Peter first meets Deadpool when he's nine years old, shaking in a basement somewhere and waiting to die.

Spider-Man comes out of the closet. Peter Parker would give anything to crawl back in.

Peter was having the worst day the author could've come up with - and that's even before he accidently killed Deadpool.

In a world where the first words your soulmate will say to you appear on your left wrist at your tenth birthday, Peter gets the short end of the stick.

'cause we make a great team Boredom's a real killer when you've topped your resume by taking down an international criminal organization. Wade's been in the market for a new pet project, and who should happen to come along but our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man? Peter's understandably a little shy of our charming Merc with the Mouth, but luckily for him, he happens to know a certain damsel not-so-much-in-distress that's willing to serve as an excellent character witness. From there it's just a short hop, skip, and one huge leap for spiderkind into a whole new world of trouble for our web-slinging hero. Good thing he's starting to learn to like trouble. Featuring: stalking (for justice and otherwise), showtunes, a series of increasingly improbable dinner dates, the Apartment of Doom, a judicious amount of mad science, homoerotic fight sequences, highly sexual tai-chi, musical montages, and a truly sickening amount of domestic bliss.

Peter and Wade try out one of Wade's kinks.

“Honey,” Wade calls over his shoulder without taking his eyes off their visitor. “Why is there a teenage mutant in our breakfast nook? Not that I’m not happy to see you,” he says to Negasonic, who raises her eyebrows owlishly. Vanessa comes out of the bedroom and hooks her chin over Wade’s shoulder. “Do you think she heard me getting my spanking?” he whispers. “Because that was *private* noise.” “I don’t know,” Vanessa says. “But she looks like she needs some coffee and pancakes, don’t you think?” Negasonic grins. It’s scary as fuck.

Peter is just trying to break out of his ennui when Wade explodes into the bar. Well. It's not an actual explosion, thank god, but for him it might as well be.

Wade has some things to figure out. Vanessa has a plan.

“Wade and I have a tradition whenever one of us turns out not to be dead.” She smiles at Cable politely. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” “And by dinner, she means bare minimum twelve hours of the most animalistic ravaging of each others’ naughty bits that you can see outside Bangkok, big boy. Really putting the freak in fan-freaking-tastic multi-orgasmic cum-marathon.” “So what do you say?” Cable grinds his jaw for a second, but honestly, who would pass up these A-listers? “Why the hell not?”

Wade frowns. He's had the word 'Endurance' on his wrist his whole life, in black block letters that have grown with him. He knows it means he's half of a pair, though it's too early yet to know whether he's going to be a Fighter or a Sacrifice. His dad's convinced he's going to be a Fighter--'the boy does have a type'--and he likes the sound of that. He's just not sure what his Name has to do with getting married.