A conversation about their personal habits leads Souji to prove to the team that he's just as capable of being dirty as they are.

Alright, look, confession - Tony has been masturbating to Captain America since he was thirteen.

For an LJ avengerkink prompt: Steve is very confused/weirded out by the distinct lack of pubic hair on modern women (or at least the women Tony has forcibly exposed him to). Sure he's a virgin, but he's seen naughty pictures/European burlesque shows. Therefore he's more than a little apprehensive when Natasha finally gets her panties off. Luckily she's a firm believer in giving her partners something to hold on to. Steve goes wild. +1 - it happens during group sexytimes and all the others stop what they're doing to watch Steve eat her out

Pepper didn't want to know how Natasha had access to a camera overlooking the gym showers. She just wanted more margaritas.

CG: HARLEY, WHEN I SAID THAT I WOULD RATHER CULL MYSELF WITH THE DULL END OF A SCALEMATE BEFORE I EVER GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO RECOIL IN ABJECT REVULSION BEFORE MY HIDEOUS VISAGE CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW BE AMENABLE TO INSTEAD PERFORMING A DAPPER SHOW AND TELL ROUTINE?

Wherein Sidney Crosby gets laid, and Russian diplomacy saves the day.

You start hanging around troll 4chan for the Mediaconflagration links. You, uh, stay for the porn.

You're a late bloomer at nine sweeps, and you don't yet have a concupiscent quadrant filled. This leaves you alone and self-pailing for the duration of your mating cycle—at least, that was the idea. When Karkat bursts in on you, it sort of throws off your plans for the week.

Honestly, Pat isn't sure how they got here. He's had a lot to drink, and they've been engaged in about four hours of what was Mario Kart war but turned into an epic Smash Bros. tournament, and somewhere along the way bets that required badges of honour were made, except instead of badges of honour somebody—okay, probably Pat—decided they were to be badges of shame, and somebody—again, probably Pat—decided the winner got to mark the loser so everybody could heckle him until it faded.

Honestly, Pat isn't sure how they got here. He's had a lot to drink, and they've been engaged in about four hours of what was Mario Kart war but turned into an epic Smash Bros. tournament, and somewhere along the way bets that required badges of honour were made, except instead of badges of honour somebody—okay, probably Pat—decided they were to be badges of shame, and somebody—again, probably Pat—decided the winner got to mark the loser so everybody could heckle him until it faded.

My first attempts at Tim/Kon, and it shows. I've since made some edits, but not all that many as these things go. The fascinating thing to me is that, almost ten years later, I wouldn't change much of *anything* about the Kon.

“I’m not doing you in the seats,” Pat says, tilting his head back to grin up at Jonny’s red face. “Turn around.” [Timestamp for put your money where your mouth is]

2014: Ice Bucket Challenge. 2015: Wax Off Heart Disease. 2016: mass hysteria.

Bacchus says the Percy and Jason having sex will be a suitable sacrifice to get him to help them defeat the giant twins. These two fics show two different scenarios for how that could play out.

AVN BREAKING NEWS-- DIAMOND VISTA RIDGE BREAKS HIS CONTRACT WITH HALE HOUSE "We haven't seen much of our favorite rock hard stud from Hale House ever since that indie twink dethroned him as champion in Orgasm Wars, but it's just been confirmed that Diamond will no longer be working for the legendary studio famous for producing some of our favorite werewolf-on-human works. Don't fret, Diamond fans, it looks like he's been spotted cozying up to True Alpha Studios! Apparently he couldn't get enough of that one human and then followed him home. Could it be true love? Keep your eye on this studio-- us at AVN think we're about to get a lot more of Diamond in a very new way!" ~ The one in which (almost) everyone is a porn star, and Derek just wants to curl up with his fluffy blanket and watch the Hallmark channel, but work and falling in love gets in the way.

“You don’t have to tell them it was me. I mean, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop leaving marks if you want me to. Just..." He lifts up Jack’s shirt and touches one of the hickeys. When he looks back up, his eyes have gone dark. “I really, really like it. Do you mind?”

Derek smirks at her, eyes hooded as he leans closer still, until his lips are brushing her ear. His breath fans hotly over the curve of her neck and Stiles shudders, knuckles going white as she clasps them together between her legs. “Touch yourself,” he whispers, the curve of his lips a shade too wicked.

Why the Beforan equivalent of yourself didn't appear here, you're not sure, though you suspect it has something to do with direct and indirect transference and the extent to which each of you had contact with game code prior to this remix of the universe; the Ancestors from Alternia had vague memories of being their Beforan selves, so both versions re-instanced, but as far as you know you're the only version of Sollux Captor the game was aware of. Poor Sollux, you jeer internally, all alone in the world. If you were to quadrant yourself, you're not sure whether self-hate or self-pity would be the dominant emotion, but either way, you're getting off on it. God, you make yourself sick. You hold your bulge like you're trying to restrain it, but who the fuck are you kidding. It wraps around your fingers, both tendrils snaking and coiling harder the more you try to will them to stop, like don't-think-of-a-trunkbeast, and you rub at them distractedly because you can't stand not to. Sollux Captor, system architect of the new universe, reduced to thinking with his bulge by two copies of his ancestor being obnoxious at each other. Fuck your hot life.

Tyler thought things would be different in Dallas. He just had no idea how different it could be.

dirkhal art fill for drone season 2015

Conner has a very specific fantasy in mind. He wants Tim to watch, and Tim is more than glad to do so.

A follow-up to Would Have, And Did. In which Rilienus' lover enjoys watching him have sex with other men, Rilienus enjoys being the centre of attention, Dorian is in charge of it all and The Iron Bull thinks that's hot. (Also some feelings).

Their first date is objectively pretty great. But later, when Bucky comes after Steve slides inside him and slaps him on the ass, Steve knows this is going to be fun.

Of all the wonderful things to come out of peace talks, Tobirama relishes Izuna's jealousy the most.

His arm wasn't the only thing the Galra changed. They also gave him certain... needs. Shiro learns to make it work for him.

Simon goes to Raphael in the hope to make peace with him after the events of Season 1's finale. It goes a whole lot better than he could ever have expected.

or, why Eddie Brock can never return to his favorite coffee shop

Yuuri, under the username of Eros, is a size queen omega who most certainly does not have an obsession with fellow camboy and legendary silver-haired alpha Aria. Just like Phichit is not the most meddlesome roommate known to man.

Lan Wangji discovers a kink. Wei Wuxian narrowly avoids discovering Lan Wangji's kink.

When Nie Huaisang gets paired with straight porn star Jiang Cheng for a five-part series, he’s sure it will be an utter disaster. Until the cameras start rolling and their chemistry alights like wildfire. (Or, the five times Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have sex for their job, and the first time they have sex outside of it.)

"You're sure this is okay?" Yibo mumbles now, curling his knees beneath his chin on the toilet seat. "You don't have to check in with me every time," Xiao Zhan says, sounding warm over the fuzzy connection. His face is clear and his eyes are bright. Yibo feels himself relaxing. "Just tell me all about it later, yeah?"

Mingjue takes up baking, and Huaisang suffers terribly for it.

He didn’t know until this moment just how much he wanted Mingjue to ask for it—for anything—to take the reins Huaisang has been holding out for so long and pull them tight and demand.

“There’s still time to back out, you know,” Wei Ying says, quiet enough that even the attendants waiting at the corners of their table won’t hear. Lan Wangji pauses in the middle of reaching for the sash on Wei Ying’s—on his husband’s—outer robes. A pit opens in his stomach. His hand falls to his lap, and he lifts his eyes to meet Wei Ying’s. “Is that what you want?” --- The components of the marriage ceremony are easy in theory. The handfasting, the bows, the feast... and the Taking.

When Loki and Thor are caught attempting to steal from a Temple they discover that the hushed stories about the the cruelty and perversion of its punishments are all true. But when Loki is involved, things are never quite as they seem.

In which Sharpy bothers Jonny with his camera, and Jonny, well, likes it a lot.

Geno is a beta. That doesn't mean he isn't the team's omega.

“You’re an investment,” Pat had told Sid over and over. “You’re a talent, and we’re not letting the league freeze you out for this.” The NHL demands omegas be bonded to play. Sid, unwilling to lose hockey, agrees to enter into a bond with the Penguins' draft prospect Evgeni Malkin. It does not go as they planned.

Taylor loves it, everyone watching while he fucks himself on Adam’s dick and Adam’s hands are tight on his hips while he tells Taylor how good he looks, how everyone wants to be where Adam is. He loved it back in juniors and it’s even better now.

It’s a game. It’s a game to see how loud he can be and not have anyone but Nicky hear him, a game to see what he can do without anyone but Nicky noticing.

For the record: Travis does hook up. A completely normal amount, even.

Jamie’s always known his girlfriend has a dirty mind.

In any case that's old news now. Roman is in Europe and Miro isn't assigned to anyone anymore. He chose to be with Roope, and Roope is a possessive kind of dom. He hasn't brought anyone else into their bed in the year they've been together, and Miro is okay with that. He likes belonging to Roope. But it's not like he never thinks about it. And today, he's thinking about it.

Navin is marrying Jaya today, and he’s overjoyed beyond belief, he truly is. Only, in his parts of the world, a marriage is a public affair. Very, very public. Goddess, help him.

Bull and Cullen return from vacation just in time to show their new neighbor the sights.

Isabela is the last person Cullen expected to see in Skyhold, but since she's here, they might as well get re-acquainted.

or, Takamaki Ann's gonna Get What She Wants (and so is everyone else)

Believe it or not, Obi-Wan Kenobi had a rebellious phase. It just so happened that, once acquired, he never really grew out of it. -- In which Obi-Wan is a hobbyist exotic dancer. (And is really rather good at it, too.)

Three inches in front of Sanji's face, Zoro is wearing an expression that could wither stone. "What the fuck," the swordsman snarls, "do you think you’re doing." The remaining logical dregs of Sanji's brain recognize that he's just gotten himself into a pretty dicey situation. The rest of it apparently doesn't fucking care, though, because the absurd line of response he comes up with is to grin right in Zoro's supremely pissed-off face and say- "Well, what was your dumb ass doing?" In which the crew’s plastered, Zoro needs to blow off some steam, and Sanji gets taught a lesson or two.

jaskier has three things: an unstoppable libido, a limitless imagination, and the continent's sexiest traveling companion. sometimes, this leads to certain accidents. they become a little less accidental over time. or: five times jaskier accidentally orgasms because of geralt, and one time he comes very much on purpose.