AO3 port of Brainbent, a reader-driven Homestuck AU on Tumblr. Warning for mental illness themes. Major updating in progress as I move the story posts here from Tumblr for an easier archive bingeing experience.

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

Drabbles inspired by the Texts From Last Night website.

15 texts that were never sent in Westeros.

"The princesses discuss their sex lives over tea and scones."

The 'verse in which Steve used to be a sex worker, Steve and Bucky have always been polyamorous bisexuals, the Barbershop Quartet OT4 is an actual open-poly quartet, and Steve cycles through all the Avengers (except you, Tony.)

Supplemental material for the multi-chaptered Davekat fic Within, Without Please access this only through links from the main fic! I'm also not going to tag relationships or characters or anything else for this in an effort to avoid clogging up tags. I'll just be tagging for triggers.

A podfic of "Dance With Me Tonight" by SecondStarOnTheLeft. "Arianne and Edmure’s wedding is the event of the decade, at least within their specific social circle, and everyone who is anyone is invited. Which means an absurd number of nephews, nieces, cousins, friends and assorted hangers-on, of course. (Otherwise known as "I can too write fluff")"

"A series of awkward situations in which her friends discover Kel has been...intimate with someone. Being as nosy as they are, they then proceed to embarrass her on their quest to discover who has "conquered" the unconquerable lady knight."

A collection of ficlet-like rambles and other HP-centric stuff from my tumblr. Ficlet-Ramble #1: Seventh-Year will put Your Name in GOF for a Sickle You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you're going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

Rule number one: Never take your eyes off the Mist. The Tenth is the only reason it works, and that's because Tsuna doesn't know how to give up on anything. Or anyone. And when it's the Tenth asking, somehow everyone just seems to end up going along with it one way or another in the end.

A collection of short stories depicting new versions of old myths. OR: What happens to Icarus after he fell, Hermes and Hestia meddle and save humanity, and Hades would just like a nap.

In which Ryuji valiantly pretends he's not bi and none of his friends are hot.

Stannis Baratheon flowers as an omega after the end of Storm End's siege, what will it mean for Westeros?

Possibly some of these will become longer, but not yet. Currently featuring (among others): - child!Jin Ling gets himself kidnapped by a well-meaning Wen Ning - truth serum trope - Nie Huaisang steals the Ghost General - Nie sect adopts the Yiling Patriarch - a variety of arranged marriages - crossover (Leverage, Naruto, Legends of Tomorrow) - dragons dragons everywhere - unintentional black widow WWX - Jiang Cheng is thrown into the burial mounds - NHS wields a fan as a weapon - JC interferes with the events on the Qiongqi Path - Lan Sizhui is Wen Ruohan's son and meets him unknowingly - WWX is named chief cultivator - Jiang Yanli's spirit responds to Lan Wangji's constant playing of Inquiry - WWX & LWJ locked away behind the Wall - LWJ stays in the burial mounds but it affects him - JC does impossible things

MDZS ships, and a headcanon for each one

a version of the nhl where every rookie that makes the show is a virgin (though this is pretty variable), and every team has a couple of guys whose job on top of hockey is to fuck the rookie on camera. videos are passed on to every team captain because the captain of a winning team gets to choose a player from the losing team to fuck (or bestow upon another player on their team to fuck). as such, this series contains somewhat dubious consent inherent to the premise.

I already have the post with Young Justice verse Jason & Damian comic strips where all my fluffy stuff goes, so this is where most of my horny bottom Jason art goes.

A performance of "Who Would Say No?" written by snafsnaf. Author's summary: How can a heroine be an Austen heroine if she doesn't turn down a marriage proposal? To the tune of the Christmas Carol, "Up on the Housetop."

Normally, she wouldn’t be here—there was flimsiwork to be done, wounded to visit, and loved ones to write letters to explaining the deaths of their sisters, but after she had limped onto the transport that was bound off the battlefield and back to the Endurance, Ponds, also one of the last off the field, laying eyes on her for the first time in days after they’d separated for the battle, had taken one look at her and firmly told her that she needed a break. Mace hadn’t had the energy to argue—Ponds, when convinced of something, was quietly stubborn to the end. So Mace had gone through a list of places she could quietly retreat to on Coruscant that weren’t close enough to the Temple for anyone to recognize her out of Jedi robes, and had ended up picking the Moonlight on a half remembered memory. Series

“It has to be earth,” a voice says, insistent, and A'Sharad pauses before he can round the corner, faintly surprised.