He hadn't been looking for family in the Muggle gay bar, but he'd found it. He'd found Ginny Weasley and at the moment she looked like the butchest girl he'd ever seen.

A prequel to A Post Break-Up Conversation.

The first time was rather a surprise, the second time just plain predictable. The third was supposed to go much differently, thank you very much, and the fourth devolved into cliché. The fifth, moreover… well. Neither of them really wishes to talk about that one, if you don't mind. & Now that the war is over, Severus is just trying to get on with things. He's not the only one.

Saving And Being Saved: "Five boys and Battle School. Nobody is satisfied, but one can imagine Graff doesn't care." Fangs Up: "Someone finally takes notice of the fact that Gabe Saporta says he spoke to a snake." One Man Band: "It takes Spencer a while to figure it out, but he doesn't let it change how he behaves when he does." Patrick Stump's Strip Joint, or The One Where They're All Strippers Apart From Patrick Who Has Taken Up Handicrafts (Not Like That): "The one where they're all (pretty terrible) strippers, Patrick owns the strip joint, and his therapist has suggested he take up a hobby."

There are no bad eggs in the Gryffindor House, this is how it works. The good people go to the lion, the raven takes the cleverest of the bunch, the snake takes those who are rotten and the badger takes the rest. Everyone knows this, this is how it works. There are no bad Gryffindors, like there are no stupid Ravenclaws, cruel Hufflepuffs or good Slytherins. everyone knows this, this is how it works. No one goes against the status quo. This is how is goes.

House sorting under here I will fight you

A Lifetime and a Half: Written for the queer_fest prompt "Either Fred and George, Padma and Parvati or Lorcan and Lysander, How do you tell the person who's most like you in all the world that you want to be a member of the opposite sex?" Before You Cross the Street (Take My Hand): Episode tag for 2x06. Papa Stilinski isn't really that dick.

Welcome to the Lee Jordan show on the Wizarding Wireless Network, the best show for news, interviews, sports coverage, and entertainment on air! Tune in now!

Fred and George weren't the only pair of inventors in their family. They weren't even the first to experiment in wartime.

Some people find out who they really are at age eleven. For Dudley, it takes a little longer.

She'd left everything to a mysterious Longbottom great-great-uncle by the name of William with a birthdate somewhere in the ballpark of Dumbledore's.

Jess’s dad is the one who first put her on a broom, so long ago she can barely remember it. She must have loved it then, she knows, because she’s loved it every time since. There’s nothing like the feel of the wind screaming in your ears when you’re up in the air, you and your broom slicing the sky like a dart, the chill slapping color into your cheeks. Nothing like it.

"'4 and 14 adopt a newborn baby together. What do they name it, how do they raise it, etc, etc. Do they eventually get it siblings? Do they ditch it in a dumpster on prom night because its not as fun as they thought?' THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. And yet, I am oddly charmed by it."

Ok. Book 1. Dumbledore drops Harry off at the Dursleys on Halloween night. 1. he does not check Lily and James will

"Well of fuckin' course troll JKR wasn't forced ta have Voldie be a fake sea dweller with magicked-on fins in the end, he was a fake who was aimin' higher than his station in life all along, this is the only readin' that makes any sense! If he were a real sea dweller then his motive for offin' the landdwellers makes zero fuckin' sense! An' his lack a any true class, are you even serious?" "I find it remarkable that a single being should be so consistently and hugely self-blind," Rose mused, and bared her teeth in a pleasant (not) grin. -- Anonymous asked: Rose spade/diamond Eridan, the differences between troll and human Harry Potter.

my problem with the ‘harry becomes lord of 2/¾/5 ancient noble houses’ trope is so unbelievably petty because its that fic writers don’t take it to the potential extreme. like, okay, you wanna make harry the bossest of bitches i get that, i understand, i have that urge too from time to time, but c’mon, be a little more creative about it please

After the war, Harry needs his new flat furnished, and Luna and Neville help him out. Neville doesn't want to look on Diagon Alley because he's hoping Harry's Muggle-knowledge can help him find a tattoo parlor -- he wants a Muggle-style tattoo. So they head back to an area near where Harry grew up. While on that outing, Luna is entranced by a vintage Muggle clothing shop, which she and Harry peruse together.

Professor Trelawney's prophecy about Luna really did seem crazy on the surface. But it was about to change everything she thought she ever knew about her life. (A crossover with the Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus series.)

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, oh my. (Or, Tobirama has a date. He will probably live to regret it.) Prequel to It’s Witchcraft.

That was a long 12 years for Wormtail.

A patronus, Harry tells Hermione, is acing a test and the warmth of a butterbeer between your hands. It is your friends holding you when you fall, and Ron’s sparkling eyes when you whisper hi. And there’s an otter, swimming, and Hermione is blushing.

what if the reason nobody can tell fred and george apart is because they really are interchangeable

When Harry was eleven years old, his Hogwarts letter came by owl. He'd been accidentally blowing windows open and lighting cauliflower on fire for years. James took Harry to go get his wand at Ollivanders, and Lily took Dudley to the Owl Emporium where he tried to convince her they should build an aviary in the backyard. They came home with a fat black cat who hissed at everyone. Dudley named him Spooks, and Lily called him Monster. "Did you have to?" said James. "That is the meanest beast I've ever met, and I've known Remus unmedicated on full moons and a pubescent Sirius thwarted in love." Lily, who had ink on her cheek and a ballpoint pen stuck behind her ear, waved vaguely at the living room without looking up from her arrest report. Dudley was asleep in an armchair. The cat sprawled across his lap. Both its front paws were wrapped around Dudley's arm as it cleaned his wrist with aggressive fondness. "Alright," said James. "Yeah, you had to."

concept: willy wonka and harry potter take place in the same universe the ministry of magic haaaates Willy Wonka

Dudley Dursley's life is exactly as he'd like it: ordinary.

Salazar Slytherin has made his decision. There's only one thing left to worry about.

Geno loves kids, but not the way Sid loves kids. Sid has a younger sister; Geno lived with Seryozha and Ksenia and Natalie for two years. Which is to say, he survived potty training and checkers and temper tantrums, as well as several toddler ballet recitals. Every time they work with the Little Penguins, it's like Sid is fresh off a thorough Obliviation. Geno, meanwhile, is prepared for war.