The Emperor looks at Tang Fan’s confused face and elaborates. “Tang Fan, you have caused quite a stir in the palace,” he pauses, “as Lady Tang.” Tang Fan frowns at Sui Zhou and Wang Zhi, both who are not quite meeting his eyes. “Your majesty, I don’t understand.” The Emperor smiles. “It is simple. The Empress Dowager wants a wedding. If you marry into the palace, Noble Consort Wan will be unhappy. If you don’t marry Sui Zhou, the Empress Dowager will be unhappy. We don’t want them unhappy.” - In which every party is once again scheming, Tang Fan and Sui Zhou are pawns, but somehow it ends up okay.

Tang Fan writes a new romance novel that reaches new heights of obvious pining, Wang Zhi takes matters into his own hands, a guest comes to stay, and Sui Zhou continues to be a irresponsible combination of jealous and oblivious. (This takes place somewhere nebulously in the middle of the series, but really it could happen at any point, no spoilers)

“It’s like my ad says,” Tang Fan says. “We can talk. Or you can talk, and I can listen, or I can talk to you. About anything. Or … I could talk dirty to you?” Tang Fan does have regulars who want sex stuff, but really, what he does only qualifies as phone sex maybe one call in twenty. Mostly, it’s just Tang Fan chatting with lonely people. But he can handle the sexy stuff, obviously, and if the Man with the Sexy Voice wants sexy, Tang Fan is very willing to — actually, he decides, a little unnerved by his own enthusiasm, better not to finish that thought. This is a business transaction, after all. This is the gig economy. “Not this time,” the Man with the Sexy Voice says, almost apologetic, like he’s forgotten that he’s paying Tang Fan for this. “Just — maybe if you could talk to me about something you find interesting?” In which Tang Fan develops some rather inconvenient feelings for a late-night caller to his phone sex line.

Sui Zhou has known Tang Fan is gay since he met him, and he's known about drag nights at Huanyi for almost as long. It has never been a problem for him. Seeing it for himself shouldn't change that.

To draw out a likely blackmailer, Sui Zhou and Tang Fan have to manufacture some blackmail material.

If Tang Fan believed Sui Zhou harbored any amorous intent towards him, well, to put it mildly, Sui Zhou wouldn’t need to lace his tea with any aphrodisiacs.

Sui Zhou picks up the book, balancing it atop one thigh as he pages through. "The author has included many falsehoods. The love scenes are completely unrealistic." He looks up, holding Tang Fan's wide, surprised gaze with his own steady one. "Actually, I would bet two hundred taels that whoever wrote this is a virgin." Tang Fan chokes on nothing, finally managing to squawk, "What!" ----- Sometimes the only way to improve one's erotic novels is to receive a proper demonstration of good technique.

Nearly a year after Li Zilong’s failed coup, Wang Zhi writes to his friends in the capital, asking for help. Assembling a team of friends and experts, Tang Fan answers the call. What they find on the border is not what they expected.

Tang Fan chats up a drunk patron to get some evidence.

Under absolutely no circumstances is Runqing allowed to touch the wok.

Dong-er wasn’t dumb, she had seen these symptoms before, she knew what they meant. Tang Da-ge’s pregnant.

Sui Zhou watches as Li Zilong hooks a finger through the ring of the kid’s collar to pull him down onto the seat beside him. The kid opens his mouth and sticks his tongue out. Li Zilong places a fat, baby blue pill onto it. The kid closes his mouth but Li Zilong doesn't let him move away, still holding on to the ring in his collar. He lifts up his drink and holds it up to the kid’s lips. The kid struggles to swallow it all. Some liquid spills out and drips down his chin. When it’s over he sticks his tongue out again, showing Li Zilong his empty mouth. Li Zilong pats him lightly on the cheek and shoves him away. / In which Sui Zhou goes to a party, meets a boy and takes him home.

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

"Surely I don't need underthings to be in proper disguise," Tang Fan says, chewing on his lip.

“It is fair.” Tang Fan says decisively, getting up, heading to the bedroom. “While I think about what kind of purchase that could make you act like this, you can think about whether it is worth keeping a secret.” or Sui Zhou goes on Tao/bao

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou's house.

If he hadn't seen a vibrating butt plug on top of the stack of "absolutely mission critical clothes" Wang Zhi had left for him, Sui Zhou would have dismissed the faint buzzing as a phone vibrating, and Tang Fan's look of shock as a surprising bite of food. It's not. He is definitely wearing a vibrating butt plug and it definitely just turned on. Sui Zhou is not sure what to do with this information.

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl. Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Sui Zhou just wants a drink to take the edge off after a shit day.

Tang Fan needs some help blocking out some positions for his latest novel.