out of nearly 200 other candidates, Yancy wasn't surprised in the least. You didn't need a genius level IQ or a football scholarship to pilot a jaeger. All you needed was a good partner. And Raleigh was the best.

It starts like this: Well, okay, Patrick has no idea how it actually starts. But as pertains to him (in other words, the important part), it goes a little something like so: America, being a nation composed in large part of a melting pot of immigrants who may or may not have taken over land already owned by others using less-than-savory means, doesn’t have much of a magical national identity. Much less a magical continental identity. There’s no grand heritage going back thousands of years. Magical families home-schooled all their kids until, like, the 1800’s, and tough for the muggle-born, apparently. Hopefully you got noticed by someone who knew what to do with you before you got burned at the stake. Since you probably can’t control your powers, sport.

sometimes you have to go down before you can go out.

"I can't even TELL you how incredibly insanely JEALOUS I am of my own daughter."

Carts acts all shocked about Mike being willing to live with him, which, seriously. "Where did you pick up this idea that I'm a douchebag?" demands Mike. "If anything, you should be the one skeeved out about living with a dom." Carts snorts. "I've built up an immunity to your skeeviness." "Then we don't have a problem," says Mike. "Come on, Arnold's gonna flip his shit."

Kane blows past Toews' D and circles around, looking for an opening... and he finds one, taking a hard slapper, and Toews gets a piece of that.

Patrick is actually rooting against the Blackhawks the day he wins the contest, which makes it kind of embarrassing when the jumbotron shows him going nuts about it in his Sabres jersey. (AU in which Kaner is a Blackhawks fan who wins a contest to spend a week with the team.)

Kaner tries to fuck his way out of love. That goes as well as you might imagine. That's my summary. But liketheroad's summary is also applicable: In which THERE IS A BACHELOR AUCTION TO SAVE ALL THE PUPPIES OF CHICAGO AND TAZER IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO SAVE THOSE PUPPIES AND KANER TRIES TO FUCK HIS WAY OUT OF LOVE BUT OH TOO BAD FOR YOU KANER, YOU HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR THAT.