Naoto doesn't like the hat her daughter's wearing. Or the boy's uniform. But especially that hat.

It's Go Time!

Despite all appearances, Loki was quite good with children. Mostly his own, but other children too. Even if their parents disapproved. Crack one-shot, Avenger!Loki/Norse!Loki, no pairings. Complete.

Inspired by Chapter 3 of TheGreatSporkWielder's "Waking Up in Vegas" where Darcy and Bruce promised to make JARVIS godfather of their first child. Margaret Rebecca Banner had a mystery to solve.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not my father.”

You have to put him in school, and if you weren't busy trying to make money to keep a roof over his head in this world where neither of you belong, you would be all about home schooling. You have to prepare him for the game. You only got eight years left.

Aradia had always thought seadwellers were all nasty, ruthless, terrible monsters who abused their place on the hemospectrum. After an encounter with the Heiress herself, she realizes that maybe not all seadwellers are bad after all.

Tony Stark finds himself as a de-aged Loki Odinsson's temporarily designated parental figure, through no fault of his own. Responsible superhero co-parenting doesn't just involve feeding, housing and clothing a tiny Asgardian, it involves rubber ducks, transdimensional vortexes at bathtime, fruit parties, pictures of robots that draw other robots and hoverboards (eventually), as the team keep Loki safe while they look for a solution.

When the Avengers raid a very dubious scientific installation, they come across something they'd never expected to find. Their discovery turns out to be even more surprising than first suspected, and it leads the team - especially Steve and Tony - to some new and very undiscovered territory.

Ex-military Eridan Ampora has an honorable discharge hanging on his wall, dreams of battlefields that haunt him around every turn and a pair of trolls who scurry around his house and snoop in his things when they think he isn't looking while they wait for their own scars to fade. Somehow, he thinks that that's enough. Inspired by Unwanted Free Ugly Troll.

Claude gets a new car. Cameron doesn't like it.

Weird and comfortable aren't mutually exclusive; Steve Rogers is going to do exactly what he wants this Christmas.

Abed finds a little bundle of joy on his doorstep. A montage happens.

Abed finds a little bundle of joy on his doorstep. A montage happens.

It turns out that when you're almost constantly on the move, monitoring your birth control can prove to be challenging. It could happen to anyone, right? (Begins after the end of Fast Five, no spoilers for Fast and Furious Six.)

"'4 and 14 adopt a newborn baby together. What do they name it, how do they raise it, etc, etc. Do they eventually get it siblings? Do they ditch it in a dumpster on prom night because its not as fun as they thought?' THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. And yet, I am oddly charmed by it."

Three weeks after their wedding, they give Sherlock a ring.

And Dorian – who hasn’t maliciously thought of Bull as a beast in years, who hasn’t said the words even jokingly in months – still finds himself struck with what he was taught about the Qunari, what he still thinks when a new Vashoth joins the Inquisition. And now, every time the child opens his wide dark eyes and blinks lazily up at Dorian, every time he seems surprised by his own hands waving in front of his face, every time he laughs and squawks and hiccups after he’s done crying… Dorian thinks he can do better, for this child. He will. He rocks the child in his arms late at night and whispers against the tight curls springing out of the sweet crown of his head, coaxes him to sleep for papa, darling, that’s a good boy.

Eliot technically stole a baby, which is actually the least of Leverage's problems.

What if Jupiter and Caine met as children instead?

Prompt! Okay, imagine this: Shane and Ryan are investigating a house infested with demons, right? And the demons are like 'damn aren't they just cuter than a kitten in a basket?' So they start to purposefully scare Ryan in order to give him and Shane a proper push in the right direction!

In which the technology of fake babies used to teach teenagers not to have sex has progressed to a point that they instinctively cry when Stiles touches them.

Noctis wakes to the taste of something foul in his mouth, to the wet stone and hum of a haven underneath him; he wakes with a shuddering gasp, fingers grasping at the area where his father’s sword pierced his chest, only to find the soft beams of sunlight washing over him, and his deathly injuries no longer there. A boon, little king, Shiva had said, before she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Then, a few spaces away from him, Prompto sputters and coughs a raspy but undoubtedly heated, “WHAT THE FUCK?” Privately, Noctis echoes the sentiment. What the fuck.

Dudley Dursley's life is exactly as he'd like it: ordinary.

Fenris has dedicated himself to hunting slavers, but there's one inevitable outcome that comes from such a profession. And that is freeing mages.

In which Lan Xichen, nearly thirteen, visits Nie Mingjue, newly appointed Sect Leader - and decide to swap brothers for a day.

The healers said it was trauma. Perhaps he was too young, or too sensitive; perhaps it was only that it had happened in such a way, at such an impressionable time – in any event, Lan Wangji’s reactions to his mother’s death had gone well beyond the normal signs of grief and turned into something much more severe. After some intense discussion, it was agreed that he should be temporarily sent to live as a guest in another sect to see if he would benefit from the change of scenery. From not being around the place where he was drowning in the memories of his mother. They sent him to the Jiang Sect.

HOLY FUCK IS THAT A BABY?! The howling anguish of the Burial Mounds goes silent. Wei Wuxian has returned, and he has brought other people with him, and one of those people is, indeed, a baby. The little caravan of weary living people (who have a fucking baby with them) works its way up what might generously be called a path, deeper into the cursed hills, and they have the full attention of many, many ghosts. Resentful energy burns away, boiling into nothing under the utter shock of the situation. Who the fuck brings a baby to the Burial Mounds? Or: People think Wei Wuxian somehow cleansed the resentment of the Burial Mounds for the Wen survivors, but actually, the ghosts did it as babyproofing.

Crumpled at the base of Koi Tower’s long stairs for the second time, Jin Guangyao presses his face into the stone, takes a deep breath despite re-broken ribs, and arranges his features as carefully as he knows how. Then he stands, moving carefully around the pain, and bows deep, arms held straight and true. The walk back up the steps to his father's side is painful enough to wipe the smile from his face; it is not painful enough to prevent him re-taking his place as seneschal, bowing again at the top of the steps. As he straightens, he prioritizes his plans for his father’s demise over all else.

Shen Yuan was born to be Reviewer 2. Decades after his marriage, Empress Shen Qingqiu is living his best life at the entire demonic civil service's expense.

“Hey,” Lao Nie protested mildly. “Who’s the father here, me or you?” “If a-die wants a new wife, little uncle will find one that isn’t inclined to kill him.” That sounded like a recitation. “Then what’s even the point,” Lao Nie grumbled, and reached out to ruffle his son’s hair, enjoying how Nie Mingjue yelped when he did, glaring up at him with offended dignity.

Well, shit, Nie Huaisang thought, even as he comforted Jin Rusong, petting the toddler’s back to try to get him to calm down. What do I do now?

Nie Huaisang’s rooms in the Unclean Realm had a little side door that no one but him ever used. Years after he’d put it out of his mind entirely, there came a terrible banging noise at that little side door, like someone was kicking at it furiously from the outside. Lan Wangji, white robes stained with blood and cheeks bright with fever, shoved something into his arms. “You have a child now,” he said through bitten lips. “Congratulations. He is called A-Yuan. I entrust you with his care, for my sect cannot be trusted with it.”

Prompt: Nie Huaisang buys Jiang Cheng a “baby on sword” (like baby on board lmao) pendant as a joke but Jiang Cheng actually uses it

It’s safe to say that fatherhood seems to suit Evgeni Malkin.

Over the years, Mario has become accustomed to Sidney's many idiosyncrasies, but he has to admit the spontaneous de-aging is a bit unexpected.

Geno loves kids, but not the way Sid loves kids. Sid has a younger sister; Geno lived with Seryozha and Ksenia and Natalie for two years. Which is to say, he survived potty training and checkers and temper tantrums, as well as several toddler ballet recitals. Every time they work with the Little Penguins, it's like Sid is fresh off a thorough Obliviation. Geno, meanwhile, is prepared for war.

There was a newly-uploaded picture, one that hadn’t been there yesterday. Sid tapped it open. The only lights he’d bothered turning on were the down-lights above the kitchen island. He moved closer until he was standing directly beneath them, the better to see this latest picture. It was of a newborn. Or at least, a newborn’s hand, tiny and curling around Geno’s index finger, the Love for Lokomotiv wristband he never took off distinctive and visible at the edge of the frame. There was no caption.

“This is incredibly sweet,” Obi-Wan observed with a fond smile. Cody was currently telling the cadets a story and they listened excitedly to his every word. “He just exudes ori’vod energy. The younger ones can’t help themselves,” Alpha replied. “It’s been like this his entire life.”

Ponds is wandering the halls of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, on his way to a meeting with his general, when he finds a crying youngling. He’s clutching his hands close to himself and Ponds abruptly remembers a mission with General Vos, who had an eerily similar reaction to a set of manacles. Ponds can’t help but kneel in front of the kid and offer him his pair of brand new gloves.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Smoker doesn’t know what he did in a past life to deserve this but it better have been worth it to make up for the situation he’s stuck in. He’s no stranger to getting assigned chores and duties below his rank, but this is a new low. And now he’s stuck on a restaurant ship with the newest recruit and the order to keep her out of trouble while the rest of the crew tries to track down Dracule Mihawk to find out why he decided to visit the East Blue of all places. How they ever lost track of whatever big-ass galleon one of the Seven Warlords would surely travel on, he has no idea.

Izuku is de-aged and Dadzawa acts as if it's perfectly normal.

“How’d you get stuck with babysitting duty anyway?” Boba asked one day during dinner. “Oh, I volunteered for this,” Fox told him. “Why the kark would you do that?” “Language,” Fox admonished. “Well, I was just living my normal boring life and I thought to myself, ‘I don’t get called an ugly piece of banthashit often enough.’ So I decided to adopt you.” Boba snorted. “You’re a psychopath,” he told Fox. “I’ve been called worse,” Fox replied breezily.

“Repeat that,” Tim says slowly. Kon gives him a defensive look. “I panicked, okay?” he repeats. “And ‘panicking’ meant you decided to kidnap . . . how many kids, exactly?”

The door slams closed again the second Fox clears the threshold. The street crowd has largely fallen back into its normal rhythm, everyone moved on from the disruption. Which just leaves Fox, and the kid. Great.