We can't all be werewolves.

Avengers at the State Fair: “What is Thor eating?” James asked. “Walking taco. With … ice cream.” "How many tickets did Coulson give him?” "Too many.”

For this prompt on the LJ Kinkmeme: Stiles leaves leaves a notebook of his at Derek's or in his car or whatevs, and Derek goes to take it to him and notices that it's filled with little hearts with Stiles+Derek, and Stiles Hale, and Derek Stilinski, and tons of doodles of little wolves.

on occasion of the strider-pyrope wedding

This was going to mess with his game

Oshie really wants Kaner to measure Jonny's dick.

"Come on! Do him for America, Chuey!" Hilary yelled.

Krypto likes to take care of Kon as much as Kon likes to take care of Krypto. When Kon is hungry, Krypto fetches him food. When Kon is sleepy, Krypto fetches him blankets. And when Kon is horny, Krypto fetches him Tim. Which leaves Kon the not-so-fun job of awkwardly explaining to Red Robin why he's been dragged to Smallville in the middle of the night by a well-meaning superdog.

"On the bright side," Dick says as he shimmies down the building, "You didn't raise a group of homicidal, raging, vengeful killers and sociopaths so much as you raised a group of emotionally-volatile, obsessive, spiteful vigilantes and paper pushers."

"Why does Ra's know how old my piercings are?" Tim asks, and does he know where they are.

After the final Seal is broken, Dean discovers that he's actually Lucifer. He's not really sure how he feels about that.

“My high school reunion is on,” John tells Molly. There’s a short pause as she processes this. “That sounds like fun,” she offers. “Do you want to go?” “Oh yes, because that couldn’t possibly go badly. ‘Hello, I’m John Watson, I’m a professional killer.’ ” A Grosse Pointe Blank AU.

In which Darcy Lewis is actually Hel Lokisdottir, Queen of Helheim, and Phil Coulson is the badass secret agent we all know and love.

Apparently Supernatural was real, which was presumably why Gabriel was bleeding out onto Richard’s floor. (In which the actors of Supernatural find that reality is stranger and more disturbing than they previously believed, even counting Misha, and an injured archangel discovers that his universe is the subject of a TV show.)

“Eternity is really rather boring, John. Mortal life seemed as though it would be far more interesting.” Sherlock is actually the Devil, but he decided to live as a mortal because ruling Hell was boring.

Looking at the contemplative expression on Lucifer's face, Sam thinks that this has the potential to be either very bad, or completely awesome. Two humans and two archangels in the Cage.

Lucifer's cage is kind of cramped quarters.

Naruto gets his hands on the key to his seal too early, and the yang and yin chakra of Kyuubi are freed. As in, now there are three Narutos.

Cards Against Humanity is not a good game to play with the Avengers, just not for the reasons that Clint was expecting.

Naruto has a secret. So does Sasuke. And Sakura. Just how were the genin teams picked again?

The SNK characters' happy reincarnated life is rudely interrupted by kaiju marching out of the Pacific. They are 100% done with this crap.

In which Sidney Crosby discovers twerking and decides it'd be a good idea to add it to the Penguins' workout routine, and Paulie knows exactly who to blame.

The further adventures of Sidney Crosby, Professional Troll, as told by Beau Bennett. A sequel of sorts to Drop it Low, but it also stands alone.

Professor X and Magneto have a few additional instructions for Logan, as long as, you know, he's going to be back in time. (I'm sorry, this is total crack.)

The Aegis swings by Earth with a request of Her Royal Highness every once in a while.

THOMAS is the gladers' one hope of escaping the maze. He's also a brain in a jar.

Dillon and Ziggy must fight their way across a city of sex-bots and pheromone-induced citizens to rescue their captured teammates. Things don’t go quite as planned.

Cassandra stumbles across a secret literature-exchange society in Skyhold. She disapproves, of course. Deeply. (That person who keeps prompting for crossovers with characters out of Varric's novels? Not her.)

In which Cole isn't a desire demon, but thinks it might help if he was.

Blackwall shrugged, all creaking armour and leather. “I may not like you or what you are very much at all, but you are brave and you have a good heart: that much is undeniable. It’s more than what most people have. So.” “… And here I thought we were going to launch into some terrible spiel about how we were all in this together,” Dorian said, after a startled pause. The day was turning out to be full of surprises. “That sort of thing only happens in Varric’s books.” “Oh, you read! I’m shocked.”

In which A.I.M kidnap Tony. And decide to livetweet it.

With the Kyuubi’s help, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke have successfully landed in the past, armed with a completely fleshed-out plan to get rid of the bad guys and save the world. (Again.) The only problem? When it comes to the transmigration of souls and time-travel jutsus done under the influence, Kurama has absolutely, incredibly terrible aim.

“Oh my god, Obito, I don’t care that you keep turning our roommates into mindless zombies devoted to serving your will, but in the name of everything holy, at least stop putting them in thrall when you're singing Taylor Swift songs in the shower.”

"Temari, if you make me kiss him, you will regret it." Gaara's voice brooked no opposition.

"Once upon a time in Fire Country, O my Best Beloved, three Ninjas went on a D-rank mission to retrieve a Cat..." A tale in the style of Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories. Very silly.

In which Ichigo and Rukia are bros, and no one gets it.

Justin Trudeau has just won the election. The two of you celebrate by having the most Canadian sex ever.

Tobirama comes down to breakfast on the first day of classes to find the Great Hall full of snickering, his husband conspicuously absent, and his brother face-down in his eggs.

Contains Pail-Free Xenosexual Relationships Between a Male Mutant Troll and Male Human for the Purpose of Exhibitionistic Sexual Gratification, Polyquadranted Individuals Presented in a Neutral or Positive Way, and Puppets Used in Several Perverted Ways, One of Those Puppets Depicting a Rad as Fuck Big-Nosed Allusion to Our Glorious Empress, Which She in Her Wisdom Has Allowed to Keep Existing Because Damn Straig)(t I Got Da Biggest One.

For an anon prompt on my Tumblr that I kind of hijacked: gai/obito tho, kakashi's utterly terrified of the two ever coming together. "I've met Gai, Kakashi, and guess what? I'm going /to befriend him/." "You wouldn't DARE, Obito." "Oh, I would. We're going to be best friends." Obito and Gai hit it off instantly, and it all goes downhill from there. Kakashi finds them making out once and it's so horrible. He's never going to get that image out of his mind.

Naruto is hot. Kakashi is losing his mind.

Once upon a time there was virginal, chaste Kagome. And then there wasn't.

What do you get for the girl who already has everything and really doesn't want to marry you? A kidnapping, apparently. No, that doesn't actually make any sense, but as The Iron Bull is about to find out, Dorian Pavus and Livia Herathinos don't appear to actually consider themselves bound by the rules of common sense. Isabela just can't believe someone's actually paying her for this. Lucky!

The Inquisitor is an Avvar. Dorian tries to be understanding and make allowances for cultural differences. In hindsight, that was possibly his first mistake.

What do you get for the girl who already has everything and really doesn't want to marry you? A kidnapping, apparently. No, that doesn't actually make any sense, but as The Iron Bull is about to find out, Dorian Pavus and Livia Herathinos don't appear to actually consider themselves bound by the rules of common sense. Isabela just can't believe someone's actually paying her for this. Lucky!

Yuri has joined the conversation. v-nikiforov: d i b s

Despite the fact that Nozaki constantly insists that he’ll follow Ken-san to any department, they hadn’t quite figured that he meant it. That was mistake number one. Letting Nozaki-kun have free rein when it came to positioning them for his artwork, that was mistake number two.

Nozaki mistakenly thinks he's dating someone. And it gets worse.

"You're fucking with me." Tim blinks up at his uncle – and he's never seen his uncle in full armor before, not in person. It's kind of daunting. "Please tell me you're fucking with me, spawn."

It starts when he’s five, when his mother brings home a bag of fortune cookies and explains what the strips of paper inside them are for.