-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:45 -- GG: hey john, i thought you were going to bed early! EB: nd she kissed him full on the mouth with lots of to EB: GAH GG: :O ??? EB: damn it jade, you and your ninja windows! pretend you didn't see anything okay.

EB: WHEN I SAID OKAY FINE JADE LET'S TRY TO **DISCREETLY** PUT OUT FEELERS I DIDN'T MEAN GO RIGHT UP TO HIM AND ASK HIM POINT BLANK IF HE'D LIKE TO STAR IN HIS OWN KINKTASTIC ALIEN PORNO!!!!!!!! GG: >:/ oh yes because "btw do you have a gf" totally means "hey do you wanna be the yummy filling in a twin sandwich" in normal people land. dont be a buttface, john!! >:( Sequel to Adventures in Collaborative Storytelling.

"Where are you going?" the other you asks, and his voice is husky and friendly and not even a little bit like yours. You have never sounded like that one day of your life and you're never going to and you don't give a fuck. No, honestly, you don't. "I'm missing some of my humans," you inform him, gruff and uncaring and your shoulders squared like the badass leader that you are and why does he have to be a head taller than you? "And I have deduced with my masterful, scintillating intelligence that in order to get out they have quite possibly used the only way out that exists short of walking through walls. That--" you point, "--tunnel, just in the wholly unsurprising case you needed that clarified."

just two hormonal teenaged boys talking about their dicks.

A lighthearted vignette wherein a young lady, away from home at a professional conference, utilizes the internet to discuss an important issue in interpersonal relationships with the young man she has been cohabiting with for several years. Files are sent, metaphors are abused, and a happy ending is guaranteed.

CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

*wife *actnion *actino *action Roxy and Tavros roleplay as husband and wife. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Written for the kink meme!

Sollux Captor, recently drafted into the Service of Her Imperious Condescension, discovers a secret community of Helmsmen hidden inside the Imperial communications network. Meanwhile on Alternia, Karkat Vantas is up to his goddamn nook in revolution.

Love advice with Canadians: the clueless leading the clueless who is in love with clueless.

It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.

In hindsight, maybe introducing the local werewolf contingent to the wonderful world of online gaming hadn't exactly been Stiles' best idea.

You start hanging around troll 4chan for the Mediaconflagration links. You, uh, stay for the porn.

Pete and Patrick, at the end of the world. A podfic of petewentz @ stumpalicious written by svmadelyn

CG: … CG: WELL? TT: This is certainly something. CG: OH GOD. DON’T SUGARCOAT IT, ROSE, IT WON’T MAKE IT TASTE ANY BETTER GOING DOWN. TT: As my dear ectoslime brother would say: calm your tits, Karkat. TT: It’s very interesting in a way I’m having trouble putting into words.

TG : what do you think of my new outfit nitram TG : arent i a pretty fucking princess

or : In Which Dave Strider Is An Asexual Transsexual Off To Room With His Best Internet Friend John Egbert, Who Is Initially Unaware Of Dave’s Trans Status, While They Both Attend Western Washington University. Co-Starring Rose Lalonde As Dave’s Nosy And Also Identical And Cisexual Lesbian Twin Sister, And Karkat Vantas And Sollux Captor As Particularly Irritating Suite Mates. Featuring All The Trolls As Humans, Jade And Jake As John’s Gun Wielding Genius Cousins, And Dirk “Bro” Strider As The Hardest Character To Write. Also Includes Stupid Pranks, Second Hand Details, A Handful Of Sexuality Crisises, A Number Of Awkward Crushes Of Varying Levels Of Platonic, Flirting With Varying Levels Of Success, Instances Of Sloppy Makeouts, One Polyamorous Relationship, A Handful Of Lesbians, More Bullshit Than True Facts, And A Summary That Is Apparently Too Long.

In which the folks from Greendale are in the Kickpuncher fandom and it causes about as much trouble as you'd expect.

There's nothing wrong with a little online flirting. Cullen hardly ever expects it to go anywhere even if he really does like the man he's been chatting with for over a month.

"I hate him." Dick snorts from his seat on the sofa. "You can't hate him, Jay, you've never even met him." "I can and I do," Jason insists, slapping the magazine he's been holding down onto the counter. "Food & Wine thinks he's better than me! Look!"

John, Sherlock, and Mary are married. No one knows. Except Molly. Who's helping Mary with a murder. While Sherlock proposes to Janine. Who's working for the guy who's blackmailing Mary and who Mary's planning to kill. Which neither John nor Sherlock know. What could go wrong?!

AC: :33 < *ac wanders over to her furrends hive and carefully places a purresent of a freshly killed cluckbeast on the ground* AC: :33 < *she scratches tentatively at his door and asks if dave is home* AC: :33 < *she thinks that if he isnt she can find other ways to spend her evening but that it would be much more fun to spend it together* TG: *dave types sup on his keyboard* AC: :33 < booo thats cheating!!! TG: *dave types how is this cheating on his keyboard* TG: oh wait TG: *akwete purrmusk types how is this cheating on his keyboard*

GC: 1F YOU GUYS FORC3 M3 TO FL1P 4SH3N 4ND TH3R3FOR3 D3PR1V3 M3 OF 4LL TH4T 4CROB4T1C S3XU4L CONGR3SS W3 S1GN3D ON FOR *TH3 PUN1SHM3NT SH4LL F1T TH3 CR1M3 3X4CTLY* GC: BY WH1CH 1 M34N MY C4N3 H1D3S TWO R3C3NTLY-SH4RP3N3D BL4D3S 4ND 1T S3R3ND1P1TOUSLY H4PP3NS TH4T B3TW33N TH3 TWO OF YOU YOU GUYS H4V3 TWO BON3BULG3S GC: WH1CH M1GHT NOT ST4Y TH3 C4S3 LONG -- Okay, good! Terezi, Dave and Karkat have finally figured out this quadrant dating thing. Now to figure out which twosome gets to hook up first.

This is a mixfill of two prompts! Prompt 1: Jane/Equius - She's a classy blue heiress, he's probably resilient enough to survive surprise dominatrix mode, it could work. Prompt 2: Sharp dressed man, Equius Zahhak Gold watch, diamond ring I ain't missin' not a single thing And cufflinks, stick pin When I step out I'm gonna do you in They come runnin' just as fast as they can 'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man Equius Zahhak in some very nice clothes, getting undressed later by an interested party and preferably ridden hard to be put away wet. Possibly even at the party in some secluded alcove. C'mon, you know that the boy would be fiiiiiine in a tailored suit. And then it exploded on me and turned into an actual fic, god damn it. Stay tuned.

Your name is Dave Strider and your universe is DEAD. You have to find a safe place for your nubby-horned, alien companion in the DEPTHS OF SPACE. Under normal circumstances, you would be deader than your old universe, but you're no longer a MERE HUMAN, having ascended to god tier. The troll has not, but it helps that you hitch a ride on a FANCY SPACESHIP. All you need to do is find your MISSING FRIENDS and you are golden. >>AU after the scratch. USS Enterprise [UE] began texting turntechGodhead [TG] at ??? UE: Hello. This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship USS Enterprise. We are on a peaceful mission of exploration. UE: My communications officer picked up an odd signal from this location. Can we offer any assistance? --Now with FANART--

In which Dirk has hell of computer issues/plays matchmaker, Calliope is revealed to be a big ol' pervert, and it's implied that the future of entertainment is a heavily edited version of an incredibly shitty fanfiction featuring hot unicorn on wizard action/violence. Also there's animes.

Minako (20:32): I didn't know you could do a quad flip!! Minako (21:13): Yuuri when you are done with the press message me!!!! Yuuri (21:24): Sorry! More press than usual.

When Viktor had asked for something 'hot', Yuuri's reply wasn't exactly what he'd expected...

Yuri has joined the conversation. v-nikiforov: d i b s

Just because Yuuri isn't big on social media, doesn't mean his fans aren't. (aka a social media fic)

“Asia sucked without you,” Yuri admits eventually after a moment, as he falls backwards onto the bed, his t-shirt riding up. It must be still hot in Saint Petersburg, if the forecast is to be believed, but Yuri has the hood up, obscuring his face at this angle. “But we all went back to the hot spring run by Katsuki’s family after the Fukuoka show, so I guess it wasn’t that bad.” A story of a relationship, told in photographs and Skype calls.

Your name is John Egbert and you know you are not a homosexual. Apparently your friends were informed otherwise.

Yuri and Otabek exchange a series of text messages. They get sexy.

Yuri and Otabek exchange a series of text messages. They get sexy.

A collection of phone calls placed by one Yosuke Hanamura.

Superman decided to try out a new costume. He did not consult the artist. In fairness, he was a little miffed that he'd been drawing weird porn of him, so. Fair's fair.

So, I looked at the prompt that sparked Ex Cinere and suddenly had Inquisition-era dialogue coming out of my ears. Here, have some of that. Now includes some new material not seen on the kinkmeme. Seriece for Ex Cinere

Anonymous asked: they're CLONES people. it's obviously clones jfc i hate this website New York's started to notice that there might be more than just one Spider-Man in town.

The reason Wei Wuxian had told him to look at this on the plane, Lan Xichen realizes, is that Lan Xichen will find it difficult to murder him from cruising altitude. Or, Lan Xichen finds his dating life taken out of his own hands.

It happens a few more times, always with just the thinnest veneer of bro-y joking, until Xiao Zhan figures this is just a thing they do sometimes. Casual sexting among friends must just be something Yibo needs, and Xiao Zhan is selfishly glad he gets to provide it for him. He doesn't think about who else Yibo might have figured out as well as he's figured out Xiao Zhan, who else might get to do this with Yibo.

Wei Wuxian meets his soulmate when they reach for the same bunch of daffodils at the local bodega. Too bad he immediately puts his foot in his mouth. How can he repair the damage and convince this beautiful man to date him? Let the group text conversation begin! (for the 50 Meetcutes meme - You reach for the same bouquet in a flower shop)

After the dramatic bodega courtship saga, our favorite duo finally have a date scheduled. Naturally, the rest of the squad needs to weigh in on the first-date preparations. And during the date itself, the group chat discussion is hot and heavy! (Sequel to 'Bodega Love')

Wang Yibo's message reads: who do you think like initiates the first time

Wen Qing: okay so like Wen Qing: were either of you going to warn me Wen Qing: that Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were Like That? Jin Zixuan: oh no Lan Wangji: I take it you had your first Family Dinner. Lan Wangji: I apologize for the lapse.

“He’s so beautiful,” Lan Zhan says, tongue loosened by the weed. Besides, Mianmian’s room is his safe space. He can say what he likes here, so he does. “I want to know what his mouth tastes like. I want him to put his mouth on my—” “No, no, no, no,” Jin Zixuan says, making an X with his arms. “For the love of Christ, keep it PG-13, please.” — In which Lan Zhan gets high, slides into Wei Ying's DMs, and somehow ends up having the harmonica played to him at 2am in the morning.

In which Yuri Plisetsky began life with the name Edward Elric, and this has made the world of figure skating a significantly stranger and more alarming place. “Are you saying you lived a life of crime before you began skating?” “I’m gonna have to check the statute of limitations on a couple things and get back to you on that.”

Geno only lets Alex make him a Grindr profile that summer because Alex is still upset about Maria, because Alex's grin has a kind of manic, brittle quality that makes Geno sigh and hand over his cell phone with only a token protest.

She puts the number into her phone as Phil's friend. Phil has a lot of friends, more than Amanda knows. For all that the media shits on him, he's easy to like away from the camera. He's always meeting up with old buddies during the summer to shoot the shit and grill out in someone's backyard. This guy could be anybody, really, except for Bozie, because Amanda already has Bozie's number in her phone.

How to Survive Your First Year in the NHL When You've Been Appointed the Next One: a guide by Sidney Crosby, currently being field-tested by Connor McDavid. Support and occasional sarcastic remarks provided by Dylan Strome.

Jack Eichel: Omega, and pissed off about it.

Either way, there was someone or something to blame for the fact that Jack ended up sending Connor Fucking McDavid a dick pic. Perhaps it was the universe as a whole.