Darcy should have seen it coming. She couldn't hang around the spandex crowd forever and not end up with a great big target painted on her back eventually. She was just surprised it took Loki so long.

After his fall from the Bifrost, Loki finds himself taken in by a suburban family and lacking most of his magic. He resolves to escape them as soon as possible. This does not go the way he planned.

Modern-Day High School AU. It’s not until Hank realises half the class are glancing towards the back of the classroom with something like nerves and something like schadenfreude that he finds out Alex Summers is back.

"I’m trying to like you, Tony. You’re just making it very hard." Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

Eighteen-year-old Tony Stark is the boy genius who woke Captain America, and now he's stuck with him. That's not a bad thing, but between Steve's wide-eyed wonder at the new world and Tony's little fanboy crush, the awkwardness just keeps happening.

Tony is enlisted to help Steve Rogers acclimate to the modern world. Expect humor, friendship, muted drama, and page after page of awkward conversations. As of now, slash if you squint.

"Listen, you're hot to get me into the armor so that it's a fair fight when you take out your anger on me for not being my dad. Wouldn't it be more fun if we just did that because we liked it?"

It was supposed to be just an assignment. Falling for the person she was supposed to protect wasn’t really in the plan. But when do plans ever stay the same?

just two hormonal teenaged boys talking about their dicks.

Non-Sburb AU. Bro Strider has to raise a kid with gender dysphoria. Trying not to screw Dave up permanently is hard, and nobody understands.

Alternate names – ‘this human emotion called ‘butt-touch,’’ ‘but who tops,’ ‘parkourstuck’ Steps 1. Be Dave Strider, human, tricker extraordinaire and minor GrubTube sensation. Meet some douchebag at a practice session. 2. Be Karkat Vantas, troll, traceur with a few tricks and an ornery fucker with something to hide. 3. Step into the trick, keep your core tight, and flip. 4. Keep flipping. 5. Now kiss. Tips -Drink plenty of water. -Don’t slow down as you’re approaching the obstacle! That’s stutter-stepping, and you will fuck up hard. -Knees up, shoulders back. -Quit worrying already and touch his hot butt.

Once Karkat figures out the trick to getting John's attention, it's all smooth sailing from there.

More than two sweeps after being returned to a restored Alternia, the trolls face impending adulthood and banishment from the planet. Gamzee Makara fully expects to be culled on conscription for poor health and sopor addiction - what he doesn't count on is the personal attention and protection of the Grand Highblood.

The halls of the Gods are empty, echoing with unheard prayers. The forces of corruption and decay are growing in power. Soon they shall sweep across the world like an unholy plague. From the deep caverns beneath the majestic Dragonshard Mountains, across the mighty Greenweald Forest, to the fair city of Porthaven on the storm-wracked coast, there are fourteen people with the mark of a divine ruler on their skin. They do not know it, but they and only they can save the world from apocalypse and ruin. So naturally, they're going to spend as long as possible arsing about slaying monsters and looting ancient temples. 'Cos, you know, adventurers.

Companion Pieces to "In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family was Assigned by Nick Fury)" Sometimes I write foolish things (disclaimer: I always write foolish things) and sometimes there are lines, or actions, or interactions that only make sense to me. Because I have reasons for almost everything. And some part of me is waiting for someone to ask me about the bizarre little things I put in my stories. Occasionally, someone is dumb enough to do just that, and then I babble at them on my Tumblr (http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com). I BABBLE SO MUCH. This is a compilation of all the short stories of why characters react the way they do in my stories. Some are drabbles, some are character studies, some are short stories. Some are edited, some are stream of consciousness. All are foolishness. I like it that way. And I love answering questions. 8)

"An immense saucer descending from the clouds and impacting the ground, as the press and through them the people of Earth looked on in shock and awe. That was the scene in California's Mohave desert two years ago today: the historic first view of the Alternian ship upon its dramatic arrival. Their ship was a refugee ship carrying a quarter million children and young adults ready to settle in almost any environment, but they washed ashore on Earth with no way to get back to where they came from. Civil liberties attorneys successfully lobbied for the Alternians' release from quarantine and in the last two years, the Alternians have become the latest addition to the population of Los Angeles." The representitives of a race of newcomers fight to give their people a home on Earth- but even without the deadly killer stalking the streets of LA, just surviving is hard enough for some. Can humans and aliens work together to build a better future? Or is it all doomed to end in bloodshed? One thing is for sure - for sixteen teenagers, this is going to be a dangerous week. AUTHOR'S NOTE: You don't have to know Alien Nation at all to read, understand or enjoy this fic!

"And then I saw a new Alternia, for the old Alternia had passed away." -- St. Troll John Cusack How the Empire knelt to a clown, a mutant and a lawyer.

'There's a whole other story, about that, a girl with mirrors over her eyes and a man who was scared to care about anything.'

--Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. --

When Canadian figure skater Jeff Skinner wrecked his knee, he never could have imagined that he'd end up helping pay his way through college as a live-in babysitter for Eric Staal's three-year-old son, Joey.

Heroes In Manhattan: From Captain America's Hidden Talents To The Truth About The Hulk, We Debunk The Myths And Expose The Daily Lives Of The Avengers.

It had taken her quite some time to name her Queensguard. Not to choose them; Sansa had been choosing them for a great deal of time – since the day she watched her father die, in truth – her choices growing and expanding over the years until she’d known with no doubt who would make up her Queensguard before she knew for certain she would be Queen. But a Stark girl ruling Westeros alone was unprecedented enough, even without her unorthodox choice of guard, so Sansa had tread carefully when naming them, choosing her times and her methods with all the canniness she’d learned at the hands of men like Petyr Baelish and women like Cersei Lannister.

AU, from the end of 3x07 in which certain events don't happen and Brienne ends up as the reluctant guest of the Lannisters in King's Landing. (TV universe only, though some details from the books might sneak their way across)

In the summer after Harry's sixth year, Harry and Remus uncover a section of the Marauder's Map which has been hidden for the past twenty years, releasing a carbon copy of sixteen-year-old Sirius Black from its depths. As they prepare for the impending war, Sirius must find a place for himself in this new world, Harry must find a way to destroy Voldemort, and Remus must face his own past while trying to build a tenuous future with Tonks.

In an alternate universe where Sirius Black never went to Azkaban, Harry divides his life between the Dursleys' house and Mr. Black's bookshop -- until Sirius realises what the Dursleys are doing to him, and takes him away from their care.

Spock is pretty much doomed the minute Jane realizes that the fatshirt is incredibly slutty, and also regulation.

"And remember: Star-Burns died for your sins." Wherein wishes become a[n almost] daily phenomenon, rules are broken and re-negotiated, and Greendale continues to evolve around shifting student-body relationships. This picks up immediately after 4x01, effectively an alternate Season 4 (and everything thereafter, for that matter). Expect occasional additions (e.g. the recent arrival of #11).

In which the folks from Greendale are in the Kickpuncher fandom and it causes about as much trouble as you'd expect.

From snkkink. On the night of their graduation, the 104th recruits have a wild celebration and get drunk. Really drunk. None more drunk than Those Three. (And they are crazy drunks.) The last anyone sees of them, they are in full 3DMG and hurtling themselves off Wall Rose, screaming something about seeing the ocean. The next morning, the hangover is impressive, three graduates are missing, and a path of destruction leads away from Wall Rose. As for Armin, Eren and Mikasa, they wake up at the ocean. They're not sure how they got there, but getting back is one hell of an adventure. There may have been some cults founded. Armin might be an evil mastermind. And, hey, Eren can turn into a Titan. That might just be the least weird part.

Fumizuki Academy is holding an exhibition at Ouran Academy to show off the Summoner Test system. The Ouran students get a crash-course in academic dueling, and Fumizuki gets a crash-course on the most popular boys in school. Things get complicated when Kyouya decides to make a bet of it. Why do the Hitachiin twins keep calling Hideyoshi "Baby"? Why is Pome, Mori's raccoon, in a sweater? Why does Kasanoda need a bit of a lie-down? Does Kyouya ever make a bet he isn't sure he'll win?

Armin, Eren and Mikasa inherit a brothel. A very classy brothel, that's popular with the military. They have no idea what they're doing, but with Armin's cunning, Mikasa's ability to kick ass, and Eren's mysterious kink-discovering skills, they pull through okay. Mostly.

Naruto’s friends are gone, his lover is dying, Konoha is destroyed, and Madara’s second return has pushed the entire world to the brink. Hunted and harried, Naruto is sent back in time to upend Madara’s plan before it even starts, and sets about changing everything. Butterfly effect nothing: the world is at stake, and Naruto is hardly about to let it fall to ruin once more. Not while he’s still breathing.

When Mikasa was still young enough to be carried everywhere she went, her mother would clasp her tight and spin them in slow, gentle circles, while her father hummed a gentle tune that she would later forget. When she was six, she watched her father take her mother in his arms and swing them around the garden, their legs somehow tangling without tripping, heads thrown back in laughter, and she clapped along with the rhythm of their footsteps. And when she was nine, a boy with a knife showed her a different kind of dance altogether.

He fights alone for what the rest of humanity has forgotten, and doesn't even know to ask.

Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.

A party was never quite a proper party in Tevinter until there was at least one assassination attempt, and the novelty in the attempt at Magister Caius’ party lay not quite in its actual occurrence but in the ambition of its assassin. At the height of Caius’ decidedly juvenile lyrium-laced drinking game, during the start of dinner, Magister Fabiana made a sudden gesture close to the Divine, all the while leaning closer, as if to say something private. Divine Leontius’s hand snapped up, viper-quick, grabbing Fabiana’s hand high on the wrist. She rose from her seat, fright and outrage both in her eyes, fire stealing hot up from her trapped wrist before it was abruptly… gone. Shock froze Fabiana’s snarl in her throat, even as, with a gentle, almost intimate economy, Leontius pulled Fabiana towards him and shoved a dagger up through her ribcage.

Dorian is not returning to Tevinter, as such. He just happens to be the best person to pop over the border and chase down a few leftover Venatori, that's all. He'll be back to Skyhold in no time. Turns out the road to starting a revolution is paved with good intentions.

Tyrion knew, as he gazed up at the dark skinned Martell man that this was perhaps his only chance to spirit Sansa out of King's Landing and away from his father's greedy fingers. Tywin Lannister would have married the girl himself if he felt he could have gotten away with it, and so Tyrion knew his own marriage was no protection to Ned Stark's daughter whatsoever. "Invite her, demand her, steal her--whatever you choose, Prince Oberyn, choose it soon. Else my lady wife shall break into more pieces than the stars."

The Wave Mission is a failure. Team Seven is captured. Sasuke is gone. Kakashi is next. Sakura has no choice but to be a hero.

Raleigh is loud as fuck during sex. Mako probably isn't, but maybe Chuck just can't hear her over Raleigh's caterwauling. And Chuck… is not as unaffected by that as he wants to be.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The Dead Girl Remix. With all your favorites, digitally remastered.

After saving an illegally enslaved apostate mage from an Orlesian noble, The Iron Bull finds himself with a new member of the Chargers. Dorian, his magic and his voice bound, is a beautiful and enigmatic addition to his team, and soon finds himself close to his new family. Swept up in the Inquisition after a plea from a friend, The Iron Bull and Dorian find themselves carefully dancing around the ideas of home, family, love, and what it means to truly be free. As The Iron Bull wrestles with the Qun and what it will cost him, Dorian comes to grips with his past as both Altus and slave, and together they begin paving the way for a future neither expected.

The theory of extrapolative synchronization of the mirror neurons was debunked back when he was still in his teens, so Jack is reluctant to mention that he can smell Bitty's pies baking from across campus.

Where the loss of ignorance is more valuable than the knowledge gained, and Edward figures out the source of alchemy a lot sooner than before. "Edward has cockroaches under his skin and leeches in his veins. He's vibrating and bursting and his body is too small, too big, doesn't fit quite right. He needs Al to know - needs to tell someone, anyone, but he will cut out his own tongue before he burdens anyone else with this knowledge."

He bled out on the snowy grounds of the Night’s Watch, not expecting to wake again. But he did wake, and it was not in the forlorn outreaches of the Wall, but back at Winterfell, where King Robert Baratheon was a day’s ride away… Old Nan had always warned against changing fate, but how can Jon refuse a chance to prevent the game of thrones?

Jason Todd isn't what Batman made him, he isn't what the Joker made him, he isn't what the League of Assassins made him, and he isn't what the Lazarus Pit made him. He's his own person and he's taking himself back, one home renovation at a time. Also he might just make friends with the people who are supposed to be his brothers while he's at it.

possible subtitle: and other reasons The Iron Bull is no longer allowed to suggest titles for his films In which Dorian is just getting used to his new life in Ferelden, when he discovers that his upstairs neighbour is somebody he knows. And by knows he means recognises from the movies, and by movies he means porn, and by recognises he means has had a slight obsession with since Rilienus taught him the twin joys of proxy servers and sites that charge their subscription to your credit card under names like ART FILMS, INC. (also: in which Halward is an asshole, as always, Rilienus is kinda a jerk, Felix remains perfect because Felix, and Sera is the mystical goddess who grad students pray to when they want free leftover sandwiches to turn up)

No one ever said that pirates fight fair, but if someone bites you in a fight then it's perfectly reasonable to bite them back. Sanji has to learn that life isn't fair and nothing else is either but that bad jokes and falling in love certainly makes unlife worth living. Zosan/Sanzo tw:blood and blood drinking

'cause we make a great team Boredom's a real killer when you've topped your resume by taking down an international criminal organization. Wade's been in the market for a new pet project, and who should happen to come along but our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man? Peter's understandably a little shy of our charming Merc with the Mouth, but luckily for him, he happens to know a certain damsel not-so-much-in-distress that's willing to serve as an excellent character witness. From there it's just a short hop, skip, and one huge leap for spiderkind into a whole new world of trouble for our web-slinging hero. Good thing he's starting to learn to like trouble. Featuring: stalking (for justice and otherwise), showtunes, a series of increasingly improbable dinner dates, the Apartment of Doom, a judicious amount of mad science, homoerotic fight sequences, highly sexual tai-chi, musical montages, and a truly sickening amount of domestic bliss.