Trying hard to speak and Fighting with my weak hand. Driven to distraction, so part of the plan - when something is broken and you try to fix it - trying to repair it, any way you can.

"During a con, Parker runs into someone from her past. Anything that's warned for is alluded to as something that happened in the past, but I warned just to be safe. Parker gen and team fic."

Making a dick joke was a strategic error. You put the subject on the metaphorical table. You're now thinking about troll dick.

Kris is like an octopus when he is drunk; wiggly and floppy and with arms everywhere.

Frank bemoans the fact that the Way brothers are motherfucking cockteases. Gerard is VERY VERY SINCERE. Mikey shrugs. Often. Pete just needs a profound deep dicking. Frank can maybe help him out with that.

MCR/Adam high school au crossover fic where they go LARPing.

"The prompt was 'Transformation stuff - Laurence and Temeraire discover some sort of magic plot device artifact which allows them to change from human to dragon, or the other way around, or both. Sexytimes ensue, obviously.' Totally ran with that last bit." --novembersmith

Clint feeds Coulson. Domestic as hell.

Bucky discovers Steve was hiding in the wardrobe.

Author's Summary: Patrick writes his name on Jonny's to-send Christmas cards. It leads to feelings.

In which Scott notices Derek and Stiles, gets very confused, and tries to be a good friend.

Sometimes normal people have interactions with the Avengers that are more than just running, screaming, or getting rescued. When that happens, SHIELD has paperwork. Phil Coulson is very familiar with that paperwork. SHIELD has very, very strange employment interviews that occasionally involve flying Roombas, and Phil Coulson is not a SHIELD recruiter

"He misses his regular appointment to get shorn because he's too busy trying to keep Scott out of trouble and he starts to look a little bit like a hedgehog. By the time he misses the rescheduled appointment though, his hair's grown out enough that he really can't be bothered."

The thing about gymnastics is that it's a lot of work. And time. And busted muscles, And calluses everywhere. (Yes. Even there.) And having no social life whatsoever. All that for the distinction of being really good at gymnastics. Which does not exactly bolster Stiles's already tenuous masculinity.

Her parents congratulated Toph on learning to read, but said that as much as they admired her newfound ability to write they'd rather she didn't bend "Toph Bei Fong was here" into all the decorative boulders.

"Yes, Kaner," Sharpy's saying as Jonny sits down next to them with a beer. "It would indeed be gay to measure your teammates' dicks to find out whose is biggest."

By the fourth time Crosby has hung up on him, Alex has to admit that this has gone from funny to, frankly, a little hurtful.

A story about not!Russians, the Atlantis Hockey League, accidental offworld marriages (of course) and the intergalactic sex appeal of the mullet.

Laura and Derek are together a lot; Stiles doesn’t think anyone at Beacon Hills High School hasn’t had a naughty thought about their relationship at least once.

It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.

Drunken app coding. Marshmallow machine guns. Great Lakes shipping mishaps. Many many people yelling Tony's name. It's pretty much a regular day at the ThinkGeek offices. (Written for Pod Together 2012 by flyingthesky, and performed by canadasuperhero.)

Pete and Patrick, at the end of the world. A podfic of petewentz @ stumpalicious written by svmadelyn

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

But no one said anything about sisters. Wherein Derek drunk dials Stiles, Stiles didn't know ANYONE was that interested in his moles and Laura can't stop laughing.

"It's tough rattling around the house all by myself," the Sheriff says. "You boys are coming to dinner on Sunday nights from now on. Erica, too. You look like you could some feeding up. Do you eat anything aside from pie?" "Yes?" Derek says. He's not really sure how they ended up here, or how all that pie went so fast.

The third time, Stiles says, “You’re such a good boy,” while Derek’s quivering at his feet. It’s kind of tentative; his voice rising at the end like it’s a question, but the sound Derek makes in response…oh my God. And now Stiles really understands. He gets it.

In which Stiles is so over this peril business and Derek's baking has completely disrupted his entire world view.

The day starts with a wild goose chase. Given the past year, Derek figures things can only get worse.

"Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School."

what it says on the tin

The first day of Junior year for Stiles isn’t just spent going over course syllabi, but also finding out that while he had been shipped off to family for the summer, that the werewolves in town had an Alpha pack to deal with. Heavily frustrated, Team Human figure it’s long past time that they start taking their own safety into their hands.

Stiles is at the Hale house, lounging on the front stoop watching Isaac, Erica, and Boyd wrestle, when the baby comes running out of the woods. - Derek becomes instant father to a magically appearing baby and falls in love. Stiles can’t take the cute and worries Derek’s heart will break if he loses the kid.

Raleigh comes home with Mako for O-bon.

Bruce isn't sure he wants to use a credit card Tony gave him. Steve isn't sure he even knows how.

Darcy instructs Steve in the finer points of safer sex. The conversation doesn't go exactly the way she expected.

tumblr fic by idyll

“Make me a sandwich,” Parker says, so he does. “Cut the damn wire,” says Hardison, so he does. “Jump,” says Parker, says Hardison, and he never needs to ask, “How high?”

A reading of verity's story. The first time they had sex, it was the full moon, and things went very quickly...

On an exploration mission to Elissinar IV, Kirk talks Sulu into letting Dirandae, one of the President's aides, take them back to her room to "look at a plant". It turns out the Elissinar have entirely different sexual organs from Terrans. Hey, exploration missions can be fun!

Of all the things Sid expects to see Geno doing when he walks into his house, it certainly isn’t sitting on his couch knitting. (Or; the one where Geno is a secret stress knitter.)

“I can’t,” Patrick says. “Not tonight.”

“I still need a quote for our Powerful Women issue,” Christine says. “Some days, I almost don’t want to stab Tony Stark in the face,” Pepper responds.

Brian closed his eyes and tried to keep from puking on his tiny corner of the holding cell. So. Screwed. O’Conner.

Fear is the enemy

Dom is elbows deep in a Jetta with a fucked alternator when he hears the familiar growl of Brian's car at the front of the garage. It's the deep-throated roar of American muscle, which still surprises him a little whenever he hears it. Brian's always been drawn to sleek lines and flash, but when he saw the hulk of the Challenger rotting in a junkyard outside Mexicali he'd grinned and said something about Miami and good times.

"IM3 SPOILERS! My Bot Oriented post-IM3 fic"

Brian has hidden his submissive orientation most of his life out of necessity more than desire and he's been fine. Really. Until he meets Dominic Toretto then fine doesn't really fit the situation anymore. A BDSM-universe AU of The Fast and the Furious.

"When Kon gets hit with sex pollen, all he wants is Tim."

Troy and Abed meet the in-laws.

Britta decides Abed and Troy should be honest with the group about their relationship.