"You asked for my hand."

This is not happening. He's not chained up in the back of a van driving through the desert to fucking Arkansas of all places. He definitely hasn't been kidnapped by some tiny adorable dude with a gun babbling about how Adam is his mate. And there is no way in hell he's a werewolf. Except for how the first two things are very clearly true, and he's starting to worry about the third.

Kris is like an octopus when he is drunk; wiggly and floppy and with arms everywhere.